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Original poster

Is it cheeky to clean someone's stuff without asking?

33 replies

Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 14:53

Say if you were in someone's house (excluding maybe your partner, child etc) would you clean something without asking?
Not talking about an obvious spillage or something like that, but would you clean something that looked dusty or unclean in any way without the permission or acknowledgement of the homeowner?

OP posts:
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Wakeywake · 29/01/2025 17:06

If it was only pans, I'd assume she was bored and let it go. But yeah, it does feel judgemental and it's not pleasant.

coldscottishmum · 29/01/2025 17:03

I would be quite uncomfortable with this. Not something I would do in someone else’s home. A spill I could wipe over if the persons home I was in was attending to something else, yes. Wash their dishes? No.

Slouchypants · 29/01/2025 17:02

I have done before for a family member I knew was struggling and appreciated it. I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

sixtyandfabulousofcourse · 29/01/2025 17:00

I learnt to mind my own years ago; one evening at my daughters I know she was a busy working new mum so thought i would clean the kitchen. Stripped down the steamer scrubbed out fridge cupboards and work tops etc. thought she would be pleased but she was angry and upset. realised now i had overstepped the mark. when my mum babysat she would do things like ironing or peg out washing but that was acceptable but what i did was criticising her.
when I do housesitting as part of my work re dogs etc i only wash up or clean what i use; ie clean out the bath after showering, wash up, quick hoover before leaving but everything else i leave. it can be hanging with cobwebs and i mind my own!

LurkyMcLurkinson · 29/01/2025 15:31

If you’re not happy with your friend/pet sitter and the service she provided, to the point where you have felt the need to create two separate posts about it, then the healthy thing to do would be to let it go and not use her again, rather than obsess about what they did.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 29/01/2025 15:30

I take it that she was bored and wanted something to do 🤷🏻‍♀️

purplecorkheart · 29/01/2025 15:28

Not unless they were obviously dirty or if they were in the sink.

Gggglinda · 29/01/2025 15:27

I don't think doing a general tidy up is rude, just a quick wiz making it more presentable, washing up/ wiping over worktops, without being intrusive and actually going through peoples belongings.

I remember when FIL stayed with me and did a full on clean whilst I was out. Even all my underwear out the washing basket had been washed and dried. I felt violated 😮

Winterskyfall · 29/01/2025 15:27

Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 14:59

It was pans, they were on top of the stove in a pile, I.e. smaller pans inside larger ones. They were cleaned thoroughly after their last use, maybe it's because they were on the stove that this person decided they needed cleaning.

Yes most likely. My clean pans are either in the cupboard or on the draining board.

mrsm43s · 29/01/2025 15:26

Your pet sitter friend from the other thread that you are complaining about?

She obviously thought the pans were left dirty and so tried to be helpful by washing them up for you. I would think she was trying to be kind and thought you'd not want to come back to dirty pans.

I'd take it as a kind gesture that was well meant.

Winterskyfall · 29/01/2025 15:25

No I wouldn't clean things but in this instance she probably assumed you forgot to clean the pans before leaving because of their positioning and was helping you out because it would be pretty grim to leave them unwashed if you had forgotten in your haste to leave.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/01/2025 15:22

Not rude per se I just would find it weird and neurotic and it would make me think they were a complete control freak.

ReachersAbs · 29/01/2025 15:17

Not the same as your situation but when I looked after my grandkids last time I cleaned up and got the kids to put their washing away. I did debate with myself whether it was a good idea but it was really unclean and untidy and has been for so long that I think she was overwhelmed by it and couldn’t seem to address it.

She seemed very grateful but I was worried that she’d be offended (which is why I got the kids involved too like it was a shared activity if that makes sense).

Snowmanscarf · 29/01/2025 15:16

No, I would never clean someone’s stuff. It’s a passive aggressive way of saying your house is dirty.

I had my dm staying. She decided my under sink cupboard needed cleaning (it didn’t) and re-arranged everything. I had re-rearrange everything to how I use it afterwards.

username299 · 29/01/2025 15:15

I'd love it if someone wanted to clean my house. I'd give them a list.

Original poster
Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 15:13

They were stacked in a pile, they weren't each on a stove, but I'll be keeping them in a cupboard from now on to avoid this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 15:12

Maybe i am overthinking but I like to think I'm a clean person, I would never ever leave dirty pans lying around especially if know someone's coming. I cleaned from top to bottom before she came, as I say the pans were stacked inside of each other so she'd have to have gone through them all to see if she thought they were dirty or not.

OP posts:
SapphireOpal · 29/01/2025 15:12

I would assume a load of pans sat on the stove had been used and were needing washing. Are you saying your pans live sat out on the hob rather than hanging somewhere or in a cupboard?

JanuarySnowyDays · 29/01/2025 15:10

I really think you’re overthinking this!

Original poster
Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 15:07

Some of the washed pans have never even been used. I haven't lived here for long and haven't owned that set for long. As I say I know they were washed as they were moved.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 15:06

They were in a pile, they weren't even lying around etc. But I'll try to forget it and just say she was trying to be nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 15:05

Honestly there was no food in them, I wouldn't leave it out like that as I know it can attract flies, mice etc. And I know she cleaned them as they were all on the draining board when I got back.

OP posts:
Tisthedamnseason · 29/01/2025 15:05

Spongebob35 · 29/01/2025 14:59

It was pans, they were on top of the stove in a pile, I.e. smaller pans inside larger ones. They were cleaned thoroughly after their last use, maybe it's because they were on the stove that this person decided they needed cleaning.

If they were pet sitting, were you on holiday? If you were away for a even a few days I can see that they might have just thought "well she won't want to come back to pans that have been dirty for a few days, I'll give them a quick clean".

I think that's different to, for example, cleaning your bathroom, because pans get dirty and you don't want to leave them a few days, but cleaning a bathroom comes with more of an element of judging someone's levels of cleanliness.

I know you're saying the pans were clean, but she clearly thought they weren't, so I think her thought process was trying to be nice and actually I don't think that doing pans is intrusive.

Shoutinglagerlagerlager · 29/01/2025 15:03

Obviously you and your friend have different standards. I’d interpret it as them trying to be helpful.

xyzandabc · 29/01/2025 15:03

How did you know your friend cleaned them?

If they weren't dirty, your friend cleaning them shouldn't have made any difference to their appearance. So you wouldn't know they'd been cleaned.

Or did your friend tell you that they cleaned some perfectly clean pans, which just seems a bit bonkers.

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