DH wants me to go part time at work …

Yes do it, it sounds likes it’s the right thing for your family right now. You can still work part time and return full time when the children are older. Life is short and your children will only be little once. If finances allow it, being there to drop your kids off and collect them, feeling less rushed and have a bit of time to get things sorted at home is invaluable and will make for more secure children, and a happier home for all 🙏🏽🩷

I wouldn't because I would hate playing "second fiddle" to a man's career. I earned a lot less than my husband when we had our first child. I now earn a lot more than him and I wouldn't have got there if I'd gone part time for a few years.

But that's me. From what you've said you want to do this, so do it, but make sure he tops up your pension and doesn't assume all house chores are your job "because you only work part time".

And so the gender pay gap continues..

Being able to spend more time with your children is a gift. You’ll all be happier and more relaxed.

If you’re not - you can go back to FT after all, so why not try it. You probably won’t look back and will wonder how you ever did it.

I was the same, except was earning same, maybe even a bit more, as husband. We had a significant drop in income but it was worth it. My children are teens now and happily more or less independent, I’m working longer hours. I’m so happy I could spend the time with them as little ones - it never comes back!

It’s good your DH is asking anyway.

I think it would be an option worth exploring but only on your terms if you are happy to. From a tax perspective your husband is in the 40% tax bracket and you are in the 20% so incremental net earnings for him is 1.5x to yours. An idea could be for him to go to 4.5 and you could do 4 (2 half days) then you have 3 afternoons covered. From a finance standpoint, understandable that’s still not as good as him being full time but it’s not all about the money.

OP: The other part of me would love to be less stressed as my role is extremely emotional and I would love to see the children more and have some days at home

If this is how you feel, then I think you should go for part-time. You're risking burnout if you carry on trying to squeeze everything in around a FT job that's already emotionally taxing.

Part-time isn't necessarily forever. I dropped out of work completely when the DCs were babies,then went freelance, then part time, and am now nearly back up to full time. Plenty of women change careers in mid-life, too, and are happier for it.

Absolutely. Well said.

Honestly if you're financially in a situation to do this I would absolutely jump at the chance. Children grow up soo fast, give yourself a chance to enjoy this time a bit more

I wouldn't just consider the career. Most posters seem to focus on earning and career potential but there are also 2 young DC under 3 who are (by the sound of it) in nursery daily until 6. I get that it sometimes cannot be helped but you are clearly have a very high combined income and there is room for change. Doesn't really matter who makes changes but nobody seems to consider the toddlers. If you are that well off (105k combined is shed loads), what is the point of having DC if they are in nursery for such an extended amount of time when one of you (or both) could reduce your hours and give them a bit more attention. There is more to live than earning and a career, esp with such young kids.

We have switched back and forth over the past 10 years with kids, with one of us always having a more home based or part time role. Our kids are SEN and nannies and childminders, after school clubs etc do not work for them so someone needs to be at home to pick them up as we have no other help. I think you could go part time for a bitz but put a time limit on it. Don't make it the norm forever. Do you like your current career? If not then maybe say to DH that 6ou will go part yime but also wantbto study or work towards switching or improving your career too, don't leave yourself high and dry with no options.

I wouldn’t.

I value my independence, my career and my development far too much to sacrifice it. It’s not even about the money, I want to work in full time employment more than I want to be any form of SAHP.

Lots of people make it work with both parents working full time. Myself and my partner both work 40+ hour weeks with a disabled child at home.

In no way is it easy, and we do have very little time, but I still honestly wouldn’t even consider dropping hours/days, as I like having my own “thing” and identity outside of the home.

I would and did do this, despite my career being very important to me, my family is more important. The nature of my job meant I was not stepping back from development/promotion opportunities though, and I restarted full-time once DC were a bit older.

DH did earn more than me when I went parttime (he doesn't anymore) - although you need to think hard about the most suitable parttime working pattern. Shorter days at work to enable pick ups sounds great but can turn into a stressful race every day as you leave work earlier than everyone else (not great) and arrive at the nursery/school gate just in time, then still have all the afternoon/evening activities to sort out. I have changed my hours a few times and five days of school hours was the worst for me - relentless and never quite in control of work or home.
Having days off also sounds good but if you have the DC home from nursery to save money you don't have a huge amount of time for housework/admin and still have the problems of pickups etc on the days you do work.

Can you start earlier to make sure you finish in time to do pickups, so DH drops off and you pick up? He is definitely not more important than you, he needs to do his share, but you both need to be able to do that without jeopardising your jobs.

Do you see yourself doing four days or just dropping hours? I do 34, increased from 32 when the dc were very small and find it works well. I get a little bit more flexibility to collect dc from school so they are not in wraparound care from 8-6. As dh does rolling shifts he does the school run somedays so I either work longer or take some time to do some stuff around the house, or just have a cup of tea!

