DH wants me to go part time at work …

I think you have to make sure your job can be done in part time hours, and that your husband knows he will still have to do housework etc so it doesn’t all fall to you. As others have said most primary schools do a breakfast club and after school club as well as holiday clubs.

I went part time when my children were small. I'd say that that was the happiest and most relaxed time of my life. I felt like I had the perfect balance, and was in control of my life.

I was fortunate to be able to go back to full time with ease once I was ready, and it didn't affect my career progression at all.

Obviously without knowing you and your husband jobs, none of us can tell you what's best, but if you're in a secure role where there are always likely to be full time vacancies later, it does sound as though this is what you want to do.

You may need to look at pension issues, but to be honest, my few part time years didn't impact my pension anywhere near as much as I expected. But again, that's a very individual thing, so make your own checks.

It sounds like the issue is the specific job you have not letting you do 6pm pick up and being stressful in general, and also possibly the pay. Maybe you just need to find a better job.

I'm 38, 3 kids and work part time. For me working full time with 3 kids in childcare was never going to be an option I was happy with. We do not have family to rely on for childcare so we must work around each other.

The key thing for me is that my dh has always been willing and able to adjust his hours,applied for flexible working so that I could work too. He then compressed his hours so we didn't need childcare after having our 3rd child. He recognises that working is not just about earning a wage and accruing a pension but that I very much enjoy helping people through my job and this contributes positively to my wellbeing.

My being at home more does not mean that he absolves himself of chores and he steps into his role as dad and dh as soon as he walks though the door or turns his laptop off, as do I after I come home from work. This is very much key to it working well for us as we are both committed to being on the same team. I'm not saying this to be boastful but illustrate without him thinking and behaving this way I would not have agreed to 3 kids, let alone part time working. You have to very much be on the same page and he shouldn't expect that just because you will be working less hours that 50:50 once he gets home should change. You know your dh better than I do but I would advise caution if you think he is likely to pull 'rank' by saying he does more hours than you so can't do x, y or z.

I agree with this, it’s what we do. DH works FT and earns less than me, I went PT by choice when I had DC. I also do a bit of SE work around DH/ DC. In the years leading up to having kids, I built my career to a comfortable level, ran a side business, put extra into my pension (which I still maintain now), had a lodger and paid a third of our mortgage at the time off. We both work in the public sector, my manager is incredible in that they are not backfilling my post as yet so happy for me to extend hours as and when it suits me. DH has an informal agreement with work to trial condensed hours until September which if it works will become permanent. Looking to up from 2.5x to 3.5x days from September when DC turns 3.

could I go back FT, out earn my husband and retire younger/ be more financially independent? Yes. Would I? Not unless I had no other choice because of the burden of rushing around/ paying out for things I do in the household in my “downtime”.

I love being part time. It works for us. Two children both still in primary. When they are more independent at secondary I can go back full time. However all money goes in a shared pot. If this wasn’t the case, I’m not sure it would work.

Exactly

I did it but I did notice a big difference in my pension because I worked part time for 10 years. I would do it on the condition that you can top up your pension to the state it's in now.

I would only do it if he picked up the short fall in your pension contributions

Go part time, you're lucky to have a supportive partner considering how awful many are portrayed on here. Family life has to come first

obviously it's possible if you manage to be on MN at 9am

However, it's not about the "pay bracket", but the actual role...

I understand those saying continue full time, and that could work if you employed a nanny maybe? But otherwise, he has said it is affecting his work, can you afford for him to lose his job? Would he find a similar paid role with a poor reference? Could you drop a day and he compress his hours? The logical thing seems to be you working part time and him contributing to your pension. You can go back full time once the DC are older.

This.

As long as you are working NI credits shouldn't be a problem. I have full NI credits despite working part-time and having a few years break also as we where entitled to child benefit.

realistically, either they both take a step back, or one of them has to. Financially it's not as easy as "men need to compromise" when they are already expected to finance maternity leave - someone has to, nothing wrong with maternity leave.

You need a really high salary to keep up with your old child free life, after all that's what nannies are for but they don't come cheap.

Now if you decide to both stick with busy jobs and never see your own children, that's a personal choice.

This is what insurance polices are for, we have one out for both of us. If something happened to DH I'd be fine even in my low paying part-time job.

