DH wants me to go part time at work …

If you can afford to have two kids in nursery full time and work part time then do it. Life is short, and you could even drop some time at nursery, spend more time with your kids. I really struggled before 3 to put my kid in full time. The other option is you look for a similar job in a similar sector? Either way make sure you keep your self on the path you want, in 11 years your kids will be teenagers and life will look very different so don't give up everything for them. It's hard balance but maybe just starting with 4 days a week? Plus your husband starting earlier might help with the pickup

It is a treadmill but unfortunately that's life with young kids and it gets better with time!

“It just takes organising”

How patronising!! Sounds like OP IS organised, but it’s stressful and not quite working for them atm.

I would try and drop some hours if you can. As someone else said, perhaps your DH can top up your pension himself.

I’m the same age as you and went part time. 3 kids with the eldest in secondary. I’m able to drop the kids to breakfast club and as my hours were shortened during the day it meant I was home before them so could start dinner and then collect them from school/clubs. It’s meant we can spend more time as a family in the evenings and my husband wasn’t being affected in his job having to do pick ups/random days where I had training etc. it’s worked well for us, you have to find what works well for you.

Mothers.

It is only mothers who are expected to give up their careers or heavily cut back on their career progression and earning potential in order to go part time.

My children go to nursery full time because going part time would be career suicide and as a mother, I'm still allowed to enjoy having a career too and the flexibility that comes with it which is only possible because I work full time.

I don't feel like I'm missing out on their childhood at all, we still get plenty of quality time together.

Just adding, if my husband could go part time he would as well!

Yes! I went part time with my first one and I defined won't be going back to full time until we need to.
You've got beautiful life, husband and kids. And you have yourself. If you cannot enjoy yourself, relationship and kids, what do you have then for? To enjoy them when they are all grown up?
Part time is half and half and def gives you time to sort out everything and spending time with your kids.
Two days I don't work kids still go to school/nursery, but I do the house work, sort out laundry, shopping, cooking and recharge for the weekend. Then weekend I give it all for my family.
At the beginning the weekend came and we were both exhausted with no energy to do nothing. And parenting is definitely a lot more difficult when you're tired.

If he tops up your pension from the savings you make in childcare costs, and you can perhaps study as well as going PT, I personally would do it.
I would definitely look to keeping up some kind of study to make myself more employable upon return.

Given you say your talents are in demand, there should be a job to go back to.

I’d say go part time , your kids are the most important thing. You can go / find full time work in a couple of years.

I have one early primary aged child and one preschooler. I’ve not worked ft since have first one. I can never understand people who have children then put them in daycare for the majority of their awake hours. I work 2 long days a week, 8-6. I drop off with childminder at 7.30am, she does school drop off and pick up on them days then hubby collects them at 5.30, gets dinner ready and I get home about 6.15. This works really well in our house in that I still earn about £18kp/a, making pension and NI contributions and do enough hours to qualify for funded childcare. You’re missing out on so much of your children’s childhood, I think they and you would really enjoy it if you can afford to do less hours.

Yes do it.
these people saying ‘what if he left you’ etc. well I very much doubt if he died or if he left that her 35k salary would cover what her 35k salary plus his 75k salary would cover.
its about teamwork. Not running yourselves into the ground incase you break up. Deal with breaking up if and when you break up.

We were the same as you when our kids were small, even with after school club getting there in time was nail biting.

So I got a babysitter/nanny that I found on gumtree and it was a lifesaver! She is still with us even though both mine are at high school now and I work from home (can’t bear to lose her). She does pick up, orthodontists, ballet and tennis runs. When they were small she made sure they were fed and homework done, so when I got home around 6.30 all I had to do was spend time with them.

Now they are older she tidies the kitchen and does my ironing! Every year we all debate if we still need her, but whilst they still need taken to various clubs it is easier just to hang onto her.

why can’t you just finish slightly earlier 3 days a week to collect children? He collects the other 2…
My advice as a mother who gave up my career to be a mum and now am single with no career and no pension would be that whatever you decide… continue to pay the same amount into your pension!… so if you go part-time get an agreement in place that DH will top up your pension contributions to what you pay while working full time!

@Pinkflowerpower

Previously I was a HOD in a secondary school earning around 48k - this was quite a few years ago so seemed a lot at the time.

Could you go back into teaching part time? It’s not brilliant term time but if you did 0.6 you might be lucky & get 2 days a week off & you would then get all the school hols.

Isn’t it about spending more time with your children as well as sorting the ‘hassle’ of them? In a divorce the husband would likely be paying maintenance and the wife entitled to his assets so it’s not like there is no protection. Plus it wouldn’t be forever. If I ever needed to go back to full time I’m confident my organisation would offer me the hours or I would move to a different company.

@BettyBardMacDonald that's a very simplistic view of it. Yes, it's partly due to the 'hassle' of the school run but also going part time gives you that after school time with your children to do homework, activities etc.

We discussed the risks of divorce, my husband dying or becoming ill etc but I decided to take that risk and go down to school hours. I am in a career where I have still be promoted since being part time and can up my hours when needed so they do exist.

This.

Losing autonomy because the school runs are a hassle is ridiculous and shortsighted.

Do it, you only live once..spend time with your children, money isn't everything. It sounds like you will have plenty to live off

There is a big difference between part time and the one hour needed to safely have time to do the pick ups. Is there not a middle ground?

The fact that 42% of marriages end up in divorce, I think this would be a terrible idea. It’s always the woman who is left in financial shit die yo sacrificing their careers.

OP I understand your worries. I think as a parent that’s all you ever do.

I think you’ve misunderstood.

Different reasons for me but I’m 39 with a 2 year old. In October I went from a day time manager to an overnight team leader and just do 2, 7 hour shifts.

We do still need my wage and because it’s overnight it’s a good rate.

The main difference is I wanted to be at home with my daughter as I felt I was missing out on too much. My mental health with being away from her was awful.

You certainly have options. And if it came to it you could consider returning to teaching at least gives you the school holidays off. Which is a biggy once your kids are school age. Even early secondary years when holiday care is non existent, but you have no choice but go to work and leave them in charge of the telly for 8hrs.

But depending on the industry you moved into my experience of salaried positions are 'you work the hours required to do the job' which is a killer for trying to do nursery or school pick up.

Consider all options. Your kids are only little once.

Could you do a flexible working request and just go for a slightly shorter working week e.g. dropping from 40 hours to 35 hours so you get to rave an hour earlier. Or negotiating a 30minute lunch instead of an hour and using the time saved to leave earlier? Aim for just enough time to reduce stress...
When I returned to work after my first child was born I reduced to 3 days a week but spread the hours over 4 days so I could commute to London and still do nursery hours. It worked well.