To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

lolo9 · 2025-01-29T23:16:41+00:00

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified. The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle.. The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow. Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

ichifanny · 01/02/2025 10:12

Hey I work in theatres and deal with kids dental , you need two adults if someone is driving you need someone to sit with the child in the back as they can be floppy and drooly and sick so we don’t let you leave unless there’s two people .

HipToTheHopDontStop · 01/02/2025 09:31

Lyraloo · 01/02/2025 09:13

Agree, the key here is to ring and explain. They’ll probably allow you to take baby but it’s rude to just turn up. Also echoing what another poster said, if you’re feeling really anxious, it may be better for dh to take him anyway. You will subconsciously pass your anxiety on to ds and make him more afraid. You could make the whole experience more traumatic for him.

It was two days ago

Lyraloo · 01/02/2025 09:13

Agree, the key here is to ring and explain. They’ll probably allow you to take baby but it’s rude to just turn up. Also echoing what another poster said, if you’re feeling really anxious, it may be better for dh to take him anyway. You will subconsciously pass your anxiety on to ds and make him more afraid. You could make the whole experience more traumatic for him.

PorridgeEater · 31/01/2025 23:19

Notimeforaname · 29/01/2025 23:36

They took the time to send you a letter asking you to adhere to their rules.

I thought you were going to say you had no partner or support.
YABU, your child has another parent who can take them.

Try not to make this about you and your needs.

Edited

Agree

PorridgeEater · 31/01/2025 23:15

nocoolnamesleft · 29/01/2025 23:29

Our day case children are recovered on the children's ward. Which is basically not filled with air, but viral soup. I would not want to take a newborn onto the ward unless their own health mandated it, as there would be significant risk of giving them a bronchiolitis causing virus, and seeing them back as an admission. Do you know if there is a dedicated daycare unit?

I think you have to take note of this.

madamweb · 31/01/2025 21:50

I expect the toddler would want a parent there who could give them all their attention. Not a parent juggling a baby who might cry /need a feed/need a nappy change /get in the way of cuddles.

Toptops · 31/01/2025 21:05

Notimeforaname · 29/01/2025 23:36

They took the time to send you a letter asking you to adhere to their rules.

I thought you were going to say you had no partner or support.
YABU, your child has another parent who can take them.

Try not to make this about you and your needs.

Edited

This.
Be the responsible adult.
Plus, save your new baby all the germs.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 31/01/2025 19:54

Newborn strapped to you in a carrier doesn’t count, don’t worry. They just don’t want 100s of kids marauding about. Some people treat hospital as a day out for extended family. I hope the op goes well.

hcee19 · 31/01/2025 18:45

I work on a surgical ward and trust me, a newborn will be no problem. They stipulate these regulations as some people will bring alot of children all running around, playing etc, doing what kids do ,but unfortunately there are sick children around. Some people have no regard for others , but take your baby with you, it will be OK, you are stressed enough. Hope all goes well

ScartlettSole · 31/01/2025 18:41

Our youngest has had many major ops before. The two people thing (at our hospital) is in the theatre while they give them the mask for anesthetic, they will not allow a baby there.

Honestly a hospital to quote a previous comment is a viral soup, its not a place id take a newborn unless absolutely necessary.

Also if its day surgery/minor surgery you often dont get a bed in a ward so youre basically hanging about corridors or waiting areas.

Id let their dad take them or if you feel you must go, take baby and sit in the cafe area if there is one.

Mumof2girls2121 · 31/01/2025 18:37

They won’t turn away a baby that small

CrimbleCrumbleCream · 31/01/2025 18:36

StormInaDcup99 · 29/01/2025 23:20

You all go but your husband takes baby somewhere else

When baby needs fed you n your husband swap so only one adult with toddler at any time

Would that work?

This! Baby goes with DH and swap if needed.

