Family visiting

You and your narcissistic boyfriend are well suited

RabbitsEatPancakes · 30/01/2025 07:09

2hrs in a car seat for a 2 day old is hugely unsafe! I'm guessing that's 4hrs in the day too.
They shouldn't be in the car seat more than 20mins at a time, 2hrs a day max! They say that for the first 12 weeks. At 2 days no chance!
Anyone who insisted on that would be nowhere near me or my baby.”

This. It’s up to mum when she’s ready to introduce her baby, anyway.
How dare your BF throw your belongings out of your house?!

Her point is pointless

OP, don't put his name on the birth certificate. That way when you want to break ties with this selfish controlling misogynist you can get away properly.

How do you people cope with health visits in those first 2 months? You’ve no idea who else those people have being around previously or coming down with colds themselves. Then again I can bet my life on none of you actually doing a thorough research into the vaccines you’re allowing to be pumped into your babies bodies either. Do you even read the inserts that come with the vials? I was stupid and niave aswell with my kids and regret every last one I allowed them to be poisoned with, then I managed to get my hands on inserts which isn’t freely given anymore by health “professionals” doing the injecting and I read them properly and was horrified. Embarrassed to know I was so easily trusting 🤢

Why have a child with someone you don't live with? What's that going to teach them as they get older about stable cohesive supportive relationships and a family unit?

Firstly, was the six week wait for EVERYONE, or just HIS family? Because that’s important. He has every right to decide when his family meet his child, just as much as you do. Obviously not expecting you to travel for two hours, but trying to prevent them seeing his child at all is frankly equally ridiculous.
Throwing your things away also sounded ridiculous, until you mentioned “empty boxes”, and I’m not sure why you would be hoarding these in the first place.
I can’t see the relationship surviving very long tbh, so I’d recommend working on co-parenting, that’s if this is even real, which I very much doubt.

The first part is being a bit unreasonable (6 weeks) grandparents should be able to see baby within 1st few days. But with facetime/zoom etc this is possible where distance is involved. THEY should have come to you! Being forced on a 2hr (4hrs round trip?) With a newborn!? Totally out of order.
2nd part. Not being unreasonable at all. Why is he throwing away your stuff? The sheer arrogance. A reasonable person would have asked if he could put them somewhere safely out of the way. What a horrible person - can't even bring myself to call him a man.
Your bf is totally disrespecting your boundaries. Am struggling to understand why you would choose to have a baby with someone that is not treating you like the amazing woman you are, who's just given him a son.

I'd cancel the visit or go to his place. Them being in your home makes it harder for you to leave when you're ready.
Do you have a close friend/family member who can be on hand to help drive you?

Johns Hopkins says:

“Parents should try to limit the number of visitors their babies come in close contact with overall. Consider having extended family and friends wait two to three months until your baby's immune system is stronger to plan their visits.”

It is very sensible to be strict with visitors around newborns and it’s better safe than sorry. Here’s a video that might help explain why.

All of this.

Completely neurotic to not let family meet the baby for 6 weeks.

Completely unreasonable to travel 2 hours 2 days after giving birth.

Completely unreasonable for him to be throwing out things from your home, even more so considering he doesn't even share it with you.

So it depends which part you are asking if you are being unreasonable about.

As someone said quite early on, you have bigger problems than this one family visit.

We need a "totally missing the point" emoji.

You are absolutely correct, nobody has any right to see the baby until you (both, together) agree it’s the right time. You’re the parent it’s your job to control the environment your child is in and who comes in to your environment.

I agree with pp, tell him to get lost with that behaviour in your house, completely unacceptable.

6 week wait to meet family is on the extreme side. A 2 hour drive each way 2 days after birth is outrageous for you and your tiny baby. I can just imagine my midwife's face if we'd have done that with our newborns! He should also leave your stuff in your house alone. BF is bad news.

6 weeks seems excessive, 2 makes more sense but then you know your baby and you might not be breastfeeding. If you are breastfeeding they get quite a lot of protection from that.

What worries me the most is a newborn baby being in a car seat for 4 hours!!!

Please stop focussing on yourselves and starting thinking about the kid?

Run.

I have a baby who is now 12 weeks old today. Waiting 6 weeks for a single visitor is absolutely excessive, it’s your right to say whatever you want, but it is excessive so don’t expect people to react well, especially family. Remember other people have school children, preschool children (I have one of those!) and a tiny baby in the house too. My DP and son had pneumonia in the same small 2 bed flat as me and the baby. We just separated in the flat. Baby didn’t get it. My 3 yo has conjunctivitis. Baby got it.
my point is you can’t always avoid everything. Are you and your partner not leaving the house for 6 weeks either, as you can catch anything from anywhere? I don’t even know where this conjunctivitis or the pneumonia came from!
again, your prerogative just it is unusual so some people won’t react well.

this sad - what on earth are you doing travelling 2 hours each way 2 days after giving birth. Dangerous for you, dangerous for baby in a car seat that long and most importantly goes against what you were comfortable with (waiting 6 weeks for visitors). Very selfish of your DP.

you have a major bf problem it’s good you don’t live together. My advice is. Don’t.

I don’t think it’s ok to expect family to wait six weeks to meet a baby, but I definitely don’t think it’s ok to take a newborn on a two hour car journey, especially at only two days PP yourself.

The throwing stuff out is a huge red flag.

I think the 2 issues are separate op.
The way he is behaving by organising and throwing out your stuff is not on and out of order.
The waiting 6 weeks for family to see a newborn is excessive and I can see why he would want his family to meet their grandchild before that. Are your family ok with not seeing your child for 6 weeks?

His behaviour is awful but a 6 week wait is a piss take.

the relationship is dead isn’t it?

Are you in the US OP? I assume so because of the diaper reference?

Can you leave him off the birth certificate as we can in the UK if unmarried? I'm just wondering as it does not sound like this relationship is a runner.

Waiting 6 weeks for people to meet the baby is a bit weird to be honest. A week or so I get but 6 weeks is excessive unless baby has any health issues.

Asking you to travel 2hr 2 days after giving birth is ridiculous if family want to see the baby they can make the journey.

What stuff of yours did he throw out? I'd make him replace it all, did you tell him not to throw your stuff out or did he do it without you knowing?

It’s actually good for babies to build up their immune system…..

His family has already met the baby, in a way which was not ideal for either you or the baby. Why do they now need to meet the baby again?

Common sense post.

Why does it matter? The OP had a baby only two weeks ago.

Her partner is forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do and is showing total disregard for her by throwing her belongings away.

You are focusing on the wrong things.