DH wants me to go part time at work …

My thoughts exactly. All these calculations here about tax etc and what sort of arrangement would be financially better and why. Nobody is considering the two young DC. It's all about career progression and £££. Quite sad!

As long as it works for both of you right now, then why not? It doesn't have to be forever.

Echo what others have said though. Increase your pension contributions so you're putting the same amount away as before.

And make sure your DH understands he will need to meet extra costs, not just because of your decreased salary but because you're also increasing pension payments.

The other thing I wanted to say is - if you do decide to go part time, make sure you're both on the same page as to what it means

Especially if you're not very part time - say 4 days a week - if you're looking after two under 5s that day, it is unlikely to solve the housework issues, to be honest, your house may end up more not less messy from having the kids in it all day

Similarly - it won't mean your DH never has to do any pick ups again as you'll still be working some days.

Which isn't to say it isn't worthwhile - we both did 4 days a week when both were in nursery and we really enjoyed our days with the kids.

But if he has in mind that it will solve everything and he won't have to compromise at work at all, it won't end well

We are in your position OP but my DH is part time. But we both still do pick ups, I do mid week when eldest goes to after school club and DH does the shorter days.
How flexible is your work? You can go part time to 4 days but request flexible work pattern?

I would also say the biggest part is also prep! We use the slow cooker/batch cooking or quick 15 min meals a lot!
Cleaning....robot vacuum cleaners, I often clean the bathroom when the kids are in the bath then finish the bath when they are out etc.

I think being part time with small children is beneficial and will give you time to enjoy them. It depends on how your part time hours work. I found once they were at school I was the one doing all the running around plus working most days so wasn’t so great for me. But it did allow time to attend school assemblies etc I wouldn’t have wanted to be full time.

This thread makes me a little bit sad...

Why have kids if you can't enjoy spending life with them and supporting them in their early years?

Everyone is talking about money on this thread but there is little mention of the importance of parents spending time with their kids? (and I am not saying this is the woman's responsibility, that applies to both parents).

It sounds to me that you would have an easier life working part-time while your kids as small. Your husband could also look at improving its work/life balance and support you more.

I wonder whether all these people who put their work as the ultimate priority all the time won't regret later not enjoying more time with their kids. Life is short and should not be just about material things.

Don't. You'll end up doing full-time work on part-time pay both at home and at work.

He can do the nursery/school drop offs then...

Whilst it does make life easier, I personally would not do it, for reasons others have already outlined - the biggest one being, god forbid you split or he passes away unexpectedly, you're left with a reduced pension and part-time pay.

When looking at school places, look for a school that has a good before and after school club at an affordable price. Ours is £23 per day (run by a private company)!! Whereas the next school down where my friend's daughter attends is £7 a day (run by school staff). This has meant that she's been able to retain her fulltime hours. There are also no childminders who service our school, but another friend's school has a childminder who does after school hours for £6 a day.

Yes, there's the running around after work still, but you soon get into a routine. Before reducing workloads, I'd look at flexible working requests where one of you could start early, and be home for pick-ups, and the other start later to do school drop-offs. If possible, alternate it on different days so each of you has the opportunity to finish late if needed.

Being the main source of income doesn't mean "more important". It just means being the main source of income. I dislike seeing these conflated.

I think you should. Most importantly for your child. They get to see more of you, a less stressed, more patient version of you. That’s priceless.

You can always work for yourself or go back to full time in the future.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

From the DC's perspective it's nice to have a parent pick you up from school rather than always after school clubs to allow family time, friends to play and more hobbies. If you can afford it i would always prioritise family life.

Have you considerered a nanny? It might be cheaper than nursery of you have two kids at home and they could cook dinner and keep the kids bedrooms tidy and do the kids washing.

And at someone earning 70K DH may well be in the sort of role that sometimes requires him to work late at short notice - which he can never do if he has to leave at a certain time to make the nursery pick up and will impact on his role (as OP has noted).

There is something inherently stressful about knowing you have to leave at x time every day. When my DC got old enough not to need picking up from after school club it was suddenly much easier. Even if 90% of the time I was still leaving at exactly the same time if felt much more relaxed.

In an ideal world, I'd suggest both partners should share nursery pickups. (and similarly drop offs). Is this something that could happen?

On loads of other threads on here people are all like 'you'd be mad to have a baby without getting married! Protect yourself and future finances in case you have to take a break for childcare or work part time'. The OP is married- that's her security. If he dies, I'm sure he's insured (right OP?!) and if they split he'll pay maintenance and she can go back full time. Right now they're in a happy marriage and need more time/less stress. She's the lower earning so her working less won't hit as hard. I'd be grabbing it with both hands OP - either 3 full days a week or 4 shorter days.

automatically suggesting it’s him that doesn’t have to change their role but you do wouldn’t sit well with me

automatically suggesting that the higher earner doesn't change their role and suddenly start earning a lot less is pretty sensible... it doesn't matter if it's the husband or wife.

This. I came here to say how about buying in help, if it is available. Someone to pick up the children and get them home?

It sounds like your job is a 'taking' job in terms of energy and emotional reserves and that you'd be happier part-time.

Your kids are only young for a short time so I'd go part-time and enjoy this time with them and do a bit less rushing around. Other people won't like me saying this but 8-6 in nursery five days a week is a lot of time in childcare for young children. Some people HAVE to do it and for those families it's the best compromise to make sure there's enough money to live on. But if you don't have to...

BUT make sure you protect yourself in this. I suspect your job would be an easy one to increase your hours again if you want to, if not I'd rethink. Agree with pp that your DH should agree to top up your pension. And lay down ground rules early doors. Looking after two under fives is full on; he will still need to do most of what he is doing housework/laundry/cooking. Make sure he's not envisaging a return to the 1950s!

Exactly this. I went part time when my children were small. I never agayworked full time although I did do a masters degree and did fairly well at work in the end BUT it did mean everything really landed on me shopping cooking housework then caring for elderly parents etc etc . Also I did loads of unpaid work which I think a lot of part time workers end up doing especially if it's a fairly senior role.
Having said all that I'm still glad because I had a lot of time with the children especially in the school holidays and when they were teenagers .
Also I've been v lucky with our health and my husband did v well in his career and has always shared finances equally.
There's pros and cons to everything

Deep down I think DH is right .I wouldn’t be sad to work part time

As long as you are still working, you are not ruining your career. It does like the sensible option.

Children grow up fast, you never get these years back. You also need to be realistic about school!

It's not just the wraparound care, it's all the time off! Nurseries are open all year round apart from Christmas (usually), schools are what feel like on permanent holidays/ inset days/ election day (schools used as a polling station obviously close).. the list is endless, and add all the nativity/ sports day/ reward day.

Of course you can miss most of these, but childcare is a nightmare when they start school. Preschool is expensive but easy!

I think it’s a great idea. In my circle, everyone went from full time to part time after having children.

In my experience reducing your hours a bit in your current job/career can be a good thing.
But working school hours only or leaving your career to try to find a unicorn “mum job” is absolutely a bad idea.

I and many friends dropped to 0.8fte when our children were preschool to mid primary age. Most are able to go back up to ft as the children get older, but that’s because they stayed in the same job - glass handcuffs.

It makes sense in your situation. With children at that age it's a good idea to make your lives easier where possible.

I went part-time at 37 and never went back to full-time! And I was the higher earner! I loved the work-life balance. After having kids my priorities totally changed. Imagine you’re 58 like me looking back on those years. I treasure the time I had with the kids and never for one second wish I’d worked more.