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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should have my shit together?

62 replies

BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 10:45

I’m drowning in life! Kids & work and I’m doing none of it well! I try my best every day but it is never good enough! For eg I had to call in sick today as my little one had me up all night from 1am-5am and has come out in spots all over her face. Work are not happy and I may get sacked as had a long sickness / absence history due to my health/ kids. Yesterday I forgot to take son’s PE kit out of washer so it was still wet on the morning and he was late. So basically failing at home, as a mum & at work! 4 kids ages 17, 14, 12, 2. Husband who said he couldn’t get up last night as had a big job in today. Not much of a support network apart from my mum who does her best to help. I have anxiety, depression and in diagnosed what I think is an autoimmune condition and PMDD. AMBU to think everyone else copes with day to day life of work and kids and I should be able to as well?

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 29/01/2025 14:17

BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 13:55

Because their school is on my way to nursery and work so I take them with me. Do other people just leave their older kids to fend for themselves on a morning? Like just leave them in bed and expect them to get up and to school on their own?

Show quote history

Of course they do? Surely you’ve noticed very few people take their 14 & 17 year olds to school and pick them up?

AquaPeer · 29/01/2025 14:16

BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 13:36

If my children are ill that’s my priority sorry! I don’t know what world you live in!

Show quote history

You can’t phone in sick to your employers because your children are ill- that’s not sick leave. It’s parental/ emergency/ annual leave.

I live in a world where people sacked for performance find it hard to get new jobs, and so don’t have any money.

Original poster
BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 13:55

berksandbeyond · 29/01/2025 13:49

Why are you doing school runs for 12, 14 and 17 years olds?

Even with a supportive husband, 4 kids and work is a lot, so I'm not surprised you're struggling

Because their school is on my way to nursery and work so I take them with me. Do other people just leave their older kids to fend for themselves on a morning? Like just leave them in bed and expect them to get up and to school on their own?

OP posts:
berksandbeyond · 29/01/2025 13:49

Why are you doing school runs for 12, 14 and 17 years olds?

Even with a supportive husband, 4 kids and work is a lot, so I'm not surprised you're struggling

Original poster
BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 13:36

AquaPeer · 29/01/2025 12:57

OP I know people will argue it’s fine but You can’t be phoning into work sick when you only work 3 days because you didn’t get much sleep, you really can’t. You can’t phone in sick for your kids problems and especially not when you are likely to need so much sick leave to manage your conditions.

What will you do with no job!?? I’m afraid work wpuld have to be the priority for me.

youre dropping balls because you’re distracted and overwhelmed trying to manage them all. Don’t be so hard on yourself

have you looked at what you could be entitled to in divorce? Maybe you’d be better off especially as he’d have the children 50%

If my children are ill that’s my priority sorry! I don’t know what world you live in!

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 29/01/2025 12:57

OP I know people will argue it’s fine but You can’t be phoning into work sick when you only work 3 days because you didn’t get much sleep, you really can’t. You can’t phone in sick for your kids problems and especially not when you are likely to need so much sick leave to manage your conditions.

What will you do with no job!?? I’m afraid work wpuld have to be the priority for me.

youre dropping balls because you’re distracted and overwhelmed trying to manage them all. Don’t be so hard on yourself

have you looked at what you could be entitled to in divorce? Maybe you’d be better off especially as he’d have the children 50%

Original poster
BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 12:51

Hotnspicyy · 29/01/2025 11:26

Could you have a house meeting? 12,14 and 17 year old can help out and do chores. Not saying they should have lots to do but a few things a week each. You need to speak to DH about him helping more, depending on what your work are like you could tell them how you’re feeling too.

Thanks it’s more me dropping the ball with the tasks I’m supposed to do ya know?!

OP posts:
Original poster
BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 12:49

myopinionis · 29/01/2025 11:43

You have four children, a [full time?] job each, and health issues. Of course you can't get your shit fully together - give yourself a break.

Something needs to give a bit. Accept lower standards, or get the older kids to help, or one of you reduces work hours?

Edit : you've not described the balance of domestic labour between you and husband really either?

Edited

Thanks I just look at other people and think well the rest of the world also have kids and work and seem to manage. Why can’t I?! I work 3 days. Husband has own business so is out 7days a week at “work” I suspect he does less work (he has people working for him) and more dog walking/ haircuts etc. where as my job is full on. I do all the nursery/ school runs and find mornings the hardest on my own getting us all out the door by 8am. It gives me anxiety and makes me not want to even wake up! Household labour is 80% me too and he can be verbally abusive when I try and call him out on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BexAubs20 · 29/01/2025 12:46

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 29/01/2025 11:17

I can't offer any advice on the parent/husband stuff.

I too had/have a genetic autoimmune condition at the time I seriously thought I had PMDD too so I know that feeling, though.

My boss must have thought I was mentally unstable every month (technically I was I suppose) and I'm sure it cost me a promotion and damaged my reputation generally.

Anyway - I say "had" PMDD because I happened across an article that said take magnesium citrate for depressive episodes around menstruation and honestly it changed my whole world. Steady as the sunrise ever since. I just need to remember to take it around the right time (for me approx a week before starting a period)

I will try the magnesium thanks! Yes my work (although supportive) definitely think I’m mental!

OP posts:
myopinionis · 29/01/2025 11:43

You have four children, a [full time?] job each, and health issues. Of course you can't get your shit fully together - give yourself a break.

Something needs to give a bit. Accept lower standards, or get the older kids to help, or one of you reduces work hours?

Edit : you've not described the balance of domestic labour between you and husband really either?

Hotnspicyy · 29/01/2025 11:26

Could you have a house meeting? 12,14 and 17 year old can help out and do chores. Not saying they should have lots to do but a few things a week each. You need to speak to DH about him helping more, depending on what your work are like you could tell them how you’re feeling too.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 29/01/2025 11:17

I can't offer any advice on the parent/husband stuff.

I too had/have a genetic autoimmune condition at the time I seriously thought I had PMDD too so I know that feeling, though.

My boss must have thought I was mentally unstable every month (technically I was I suppose) and I'm sure it cost me a promotion and damaged my reputation generally.

Anyway - I say "had" PMDD because I happened across an article that said take magnesium citrate for depressive episodes around menstruation and honestly it changed my whole world. Steady as the sunrise ever since. I just need to remember to take it around the right time (for me approx a week before starting a period)

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