To wish I’d known how miserable it is parenting alone (not a single parent)

I get you. I'm in the same boat and it's just boring isn't it? I fantasise about having a luxury nanny who could do the mornings for me so I don't have to get up, get kids dressed, make their lunchboxes, get myself dressed, take them to nursery then commute 1.5 hrs to my own work while putting on make up on the train...

Sounds grim.

@Goldbar sounds excellent to me!!! Oh yes I'd forgotten about the dancing!

I've got my fingers crossed for a good night @iwishihadknownthis

I'm in exactly the same boat. I do majority of the getting ready in the mornings, all drop offs and pick ups. Kids are 1 and 3 so still need help with undressing and dressing, preparing all meals, packing and sorting bags when we get in etc. Toddler cries some nights all the way to bed. I have to prepare tea one handed as I have to hold them, or listen to them scream and have them clamoring to climb my legs.

Currently still lying with 1 year old until I can transfer into cot and then have to clear up tea and sort stuff for tomorrow, make my own lunch ready for work etc. We have no family nearby and if my husband wants to continue in his chosen career then these are the hours. It's bloody hard work. But I'm hoping it will pass as they get older and more independent.

@lakesandplains . Absolutely - my advice would be to forget a lot of what you have to do to be a "good" parent and focus on what brings you joy with your kids. Yesterday was fishcakes and potato wedges which my kids ate in the living-room in between bopping around to kids dance tracks and Danny Go. Today we had reheated leftovers and I kept them at the table by taping a large sheet of paper to it and giving them markers and stickers. Half a glass of wine for me. The mess can wait until the morning or DH can deal with it when he comes in. Laundry never makes it into the drawers so we just pick what we need out of a huge box. I go to bed very early and am up with the larks to grab a couple of hours to myself before the hordes awake.

I have very, very low standards 😂.

And I agree with @Goldbar - sometimes, a bit of lowering standards helps. A glass of wine, a non sensible easy dinner a few times a week, one night where you let them watch too much CBeebies. You've got to enjoy your life too.

YANBU - the thing that makes me sad about the years they were under 5 and at nursery is I really have very few good memories of us together as a family and a lot of it was pure drudgery. I really really love it now, once you get enough sleep, and you're not on care high alert 24 hours a day.

She has a husband.

It sucks. I only have DD and when she was a toddler and DH was away/working all the time I thought it would break me or us!
It may not feel like it but it is easier when they get less physically dependent (and you don’t feel that if anyone touches you again you will howl).
Now DD is more independent it is still tiring as she has lots of sport and dance commitments so I’m a taxi but I feel less emotionally drained. Hang in there.

I feel like this too. Husband leaves at 7am and returns at 8pm. I’m just finishing up mat leave with DC2 and we have a toddler.

Mornings are fine as I’m organised (and worse when DH is around) but the hours before bedtime are the worst. Luckily toddler sleeps ok. We don’t have family nearby. DH hates his job apparently but refuses to do anything about it so when he is home we have to listen to him moan about it!

It’s absolute rubbish, I feel for you OP.

I have a disability and DH’s family haven’t helped once, but compare me to SIL who has help from both sets of grandparents and her husband.

Sometimes you feel like no one sees your struggles but honestly OP, we do x

It’s very very hard with no support.

Do you have a family to support you? Mum, mil etc?

I always say, being a single parent isn't hard, being a parent without a wider support system is what's hard

I'm in the same boat, just me and dd, no wider support. I try to chill and take things slowly. I do everything while she's at school so in the evenings I can rest with her

Slow cooker meals, showers etc in the evenings x

I have done at least 90% of dinners, bedtimes and bath times by myself for the past seven years. I've never been a heavy drinker but I went though a period of deliberately having a G&T once dinner was on the table at a particularly rough point. It's not a suggestion (obviously) but it took the edge off for me. I've also gone through periods of feeding the DC in front of the TV and I don't give a shit whose bed they sleep in, so long as they sleep.

I hear you. I had a disinterested husband who worked long hours, or simply avoided coming home when the dcs were awake. I did every single morning and bedtime on my own.

The stage you are at is absolutely the hardest. It does get easier, I promise. They get older, become more independent, and eventually they are teenagers who just want to sleep!

I did this. It’s so hard. But let me reassure you is that it gets exponentially easier, especially if you push them to be as independent as possible.

it is difficult, especially when you are tired too. My husband also works away a lot and I work part time in a stressful job, which I would not want to give up. I have a hormonal teenager at home and a younger child. Sometimes I’m on the verge of tears with a mixture of exhaustion and stress. Please don’t feel like you’re alone in feeling how you do.

I did this when my ex worked away . The good thing is that things change and they get a bit more independent. Loved saying Go get your pj's on and brush teeth and I will be up . Not an easy
time in your parenting life .

Feel ashamed of myself because I think everything runs so much smoother when DH isn't here (1-4 nights a week).

It’s rubbish OP. Sending hugs and no advice

I know you feel OP. I did 2 years and 2 months before I left my ex.

You need to consider whether you want to stay with your DH. If you do, then you need to build your support network while your DH works. Consider whether part time work will allow you to regain your balance. Are there other mums around you can share with? A community group that will provide you with support? A cleaner to do some of the basics for you?

In my case the answer was no, and I left because I was unhappy and my ex refused to compromise in any way. For me it was the right thing to do.

I hear you, I work full time, have three kids (2 primary, 1 nursery) and my husband works away in the week. I hate bedtime with a passion. It takes me 3 hours to get them all settled then I’ve got a whole hour before I need to go to bed so I’m ready for the 6am wake up call. And I get so annoyed when I’m told to treasure the time.

I hear you when mine were small I did it
All and it was hard .