Ex pissed off im changing childcare arrangements. AIBU?

Can I ask why on earth you think it would be fair for OP to just walk away from their joint marital home and take nothing, despite having a financial interest in it and having care of their two children for 90% of the time ? And given that CMS don’t expect the partner of the NRP to contribute to childcare, why would you expect the OP’s partner to ?

The OP is going to be getting 50% of his inheritance to which she wasn't entitled. it's what financed 'their' house.

If you find someone to sort your Friday issue then he will benefit anyways. He is responsible as it’s his day but you also need to find a solution. The main thing is he will need to pay for his days.

Does he have someone who could pick up for him, mother? Is he actually working Friday afternoons? My BIL makes a big fuss being self employed but he is often finished early afternoon most days anyway.
If he is so poorly paid should he be self employed, would he be better off in employment (although you have no control of this now).

I did mention upthread a little that some posts come across as advocating a kind of punishment for recognising your sexuality and not being prepared to live a lie.

Nobody has said OP should have lived a lie 🙄 they're saying that being gay isn't an excuse to have an affair - she could have just ended the marriage amicably first.

Yabu to title the post "changing childcare arramgements" sounds like childminder had them amd now moving to after school club. All of which would be none of his business. The problem is you want him to do a Fri afternoon. Perhaps he genuinely cant give up the flexibilty of being able to work Fridays or perhaps it is out of spite. It is rubbish he doesn't see it as good opportunity for extra time with child. There is nothing you can do to make him change unfortunately. Perhaps it can just confirm you made the right decsion to leave.

The finances and the housing are all seperate issues which you both previously agreed and arent really relevant. Neither is the emotional affair so dont think people should be jumping on that either.

For your own peace i would be focusing on solution rather than if ex being unreasonable.

I did mention upthread a little that some posts come across as advocating a kind of punishment for recognising your sexuality and not being prepared to live a lie. I know you mentioned that the marriage was over by that point anyway, but that situation wouldn’t have been sustainable long term. MN is guilty of double standards sometimes and I think this is one of them.

@Childcare101sans but being suitably housed could mean that you private rent, or use your own money, or your new partners money - it just seems very callous that you chose to have an affair and then chose to walk off with 200k "in lieu of maintenance" knowing he was a low earner and would never come close to ever paying you that amount.

You ask why people bring up the inheritance and it's because it's all part of a bigger picture. When it comes to emotions you can't just isolate one part of the whole picture - a lot of your ex's current behaviour is likely due to how you behaved all those years ago.

You reap what you sow, as they say.

OP - you are getting very upset about people who are making moral statements about your affiar. But I notice you're largely ignoring posts who are pointing out that you are changing the goal posts and thats not okay.

I honestly don't give a toss that you had an affair. Even if HE had had the affair and that is why the relationship ended, I'd still say you are being unreasoable to just expect hi to suck it up now that you've agreed chidlcare and long-term financial arrangements.

The only bit where you having an affair might be relevant is that if you'd divorced amicably perhaps he'd be more willing to agree o a new solution.

Because this is MN and posters will pick an OP apart and concentrate on something totally irrelevant to the advice you’re looking for. In this case it’s because you happened to mention that your ex inherited a house and posters have skimmed past the fact that it was sold to buy your joint marital home, and that you contributed to that, because the narrative is that you cheated on your ex and then made off with half his inheritance !!

Lots of talk by you about the children being housed securely but he also needs to provide this for them, which is probably why, being on a low income, he is worried about losing more money.

You’ve also not mentioned yet how you’re going to make your Friday work even if he ends up agreeing to it, seeing as you’ve exhausted all other options?

I think you are confusing a few things. Housing children could also be renting, Ultimately the house is your financial asset which is why it keeps being brought up.

Anyway, I don’t think anyone should be asked to cut there work hours back, especially if you don’t know there outgoings or debt, You need to find a solution that works round the children or of thought about it before accepting the job rather than relying on somebody unreliable. I earn a lot more than my ex and wouldn’t expect him to cut back paid work to accommodate my career, that money goes back in to our daughter when he does see her.

Thanks for clarifying. I think a lot of posters are misreading your OP and think you actually lived in the inherited house as the marital home.

Yes of course your exH needs to pick your DS up from school on Friday EOW! You might need to get your solicitor involved here.

Am I being unreasonable changing the goal posts to benefit the fact that I have a new and better paid job?

Your OP was not about the children being housed securely. It was about you changing the goalposts in an agreed arrangement. You would have more of the moral highground about that if you hadn't cheated and were now trying to change the agreement to suit you and your job to the detriment of his.

@Childcare101sans wow, you certainly have a way of twisting people's words don't you?

Nobody forced you to cheat, you could have done the decent thing and separated properly before finding another woman 🙄

Don't act like you and your kids are all hard done by when this was 100% a choice you made!

What has being gay got to do with your low morals and high demands?

Not necessarily. You are very likely to leave at least 50% of the house to your partner/ husband/wife!

@Rosscameasdoody her sexuality is irrelevant- being gay doesn't give you a free pass to cheat on your partner.

If OP was unhappy she could have just left. Absolutely no need to cheat.

If your partner had an affair you would be a shit parent to your DC to make your exs life harder? It sounds like the inheritance has been her exs only contribution to raising the DC. He refused to get a stable job, do or pay for any childcare during their marriage. No wonder she had a bloody affair!