DH wants me to go part time at work …

I didn't go back to work after our son was born. By the time child care fees, petrol, travel time and the amount of time my son would be in nursery, compared to my salary, it simply wasn't worth it. We had to tighten our belts, it was hard and a bloody shock going from 2 full-time salaries to just 1. Once my son started school, I went back to work part-time in a school, it meant I didn't need to worry about child care and I was there for school runs/homework etc. Yes, I do the bulk of the chores, I work part-time, so I don't mind. My husband works full-time, but he helps with some chores, finances and parenting. He cooks at the weekend, so it gives me a break. For us it works, and yes I know I'm lucky to be in the position I am. Many women have no choice but to work full-time. If you can manage on 1 wage, then go part-time. You can always go back to full-time once your children are older and more independent.

I should add I in no way regret the time I had with my children but I was very naive to go into a financial situation which only benefited my husband. Who at the time, I thought loved me. But clearly didn’t

Time and opportunity? Life happens. I went part time in thankfully quite a well paid job when kids were small. Over the years there were opportunities to step back up but only if dh picked up the slack. He didn’t. Then he left. Then I had cancer 2 months later. Can’t work full time, earn a lot less than he does and he takes no responsibility for the children.

What’s to stop OP going back to FT? It doesn’t have to be permanent.

My DH works for a multi national company and so many of his colleagues (and him) have lived in different countries. Those that are relocated with young children in the UK go to nurseries - the few I know personally went PT with one SAHM parent, their children still speak fluent English despite not going FT. My DH himself is bilingual and was raised by a parent who worked PT. Children don’t need to be FT in nursery to learn a language - plus that’s quite a unique situation to you and your family. So you might view it as an opportunity but few families will share that view.

In respect of your other points I’m not clear why you think those opportunities are only attainable by two FT incomes. It’s clearly household/disposable income that’s going to determine that. OP dropping, say, 10 hours a week on 35k is not going to be the determining factor re whether or not her children can be privately educated, have their uni fees paid, or travel extensively…

I work part-time, working school hours Monday to Friday. It definitely has its pro and cons and there’s lots to think about before you make a decision.

My husband works long hours in a stressful job, often working away so the vast majority of childcare, dog walking and house work falls to me. I’m glad the kids have time at home with at least one parent and it means I am able to take them to their sports clubs, some of which start as early as 4pm.

On the other hand I do feel resentful that my husband just gets to to go to work and come home and chill where as I work 30 hours then have to do all the school runs, taking to clubs, cooking and cleaning, dog walking etc. Because I only work six hours a day I do not get a break so can’t nip to the shop or have any time to myself like I used to when I worked full time. It annoys me that my career is suffering but I earn much less than my husband. I sometimes feel like going back full time but know the responsibilities would still be on my shoulders and the kids would have to give up their clubs.

If you go part time just make sure you protect your long term financial future. Pension, savings, critical illness cover. Things can change in a heartbeat and it isn’t always easy to get back on track if you are on your own with 2 kids and no real career.

Sorry you didn’t say re opportunities - Parker did and also referred to my comments as idiotic hence my offence.

It’s clearly not working for OP, otherwise she wouldn’t have started the thread.

I went part time when mine were little and increased my hours when I got a new job.

Absolutely loved my days at home with them and wish I could still be part time.

I appreciate the part about your pension but you may enjoy being home with the kids. You blink and before you know it they don't need you as much.

I'm 38 and have been working part time for 5 years.

I can always make more money I won't ever get to relive those days with my babies.

Plus the way things are going we'll be retiring at 85 😂

It’s not just nursery, that’s a very small part of their childhood. I am struggling to understand what “opportunities” my DC could be missing out on because my career choice enables me to use minimal wrap around care and earn a decent wage.
I'm not sure I did say your children would be missing out? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally think it’s hugely beneficial for them. Wraparound care is just supervision, not some hugely enriching experience. Nursery is fine, but again, they don’t benefit from going FT.

Our wraparound care is so much more than supervision. It's an ofsted outstanding childcare provider and the kids love it.

Our child benefited from full time nursery as it allowed both me and DH to progress our careers which has benefited our family in the long term both financially and in terms of experiences and opportunities. That works for us.

