Ex pissed off im changing childcare arrangements. AIBU?

Hardly the same scenario is it? OP cheated on him and walked out with half his inheritance!

So on the 2 days he had the kids for 2 hours in the week does he do school pick up? If so could the Friday not be 1 of those regular spots?

I can't believe MN is calling the OP unreasonable. There is literally another thread where someone is saying her DH asking her to go part time so the school pick up is easier and MN are agreeing she should.

Here MN doesn't see that a parent earning less than the main earner, and who can work flexibly, really should pick up his children two days a month. The double standard is appalling.

You're not unreasonable, OP. He should pick up his kids on his Fridays. As you say, it's not childcare, it's parenting.

I would if the OP wasn't financially supporting their DC and seeing so little of them. A partner having an affair doesn't give you the right be a bad parent.

I fully agree with all of this.

I don’t think what you’ve asked for is fundamentally wrong, but if he will have to forgo paid work to facilitate it then I think you’ll need to agree on a 3rd party arrangement. Which will probably cost, which you can cover from your higher salary.

Yes it’s his kids too, but the prior arrangement worked for all. You want the new job (congratulations & good luck!!), but you’re going to have to find a way to make it work.

Otherwise you’ll be fighting EXH, learning a new job, and dealing with unreliable childcare on a Friday.

This strikes me as a scenario where what’s fair, and what’s reality are slightly misaligned.

@WhatFreshHellisThese if this was the other way round, absolutely nobody would be supporting the bloke who had an affair and now wanted his ex to lose income to help further his career.

He can always arrange his own childcare for 2 hours a month if he would rather be in work for those hours. YANBU. My ex was like this whenever I needed to move stuff around. But be could change jobs on a whim and I was just meant to suck it up.

I don’t understand how you got to doing pick up on Fridays in the first place. He should have picked that up from you for starters once you split. My bet is that he probably wouldn’t bother if you didn’t do that for him.

I shall say why I think YBU. Because you have alot of people voting for it but not saying anything to you about why. I've seen one.

You cheated, you broke up your family, broke up your relationship, were disloyal and betrayed him. Doesn't matter if it's with same or opposite sex. Betrayal is betrayal. You being the offending party, then get someone with low income who put his inheritance into a family home, then asked said low income person who will never realistically be able to afford a house or pay it off again, for half of it.... After blowing your relationship and family apart.
You've said that he wouldn't have to pay maintenance like you were being kind. No you were being very clever. Because it would have been minimal on his low income, so you made sure after betraying him, that you got your claws into a solid chunk for you. You are self pitying in you having to do childcare, where you are responsible for your own fall out. I mean now you expect him to jump around like your circus monkey to benefit you again. There is a pattern there of you being a self serving person. Why don't you ask your new partner to do it? Why expect the ex that you have already screwed over on every level to bend over backwards to benefit you again? Just because you are a woman doesn't give you a get out clause. And just because you ended up with a woman doesn't make any difference either. Your ex probably already feels like he's been taken for a massive ride by you. There's an expression of kicking a dead body for coins....

@Childcare101sans could you give a rough timeline to aid clarity? At the moment people seem to think you and your husband split on the Monday, agreed the childcare arrangements on the Tuesday and on the Thursday you wanted to change them. Later posts give the impression this probably happened over a longer time period

It would also be useful for your older children to learn to drive - for their own sakes mostly, and in case of emergencies with your child care.

You need to do more lateral thinking and come up with a solution. Can your partner pick him up?
Can he go home to a friend's place and you pay that Mum?
Is there an after school club or hobby that would suit ?

This. I totally agree I imagine your earnings and the extra you have contributed over the years has by far outstripped the 200k. Childcare costs alone over the past 18 years will be in tens and tens of thousands.

I think it's more he's making it her problem. Don't forget he does no pick ups or drop offs, she does them all

OP is way nicer than me, as l do 50/50 on pick ups and drop offs with my husband. She's not even with her husband anymore and he won't even do 1 a week!

@Childcare101sans you seem to have got quite a good deal with the property and so on. It might be that he thinks you’re a bit disrespectful to want to change the agreement - after all how does he benefit? If he would be out of pocket could you offer a small amount to cover his loss of time? Or just pay someone else to do Friday? I can see why he is put out - you agreed no maintenance and you get the property - if collecting will cost him then he will see that as you taking money/changing things to your benefit. I can see both sides.

Could you change/flex your hours at all/work a couple of hours later at home one evening to cover the early finish?

Stop being generous.
Go for the maximum you can get from the house.
You have carried this loser for years.

What is the age of the child? Are they old enough to walk home and stay there for an hour?

So you got 50% of a house that he inherited. It was his. No wonder he isn't pleased after being shafted.

Why can't your new dp help out if you all live in the same house?

As you're now in a LT relationship, I would have thought she'd be interested and willing to help you move forward with your career? When someone starts a live-in relationship with another who already has children, surely there is an expectation that your domestic life will be impacted somewhat.

Oh please 🙄