MIL and disregarding boundaries

Make sure you are out. She was warned!

Your husband needs to stand up to her now, or this bit with a baby/child is going to be horrific.

This is a massively bigger deal than just this Sunday.

Personally if dh won't speak to her to stop her coming I would make plans with a friend and go out. He can host his dm..
My ils came in a Monday. If they dropped by any other time I went out. And took dc with me. . Dh knows where your kettle is presumably op?

This is a DH issue, disguised as a MIL issue.

Yes, MIL should respect your wishes but bigger yes - who is advocating for you in childbirth? If DH cannot reaffirm your availability with MIL, how on earth will he have the confidence to request a second opinion / drug top up / anything else you need and require him to source. Man needs to get a grip!

Firstly your primary issue is with how your DH won't address this overstepping of boundaries with his mother and in fact welcomes her in so she can not only overstep these boundaries but trample all over them.

Ask him why is it easier for him to piss you off than piss off his mother? Does he want to move home to be with her? I'd consider telling him that if he doesn't start standing up for you, you are going to find that this baby will be his last as you find his behaviour most unattractive and a turn off.

his mum popping over for an hour
The OP clearly says that his mum always expects to visit for 5/6 hours

DH has to message her and say “we aren’t around this weekend so don’t waste your time.”

Then go out. I am a petty bitch so I would actually treat DH to a night in a hotel, about an hour in the other direction from MIL. Make it a last minute treat.

She’s overstepping your boundaries, not your husbands. He clearly doesn’t have the same boundaries as you or it would bother him, but he probably doesn’t think his mum popping over for an hour on a weekend that you’re at home doing nothing is that big a deal.

If you want to enforce your boundaries, you need to do it yourself and not expect your husband to automatically feel the same way you do and then fight your battles.

If you really can’t bring yourself to be polite to someone that’s driving an hour to give you stuff after their planned trip was cancelled because of something they couldn’t control, just go to your bedroom.

This 👆 Make it his problem if he’s too much of a wimp to stand up to her.

You need to make DH understand that if he doesn’t say no, you will explode in front of MIL, so if he doesn’t want that, he needs to speak to her first. I wouldn’t have a problem with a quick pop in and chat for an hour, but if you know she’s going to try to stay put for 6 hours then yes,, you’ve got a problem.

Maybe he can go to his mum’s house and see her then.

This. 🙄

Don't say you will be out, tell her straight that you have told her no and if she turns up on your doorstep you will not be opening the door to her. Tell her she is rude to impose her visiting on you when you have explicitly said no.

The issue is that you allow someone to ignore your boundaries if you continue to let her into your house. You have said no, so stand by that. She will soon learn that turning up when it is not convenient to you will not gain her access to your house.

Good suggestion above, get DH to go to hers and collect. He can spend time with Mum, you get time to yourself. That's coming to an end for you soon, clouds and silver linings!

Exactly the type of thing mil would do.either that or get offended and not speak to dh for weeks.

Maybe your DH wants to see his mum? Does he tell you when you can or cannot see your parents?

Oh dear. Well we won't be here and I've checked with the neighbours and they're away. You could put it in a bin bag in case it rains and lob it over the side gate I suppose.... why can't it wait a few weeks?

On the other hand, if you stall her now she'll use it as an excuse to turn up while you're in labour.

Personally I'd make arrangements for the day and leave your DH to entertain her and your toddler. He's making his own bed.

Honestly your husband needs to put his foot down. She is only like this because HE allows it and she knows it.

I'd be making clear to husband that if he doesn't deal with her that you'll arrange to go away for the weekend without him. Or that you simply will not engage with either of them if she does turn up.

There is nothing so urgent that she needs to drop off, I feel this is a crucial point in establishing your boundaries before baby arrives. Your partner needs to deal with her.

Nothing that she can be dropping off is so essential that she should disregard the fact the OP said "we have plans".

It's just rude.

"I'm sorry MIL but you will have a wasted journey if you come on Sunday. As I've said, we have plans and won't be available"

So your dh is the actual problem then, isn't he.

Stay in bed, take the batteries out of the doorbell and don't answer when she knocks.

Relax on Saturday and be out for the whole day Sunday.... Walk, lunch and shopping a good bit away in a big town and simply don't bring it up.
If she wants to drop stuff on doorstep, ok.

If my MIL responded to me like that I would reply with...

I have said no,up to you if you want to waste a journey because I won't be letting you in.
If she sulks not your problem.

Clearly your husband struggles with saying 'no' to his mum. However he needs to be putting you first and he still finds that difficult too, so I'd be asking her son to go drop in on her and collect anything she's hoping to drop off before Friday night. Then, your husband can come home.