DH wants me to go part time at work …

Go part time whilst your kids are little if you're able to.

It sounds like a lucky no brainer to me.

Is your pension more important than these shares precious years?

My experience of children is that they need your time and attention through out, the physical demands lessen, the sleep improves but the need to spend time with you doesn't diminish.

@Pinkflowerpower is there no room for negotiation with your employer re finishing earlier on a Friday, working later on a Tuesday to cover? Wonder if both you and dh need to work a bit smarter so that one night each you both work later and then one night you both finish earlier together.

You are about at the most exhausting bit of parenting - shame to make a financially big decision right now.

Yes, I wonder if the root of the issue is that you don't have an understanding employer/not quite the right role and that's what needs sorting.

I have 3 in nursery full time and still feel we have plenty of quality time. I don't feel rushed through life either.

It is true that everyone is going to feel differently. I also have no concerns about their nursery, it's excellent.

Wise words

@SouthLondonMum22 I don't feel like I'm missing out on their childhood at all, we still get plenty of quality time together

I worked full time when my firstborn was small and I was more like the OP, rushed through life and didn't feel there was quality time at all. I was also miserable ring away from my baby so we changed things.

OP: 2 children in full time nursery must be a hefty sum of money , and 8 am to 6 pm in nursery 5 days a week is relentless, especially for the youngest. There's a thread about a nursery nurse witnessing abusive / u mind behaviour by a colleague and many who have worked in nurseries posting that this is not uncommon. Its worth reading

So going part time and having more time at home with children while they're very young - and saving a lot of childcare costs - seems a great solution. As long as your pension is topped up and DH pulls his weight at home

Children really are little for a very short time - trite, but true

If you can afford it, go part time. Life is fast and precious. Childhood goes by in a flash, be as involved as you can be.

Why not? I've been part time since my son was born, I'm your age

Honestly their is no perfect answer.
You can only do what works for you both as a couple and family.
It may also be dependent to an extent on the wrap around care available to too.

There has been a vast reduction in spaces since 2020.
Between providers folding and staff going to work better hours in nurseries. Few people really want to work 3 hrs a day 5 days a week.

I went part time after child 1 was born, I'm still part time and my third child is almost 17. It gives the breathing space to be a family at the weekend and believe it or not teens often need you more that little ones do.
If you can afford it and you're happy about the change not impacting your career, do it, you won't regret it.

Would it be worth your while working P/T with the nursery fees? Would just taking a year or two off be an option? I raced back to work after DC1 and was adamant I would continue working FT, but after DC2 I am exhausted and taking a complete break from work.

I also didn’t love my job and won’t miss it, and of course I can look for a new job any time if it doesn’t work out.

Could he reduce hours? Save 40% on tax in anything over £50 🤷‍♀️

Do not give up your job just to make his easier !

You can’t live your whole life planning for the worst case scenario, go part time if that’s what you want, it’s a cliche, I know, but the years fly by and you may regret not spending time with your children a lot more than you will enjoy a bit extra pension.
iI worked 5 short days when my 3 children were in school, yes I did the biggest share of housework / childcare, ferried them around, had their friends over for tea and was always rushing around with very little time for myself but I wouldn’t change a thing, I’m 60 now and never did go back full time, 😀 I now work 4 full days so I’ve got a day to help out my elderly mother and I still get a weekend.

We had to collect the kids early from after school club earlier his week and my older one had an absolute meltdown. Lay down and refused to leave.

Somehow I don't buy the idea that my kids hate it!

I grew up with a SAHM and always wanted to go to after school club.

My DT’s loved breakfast and after school club - loads of activities and extra time with their friends. Lots of complaints if we collected them early.

I'm very happy with that. My life doesn't revolve around my career but it doesn't revolve around my children either, both are important and both are balanced but like I said, I'm able to be flexible but only because I'm full time. No local family either.

Dads stepping back are still in the vast minority. It is still women who are expected to give up everything they've worked for on the whole.

In my experience, it is working mothers who are made to feel guilty for wanting to work full time. Just look at the comment I responded to about why bother having children if they go to nursey full time.

I would do it without hesitation, I work part time (2 children in primary and 1 in secondary). I work 3 days a week, it means that I can do a food shop, meal prep etc attend school things like nativity plays, parent readers and help with homework.
DH salary far outweighed mine, and having us both dash around like idiots when the 2 eldest ones started primary school was a nightmare.
People asked me what I would do if DH passed away or left me, I would reply that he has very good life insurance and that if he left me I would cross that bridge when it came to it.
Life is so much nicer now for everyone, DH still pulls his weight so I’m not a drudge, which many people said I would end up as if I reduced hours. But I have the time and energy to be present, rather than living in an exhausted bubble.
Im glad I did it when mine were small, now our eldest is in secondary he doesn’t really ‘need’ me at all.
i know a few women who have chosen different career paths in their 40’s once their little ones have grown a little, because let’s face it with current retirement ages, you’ve still got plenty of years to work if you step down hours for a few years.
Edited to add I also know a few Dads that have dropped to part time hours and their OH have continued to work full time, because it made financial sense for them to do it that way.

That’s fine if you are happy with that. I would have been bloody miserable and really stressed. To me life doesn’t revolve around my career (your company really don’t care if you live or die, your children do) and I loved the extra time with the children, as did they. My sister loves her career and made different choices which made her and her children happy. It can also depend on whether you have local family who can help out - I had none nearby. We are all different and all of the children involved are happy and well adjusted.

I also know Dads who have stepped back in their careers to be the one around more for the children as their wives were the higher earners. Things are changing (albeit slowly). Women or men should not be made to feel guilty for wanting to spend those formative years with their children.

For the sake of your sanity go part time, but ensure your pension is topped up and you draw up clear expectations of who will do what housework wise and how the finances will work etc.

They are only little for so long and you’ll regret it if you spend all that time in a job you don’t even seem to like! I have a much better full time job now that my children are in secondary - it is definitely possible to go back to your career. I know it’s not a popular opinion these days, but your children will be happier as well (if you are happier). No kid ever really wants to be in breakfast and after school club at primary every single day and it isn’t what I would have wanted for my children unless it was absolutely necessary. Each to their own though.

I also don’t understand why loads of posters are comparing it to quitting your job - you’re not proposing that - an hours reduction is hardly the same thing.

Normally I would say don’t quit your job- I did, then ended up divorced, and I had a hard struggle building my career back up again.

But in your case it sounds like you’re not really enjoying your job anyway, and you could keep one foot in the door throigh working part time. Plus as an ex teacher, if the worst happened and you were stuck you could always do supply.

Have you thought about a childminder? I switched to a childminder as she was a lot more flexible and also did the after school pick up.

You are lucky to have a choice. I’d go part time in a heartbeat to enjoy these young years, to slow down in my daily life, to have some time to myself. Why worry about your pension when by the look of things stress is likely to kill you before you get to retirement age. Also, at 37, and in a role that pays a half of £70K, it’s a good time to start to reconsider your career. You could be earning the same at part time if you reconsider your skills and a change of post/job/career. Anyway, i am so happy that you’ll finally get some sort of a break. All the best to you and your family! X

Not at all, I went part time when my first child was born 10 years ago (I was 34), I did 2 days a week and it was a great balance.

They are both a school now and I have a new job where I work from home 4 days a week.

A lot of schools have wrap around care breakfast clubs and after school clubs so that’s an option as they are older.