My days are much more manageable but my pay and pension have not suffered too much.

If you go part time, be very careful you don’t end up working just as hard as he then delegates everything to do with the house and children to you. You’ll then end up just as stressed but with a lower income.

How do you split your money? If it’s not all one pool and he’s not prepared to top up your pension then don’t do it,

personally I’d prefer to pay for more childcare or cleaning and keep my role
unless I was sure all money was equal and you didn’t have to shoulder everything at home

I think two full time parents is absolutely to be avoided if possible. Life is about more than just maximising your earnings. Your children will be happier if they don't spend their lives rushing about.

BUT I would seriously consider you both reducing hours. If he is on 70k he is in the 40% tax bracket, so it does make sense for him to reduce hours too. Maybe if you worked three days and he worked four. Or even four and a half. He absolutely should be considering a flexible working request himself, not only is it tax efficient but it is also more likely to promote equality at home. He should also pay into your pension.

You sound like you have an enjoyable, rewarding career.

His complaint is that he is inconvenienced by having children, but he also says he would like to see them more during the week? Not sure how he'd see them more if he would like you to be the sole carer of the children during the week?

In your shoes I would get a childminder/babysitter to look after the children a few times a week (it sounds like that's all you really need?)

I'd be wary of a man basically cornering you into becoming financially dependent on him and doing the lion share of unpaid childcare/housework. It may be dressed up as logical because of the gender pay gap and your maternity leaves etc but it just reinforces the status quo. Which is that many women lose out on developing their careers & getting decent pensions once they have children.

You're in such a good position right now, but the wrong decision now could have huge repercussions on your future independence & quality of life and importantly the ability to leave a marriage if it all goes wrong.

From a financial perspective your DH is paying a higher marginal rate of tax. His income is also reducing your child benefit. If you go part time and he pays into a pension for you, you won't get the extra tax benefits as if he pays extra into his own pension. However as you're married you have rights to a share of his pension if you divorce (and should get share if it on death but look into that). So a tricky one to weigh up but assuming you stayed married you would be better off him putting more money into his pension. Alternatively if he went part time the impact on your overall income might not be as much as you think (have you calculated it?) due to not paying 40% income tax and getting full child benefit.

I did this. It was much better than being full time and everyone struggling. I ended up taking redundancy afterwards with a payout so that was sort of good timing. DH paid into a pension for me, still does now. I put part of the lump sum into a private pension aswell and whilst I was off and kid at nursery I renovated a flat which gives us a rental income now. Now I’m retraining in a new career that I’m excited about for the future. I think it can be a good idea to take a step back if you need to with some other elements in place to give you some security. Agree
pension is important!

I would jump at the chance while the kids are so young. I wouldn’t want mine in nursery for the entire day if I had the chance to be with them.

I’d be wary of dropping part time too significantly for reasons others have mentioned . Sounds like you both need to flex as much as possible to have long days and shorter days where you can accommodate pick ups.
Could you do 4 long days ? A school time contract would really limit you in terms of career progression and being seen as a serious professional . Have you got a cleaner? You need one . Make sure you get get kids into wrap around school care quickly / find a good childminder etc.
The toughest year for school holidays is when they are 4 - too young for the holiday clubs, too old for nursery. You might need parental leave that year for 6 weeks to cover the school holidays and then bother use annual leave to manage the rest of the holidays .

The thing a lot of people miss in these discussions is that we often, better paid work can be more flexible than lower paid roles. It depends on the job.

You need to think hard about what you can both do to protect your income, pensions and future careers.

Throwing away your own potential to remove an inconvenience for him isn't a smart move.

Think about changing jobs if your current ones are inflexible. But don't go part time and become semi dependent on him, you are signing up to be a skivvy and the inferior partner in the relationship. Because why shouldn't he also take a hit? Has he even asked his work for flexibility?

So many women sacrafice their careers because of a flawed assumption that their whole lives matter less than temporary inconvenience to a man.

Yes indeed - if the DH has topped out in his career, but the OP could still get another big promotion, it makes a difference - or vice versa.

And definitely agree that there's a lot of difference between part time roles. I am technically part time - like you, 30hrs a week - but given that I earn 90k, definitely not financially dependent! And DH also works 30 hrs a week anyway

Just do it! Why are you even questioning it? I went part time when my child was young. When he was older I went back full time and just make additional contributions to my pension. It’s much harder once they start school to work full time and find wrap round care!

Who does the drop offs?

@Taigabread A 6pm pickup should not result in him having to leave 'early' he probably just doesn't want to be the one doing pick ups and dealing with child wrangling

This isn’t a given to be fair, some office roles are until 6pm.