You have to look at your finances and come to a mutual decision. If your partners then things can be put in place. The only thing I would struggle with is if I wanted to leave but it still would be OK, not brilliant but I also have a long term health condition which limits my ability to work also.

There is nothing wrong with going part time to give more time to your children. They benefit from it to, I've seen lots of kids of two working parents and they often struggle unless there is a lot of extended family input. Your kids do need your time.

Whilst it sounds like your working arrangements are challenging for you, I would consider a flexible working request for both of you before dropping your hours down.

Before you do it, you need to agree:

• How will you be compensated for lost pension income?
• How will you be compensated for lost NI contributions - you can buy credits, will DH pay for these?

No, don't do it. Stay full time.
In a few years you won't be paying nursery fees and you will have the option to be promoted. Why I'd always women the ones jeopardising their future so men can have thier lives made easier? You will be glad you stayed full time in the long term.
Tell him to do what we all do and arrange some flexibility. I'm your husbands pay bracket. It is possible.

A 6pm pickup should not result in him having to leave 'early' he probably just doesn't want to be the one doing pick ups and dealing with child wrangling

You don't work do you!

Being at the nursery at 6pm IS early enough, but making your way there absolutely means leaving work early for many workers, high salary or not.

Some posters really have a sheltered life and no idea of the real world.

I am a huge fan of part-time working and am part-time myself, but there is a huge danger here that if you are part-time and he stays full-time, that you will end up doing 100% of the child-related work. He will opt out of all pick-ups, never take a day off work when they are sick, leave you to cover all the holidays etc. I wouldn't go part-time unless you have reassurance from him that he will continue to pull his weight and not leave everything to you.

I know lots of couples where the woman was part-time and she was never able to get the man to reengage with the domestic load, even when the kids were older and she wanted to go full-time again. Don't let this happen to you.

I was in a similar position and went part time. I now work 26 hours over 3 days.

It’s been great for us. I manage to sort out housework/admin/shopping etc on the days I’m not at work, meaning weekends are less stressful. I’m there for DC after school or nursery as well as being able to go to school activities, plays and all that type of thing. It’s also easier when they are sick which is very often at the moment.

I pay less into a pension yes but for the sake of maybe 5 years I’m not worried about it. We’ve had to cut back on some things but being there for the children was more important to me than fancy holidays. It wasn’t about my husbands job being more important either but at the end of the day it makes no sense for the higher earner to drop hours.

But he currently can't because OP says she can't do the pick ups.

So, in exact contrast to all the people insisting that DH's job is being treated as more important, DH is currently the one leaving in time to pick up his children even if this impacts his role, whereas OP's role can't be impacted by her doing this.

As others have said, him dropping down won't reduce your household income by as much as you dropping down given that he's paying 40% tax and you aren't. If you could both go to 80% time that would be ideal. You'd also get more child benefit as he will be paying some back in HICBC at that wage.
And I second choosing a school based on wrap around provision. This was our main priority when picking a school, and ours is open from 7:45, and after school club finishes at 5:45. But I didn't look into the cost, stupidly assuming everywhere would be similar and actually ours costs loads - but there's another school up the road where the cost is half what we pay. We are really lucky we only need to use the provision once or twice a week otherwise it would be costing us an extra £420 a month compared to at the other school.

This thread is a great example of why things won't ever change completely for women. Unless men start to push back and ask employers to be more family friendly it won't change. The fact is that men don't want to. I firmly believe that many don't want the 'hassle' of having to do pick ups and then being at home and being expected to do (womens) housework/cooking. After all there is always something much more important going on at work with their big jobs. The majority of men don't even think about a compromise in hours etc, it's always the woman that goes part time as it's 'easier' and because surprise surprise they earn less! Or it's let's get a cleaner, another woman, and this will be organised and managed by the wife.

Then someone pops up on this thread and says 'no don't pay into your pension OP, pay into his as he is a higher rates payer'! Nevermind that you'll never have control of that money and if he leaves you you're stuffed!

Don't go part time OP, work something else out, stand your ground, get him to compromise too.

Urgh, where's his compromise? All loss of earnings and additional grunt work on you while his career charges ahead. Bloody selfish men.

Tell him he can go part time. You already took maternity leaves