“Tight” or “Thrifty”?

Thrifty: focusing on value and efficiency.
Tight: being thrifty to the detriment of others or themself.

I've had (note past tense) friends that fell into tight. Didn't requite hospitality. Penny pinched over restaurant bills (yet funnily never took service/ tips into account with their tedious, meticulous calculations) Would take advantage of rounds or others' hospitality to maximise what they could get out of the situation (funny how they never bought their own doubles)
They were easy friendships to let drift; all it took was making invites more sparse and fading off, and they never made the move to fill the gap.
It wasn't about money, it was a stinginess of spirit to invest anything back. Things like making arrangements/ bookings to meet (no cost incurred) would have made a difference.

On detriment of self, it's when going for an (unnecessarily) cheap option that will cause more disruption or cost down the line rather than looking at best accessible value long term.

At our wedding, the costs of the trimmings (cake, flowers, stationery, jewellry, outfits) were carefully budgeted, but extra was put into hospitality such as additional wine and soft drinks at the tables. The costs weren't palmed off onto guests (except asking bridesmaids to get themselves a comfortable silver pair of shoes because shoes are very personal). A DIY venue wasn't an option because it wasn't practical for our friends and family to put in the time to manage the logistics so we had to budget for a professional venue.

If you don’t have much money and ask everyone to bring something to add to the buffet that’s great.

No, it’s not.

Have the wedding you can afford.

It’s tight to rely on guests to provide you with the wedding you’d like but can’t afford. “Bring something to our wedding buffet”, fuck no, what’s next, want me to contribute towards your wedding dress too?

I think "being generous" can easily spiral. I know someone who ended up with £12k of credit card debt because they kept getting rounds in on a credit card. Didn't want to look tight or stingy. Everyone was happy to keep accepting the drinks because everyone assumed he could afford it.

I know someone else who everyone thinks is a tight-arse, but managed to save enough for a deposit on a 3-bed house in an expensive area at a time when a lot of peers are still renting or living with parents.

I think it depends in your priorities. I'm on a very low income (especially by mumsnet standards!) and my sister will often make comments about me being tight or stingy when I say I can't afford to do something. But I feel absolutely no pressure to flash the cash or keep up with the Joneses. My finances and what I buy with them are nobody's business but my own and I care not a jot if I come across as stingy. Rather that than be buried in debt.

So what if I normally wouldn't spend more than £50 on a meal out despite having masses of savings (that's probably why I have masses of savings) and I go out with someone who normally spends £100 on a meal out - would going to my level of restaurant be tight or thrifty?

You are tight.
I am thrifty.

HTH.

I dislike folk like that and want to keep well away from such folk. Strange, very strange.

I’m thrifty verging on frugal but doing so allows me to be generous with others and splurge on other occasions
I shop around, buy second hand, outlet or clearance - love a BOGOF or yellow sticker but would not dream of not paying my way or helping others who are worse off

I would say I’m thrifty. Always got drinks and snacks in the car as “won’t pay cafe prices”. I don’t make others sub me though I think that’s really tight.

I think the difference is who it impacts rather than how careful you are with your money or how much you spend on anything. If you want to buy all your clothes secondhand, reuse your teabags, walk three miles each way to work, and buy from the yellow sticker aisle even when you don’t desperately need to, the only person your habits have an impact on is you. That’s thrift. But if you hide in the toilet whenever it’s your round at the pub, or invite people around and keep the heating so low they can see their breath, and never contribute to the food pot luck at BBQs, you are a negative impact on the people around you. That’s tight.

I begrudge every penny I spend. I worked hard to earn it why should I over pay for a product or service that isn't worth what someone is trying to charge me.

I measure every time I boil the kettle so I only boil the water I need
I have solar panels and a battery.
I got shot of my car as it travelled 4 miles a week (we still have my wife's but I like to walk/cycle)
I monitor our spending and have a spreadsheet for that, and our bank accounts.

But if you are out for a drink with me I stand my round, if you come here for a meal you will get a prime steak and home made food...we go out 2 or 3 times a week for drinks, eat out at least twice a week...my wife doesn't know what she wants for her birthday cos there's nothing she needs

In other words I watch every penny to spend on living a good life.

I think thrifty is avoiding waste. Don't by things you don't need, being careful about finding bargains and choosing the best value and not buying things you don't need or consider needlessly extravagant.

If you take advantage of other people to save money eg not paying fuel when sharing lifts, paying less than your share on a bill, using other people for free labour without repaying them etc etc then you are tight.

I don't think either necessarily relate to how much money you have, although it's obviously easier to not be either if you have enough money!
So however much I earned I wouldn't want to eg spend £100s on a fancy meal or tens of thousands on a wedding as I'd feel it was a waste of money. But i wouldnt EAT the fancy meal if someone else was paying for it or have the wedding by scrounging free labour or services.

Bargains are great but seeing other humans as a bargain cos they pay your bill?

Meanness and greed ain’t pretty. It’s so obvious too.

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

Under ordering food to the extent where guests can see there isn't enough - of a portioned hot supper where people were served so nobody was taking more than a share as they couldn't , not putting any heating on because "there are enough bodies we don't need it " when hosting. Ir was snowing outside and they had a log burner. Tight.
Buying yellow sticker food and loving a bargain but then being happy to pay for fancy tea bags for me as a small gift , that's thrifty
Generous of spirit divides the two

What's "spare" money though?

We save significant amounts into pensions and savings for a house move. I treat them as a bill, and I have a monthly allowance of £250/month for fun. I won't spend out of my savings, but I will plan out the month and try not to skimp unreasonably.

I think thrifty is something you choose for yourself.

nice destination, I agree.

My OH always notices how much things cost in the supermarket (more so than me) and he likes a bargain. We joke about me being profligate because I’ll only eat green giant sweetcorn, for example. However, he’s very generous with me and other people and very sensitive to other people’s means so would never try and freeload in a million years. I would consider him thrifty and a bit austere with himself day to day but generous when it counts and very kind spirited.