Edit - if working FT works for your family, great. But don’t pretend it’s some kind of ideal.

It's ideal for us. It won't be ideal for other families and that's fine.

Summer was best at ours: 90 mins of outdoor playing. They’d get out balls and hoops and let them go on the obstacle course.

i was over 3 years past separation before any financial agreement was made or maintenance paid. I have no idea how we would have survived if I wasn’t employed.

Would never have guessed we would end up like that in the early nursery days.

Keep your income. Buy in as much help as you can, offset hours a bit and consider both dropping a day but don’t sacrifice your own earning capability before his.

I can whole heartedly recommend part time with little kids, I’ve been working part time since I went back to work after my oldest in 2018, 3 days works perfect and I have two days with my littlest one each week and also with my oldest in the holidays. I’ve climbed the salary ladder which has helped but it was a pinch at first but meant we only had to pay one day nursery back in 2018 and now only 2 days for our little one (we have grandparents who help on the other day). It helps us both catch our breath and I feel much more present as a mum.

Full time nursery enabled DT’s to learn English. We’re a trilingual family and we don’t speak English at home.
DT’s have benefited from what we were able to provide them with - an excellent private education, numerous after school classes, opportunities to travel extensively, fees paid for University.

School wrap around care is more than supervision ( well it was at DT’s school). They did sport, crafts, instruments practice, computers, or simply curling up with a book. DT’s loved having extra time to play with their friends. Lots of complaints if I collected them early.
Working full time for our family was ideal.

And what opportunities do you think FT nursery (and presumably then wraparound care at school) afforded your children vs PT and time spent with a main caregiver?

You’ve said it yourself DH and I both wanted to continue with our careers that wasn’t a decision you made for the betterment of the children, but for your own careers.

Each to their own.

I was PT whilst ours were at infant school but now they are KS2 I’ve gone FT. I think it’s improved our marriage but I hate cleaning/washing so I’d rather be at work and we can afford a cleaner. I’m not ideal SAHM material! I say that having been a SAHM and with absolute respect for those who do it.

If your children are coming up to school age I’d suggest putting in a flexible working working request to go term time only rather than PT. As it’s the school holidays that are the killer.

It’s not just nursery, that’s a very small part of their childhood. I am struggling to understand what “opportunities” my DC could be missing out on because my career choice enables me to use minimal wrap around care and earn a decent wage. Personally think it’s hugely beneficial for them. Wraparound care is just supervision, not some hugely enriching experience. Nursery is fine, but again, they don’t benefit from going FT.

Edit - if working FT works for your family, great. But don’t pretend it’s some kind of ideal.

It depends on the ages of the baby but don’t you think it’s a bit selfish to make your children be in nursery for such long days when you don’t need to, just to save your own career which most likely would just stagnate for a few years if you were to drop some hours?

Some careers just don't work like that. A career break and to some extent part time hours are career suicide in my sector.

My DS is 10 now and still speaks very fondly of nursery and it was a place he flourished.

It sounds like something you would both like. However the impact on your pension shouldn’t be downplayed. Could you get some financial advice on maintaining a decent pension? Make sure you know what you personally are giving up financially.

In principle though I think it’s a good idea.

Not all careers can be achieved with a break or part time hours particularly in the early stages. DH and I both wanted to continue with our careers and found an excellent nursery for DT’s. The staff were older, low staff turnover, excellent qualifications and facilities. I love DT’s to bits but would have hated being a SAHM.
DT’s are now in their early 20’s so I’ve the advantage of being able to see that our approach was successful.

It depends on the ages of the baby but don’t you think it’s a bit selfish to make your children be in nursery for such long days when you don’t need to, just to save your own career which most likely would just stagnate for a few years if you were to drop some hours?

Think about the long term too... are you gonna refuse your kids any clubs after school because of working full time? If they're in all that wrap around care 5 days a week till dinner time they'll be no Wednesday swimming or Tuesday karate like their friends.

Forgetting the pair of you and your stress and your careers, thats a lot of nursery to put the kids through on a daily/weekly basis. I feel its shitty on them because you can obviously afford to go part time and aren't?