Family visiting

Planning to wait 6 weeks is neurotic unless there are specific medical reasons. Living in a bubble is not realistic.

However, your partner’s behaviour in your home is not acceptable.

So this relationship is pretty messed up.

You have a kid but don't live together. You're controlling access to the child and in turn he's now trying to control your own environment.

All of this while being new parents. Wow

And people are telling you to further withhold access by removing him from the birth certificate?

This is not a good start for this child at all.

I’m not sure why anyone needs to justify this- it’s her baby to make that decision about

Your baby and your right to wait til you feel ready and no one should think you are weird or wrong for waiting and giving your baby the best chance as it's dangerous if they are poorly. Def don't travel for your and baby sake. Your house and your stuff don't allow this "boy" to throw away your stuff unless you agree to it and want it. Ie rubbish which is actually rubbish. As others have asked is it a blanket no one visits during the 6 weeks or his family?
I do agree on the baby's surname being yours and not the bf. It will help in the future if needs be. Please think more of yourself and be a mumma tiger for your child and insist on what you want within reason. You could have a video call. What the family wants are not as important as yours and what's best for baby.
Do you have a clos family yourself? Good friends to support you? How are you feeling? X congratulations by the way. X

He's not your boyfriend.

Don't co register the birth and give him power to control your life for the next 18 years.

@kimberlypo surely he doesnt think his family are coming to stay at yours, does he??? why is he throwing your stuff out???

'Boyfriend' and 'doesn't respect me' and 'don't live together' but you thought a baby would be a good idea...

Please don’t put him on your kids birth certificate, if you do you give him parental rights and if he continues down the abuse path (which he’s started on with the control) he will be able to hold that child over you for 18 years.

I don't understand why you drove 2hrs with a 2 day newborn to visit his family? That's too much too soon especially as your original plan was to wait 6 weeks for anyone to see baby in his home. A few days or a week postpartum is fine. Why were his family allowed to see baby but no one else?

6 weeks seems a bit much but making you do a 2 hr drove 2 days pp is utter madness, why would you go along with that rather than telling him to get f**ked. And when it comes to throwing your stuff away in your house erm I think not, you are letting him walk all over you.

I hope to god you haven't put that man's name on the birth certificate you are in for a rough ride if you have

They don’t both agree that’s the point

Wanting to wait 6 weeks is unusual, but if you both agree that’s fine. But any visits should be at your house- no one should be driving 2 hours with a 2 day old baby! They shouldn’t be in the car seat longer than 30 mins

Do you really want to keep dating this man? He sounds crap.
That's a dangerous amount of time that your newborn was in a car seat, due to their posture in the seat restricting their breathing.
Tell the boyfriend 'no.' to his demands.

I'll say it now - Please when you register your baby's birth - give him or her your surname. Don't get sucked into the 'it's traditional to give babies their father's surname' - it's not. The tradition is babies take their mothers surname, who in times past were usually married to the father and had changed their name to his.

Do you have other help and support ? Please plug into this, to help support you in stopping his bullying behaviour.

Having said that - 6 weeks before seeing a new baby in the family is a long time

You have a boyfriend problem. Is he nasty and controlling in other ways? Don't let him throw your things away, don't let him move in with you or give him keys and think about whether you want to continue this relationship.

You are odd for waiting 6 weeks.

you shouldn’t have driven 2 hours 2 days after birth.

living separately from your partner is a sensible decision as he’s a nasty bully.

Yes exactly.

Throwing your stuff away and forcing you to travel so soon after birth are two huge red flags.

But tbh, not allowing extended family to meet their newest relative for six weeks would also be a red flag for me (unless the baby has a medical issue, but there's no mention of that). Babies are part of a family and part of a community, it's not healthy to push people away.

2hrs in a car seat for a 2 day old is hugely unsafe! I'm guessing that's 4hrs in the day too.

They shouldn't be in the car seat more than 20mins at a time, 2hrs a day max! They say that for the first 12 weeks. At 2 days no chance!

Anyone who insisted on that would be nowhere near me or my baby.

Waiting six weeks to see family is a bit weird but if he agreed he shouldn't decide to change the name l lol a without your agreement.

And they should have come to you.

No he should not be throwing your stuff out! Have you told him to stop??

How does he react if you say no to him. ?

Perfectly reasonable for his family to want to meet the baby (even if you hold off other visitors) but not acceptable to throw away items in a house that isn’t his.

If my DC decided I couldn't visit them post birth for 6 weeks, serious complications aside, I'd be questioning my parenting.

What do you mean? Holding off visits for two months? Had friends with premies, they waited until the babies had their vaccines.

I mean it’s not like the babies will remember any early visitors. The early visits are for the visitors‘ benefit not the babies. So if any health related issues speak against it, better be safe than sorry.