Sickdissapointed · 31/01/2025 18:12

I’d be concerned about a new born in a hospital environment with the amount of bugs rife at the moment. It’s also a quiet environment in recovery post op and other patients won’t want to wake up to a crying baby. Agree all go and swap with dad when child wakes post op. Lots of luck.

lemming40 · 31/01/2025 18:05

It will be fine, just take your newborn. I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid. Worst case your DH can take your newborn outside? Realistically once your toddler is under you will be leaving the operating theater anyway.

Destiny123 · 31/01/2025 08:47

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

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I wouldn't if I had a choice in general! I spend my life ill from bugs from work, and I'm relatively protected as most of my time is in theatre and unwell people get cancelled. There's so much flu and norovirus around to the point my trust is reimplementing face masks for all patient contact

But as an anaesthetist I'm well aware of how petrifying your child having an anaesthetic is and that would want to be there if can

HipToTheHopDontStop · 31/01/2025 02:26

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

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Jesus Christ. You think a ward designed for sick children has LESS germs than anywhere else? You might as well rub you babies face in a giant petri dish of rsv, chicken pox, pneumonia, bacterial meningitis....

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/01/2025 01:30

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

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You...know that germs are invisible, right?

nocoolnamesleft · 31/01/2025 00:48

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

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I am a paediatrician. On our children's ward this week we have had respiratory syncitio virus, metapneumovirus, flu A, flu B, and norovirus. This winter we have also seen pertussis and measles (due to dropping immunisation rates), strep A, chicken pox, enterovirus (causes meningitis in babies) ...well, you get the idea. We do try to isolate the more obviously infectious cases, but the open bays are still full of older wheezing children with stonking colds. And we don't have a day case unit, so that is where the surgical cases would go, as the side rooms are absolutely needed for the inpatient babies and the most contagious cases. Frankly I don't walk on the ward without a face mask, in winter.

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:47

Thanks for everyone's replies! Turned out fine in the end. Toddler is totally fine and wasn't phased. One of my good friends (who doesn't live too far from the hospital!) messaged me last week asking to catch up and meet baby so I messaged her this morning asking if she wanted a visitor as we were up that way. She offered for us to come and visit for the day and watched babe for an hour whilst I went to be with my toddler after the surgery. All very quick and DH is now on his way home with my bigger baby 🙌🏼xx

There were also some wildddd replies 🫣 everyone does things differently which is why I asked for advice! But being accused of 'me making it about me' is a crazy take on it 😅 I knew toddler would need me after it- that's all! X

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 22:01

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

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You have unwittingly just answered a question.
When DS 3 at the time had a minor op I took him to theatre, was swiftly removed from there and given an approximate time to be back at his bed on the ward for.

I wasn't allowed near recovery. Many other bits of those couple of days are clear as yesterday. Them bringing him back and waking up is very wooly.

TaggieO · 30/01/2025 20:08

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

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None I ever worked in have allowed it either.

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

AnxietyLevelMax · 30/01/2025 09:17

This is just crazy. Thank God no hospitals in my area have this rule. my child needed me and i needed my husband because ds didnt want to get off me for couple of hours, which was hard in a second trimester.

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I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

HoraceCope · 30/01/2025 18:18

happy it went well op @lolo9

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 18:10

Lovely Op glad it all worked out. Good friend you have there.

EdithBond · 30/01/2025 17:36

lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:47

Thanks for everyone's replies! Turned out fine in the end. Toddler is totally fine and wasn't phased. One of my good friends (who doesn't live too far from the hospital!) messaged me last week asking to catch up and meet baby so I messaged her this morning asking if she wanted a visitor as we were up that way. She offered for us to come and visit for the day and watched babe for an hour whilst I went to be with my toddler after the surgery. All very quick and DH is now on his way home with my bigger baby 🙌🏼xx

There were also some wildddd replies 🫣 everyone does things differently which is why I asked for advice! But being accused of 'me making it about me' is a crazy take on it 😅 I knew toddler would need me after it- that's all! X

Really glad it all went well.

What a lovely friend! Looking after someone else’s newborn, even for an hour, can be quite daunting, even for family members.