To think I should have my shit together?

This OP sounds like a cry for help and at breaking point. Your DH and older children (I had a full time job at 15 and got myself to and from there myself) need to step up.

It sounds like your DH is expecting you to be the one to take time off every time a child is sick and be up in the night. You both work, it needs to be 50-50.

All I get from your OP is that you have a DH issue. He needs to help out more and pull his weight.

the 14 and 17 year old should definitely have chores, so should the 12 year old but maybe smaller amount. They are all old enough to get themselves dressed teeth brushed and packed lunch x

My 16 year old daughter is autistic and goes to a specialist school. She still gets herself up in the morning and is ready for the taxi, makes her own breakfast and packed lunch, does her own washing, will help around the house with cleaning, cooking etc. We are meant to be preparing them for adulthood, right?

Older children need to get themselves up and out. Bags / clothes organised the night before (them not you!). These are life skills, it's not helpful to reach young adulthood without learning to take responsibility for themselves. I would say from last year Primary / first year secondary this should be expected, you can implement it now for them all.

Your 2 yr old sickness needs to be covered equally between you and your partner. Surely he understands your job is at risk and your family needs your income? It's practical to split this and not allow one persons job to take precedence.

You have 4 kids, work 3 days a week, do all the household chores and not in the best health. Bloody hell! You have so much on your plate, I don’t think anyone would reasonably be able to cope with this. I think your family could step up a little bit and give you some support. You need time for yourself to recharge, e.g. exercise / hobbies / friends. And a holiday! Maybe just you and your mum. Let the family see what it’s like without you.

OP you don’t need to pity me as we are total strangers and I am also incredibly secure in my brilliance as a mother and in my career.

you must realise by your stage of life that you can’t take as much time off as you want for dependants, your own post states that you may be sacked for your absence record.

i keep asking- and you don’t answer- do you just not care about being sacked?! You very much appear that you don’t. In which case why work at all? Speed up your journey to being a SAHM, it’ll be much easier for you

It does sound stressful, OP.

My children are little so I can’t comment much on the teenage logistics - though I definitely got myself to and from school at that age!

It strikes me that your husband needs to step up in several ways. If your toddler is too unwell for nursery then he should be taking time off for that, 50% of the time. It can’t all be on you to miss work.

Encourage your teenage kids to get themselves up, get some breakfast and make sure they've got the right kit. If they can get themselves to school too, they should be doing that as well. If you do everything for them you're not helping them become independent, as well as giving yourself extra work. If you take too much time off you're possibly going to get fired so your H needs to cover some of the time the kids are sick.

Do other people just leave their older kids to fend for themselves on a morning?

You're not serious?!

My eldest two are 17 and 14. I absolutely call them when I wake (several times 🙄) to make sure they're up and about. But that's it.

Two days a week I'm in the office and leave before them...I shout up the stairs 'right I'm off, don't you miss your buses or [insert appropriate threat]. Love you!'...and out I go. They get themselves breakfasted, dressed and to school/college and the last one out locks the door.

No wonder you're knackered and struggling if you're looking after them ALL as if they're all primary aged!

OP when you are sacked for having so much time off you aren’t going to be able to argue that other women in your office are responsible for not letting you have as much time off as you need for ill children lack of sleep and your own health problems.

do you just not care about not having a job?

if you don’t then isn’t the best solution to resign so you lose one of the major balls you’re trying to juggle?

The 14 year old and 17 year old certainly should be responsible enough to get up and out for school assuming no additional support needs. If giving them a lift makes life easier for you/them I’d expect them to be ready to go when you are.

Yes you’re missing something

interesting that your husband doesn’t think it’s his job, either

@BexAubs20 to be fair you didn't say you'd taken the day off to look after your sick child, you said you'd taken the day off because you were tired from being up with your child.

You're angry at the wrong person- go shout at the guy you had 4 kids with

My children were getting up and off to school unsupervised by secondary school as I was out at work from 6am and their dad worked nights. At what point in their lives will you stop getting them up?

If it helps, not one of mine overslept or forgot PE kits. They're now adults with full time jobs.

See OP? This was helpful. There is a really good solution in that you start giving the older 3 some more independence and getting them to help with the household too. You’re doing too much of them and not enough work to keep your employees satisfied. Win win

Yes others cope but they probably don't have 4 kids and a health condition! No way could I have managed 4 kids even with no health issues. Can you get the 17 year old to help out with housework? Look for a work from home job? Get your H to help with school runs, pay for a cleaner? The mornings are the most stressful I think. Can your H do a couple?

@BexAubs20 Em.. yes, they do? Do you brush their teeth for them too?

No wonder you're knackered, they're almost adults!

In a world where even the most supportive of workplaces expect you to, you know, turn up for work.

You have four children: presumably that was your choice and it's a choice you have to manage, especially given the fact that two are teenagers and another almost an adult.