Inheritance issue

The OP's issue is not with that - it is with skipping HER.

More or less told it was nothing to do with me

I would have countered with ‘that’s fine, as I’m leaving my 50% to my daughter, and I’m not really up for discussing that either’. Then sit there with crickets🤣.

Oh that post from the woman who wanted to stop her DSD from staying at her childhood home which was paid off because DSD’s mother passed away kicked me into action ensuring my DD gets the house if I pass… the post and story made my blood boil

Make it to do with you. Divorce him now and take half. Misogynistic shit.

My ex partner has done a lot of nasty shit but even he would never dream of treating his daughter differently in an inheritance. It would be the final straw for me. He isn’t leaving you his half as he clearly doesn’t trust you, he might think that you could remarry etc. But the least he could do is leave it to your DC equally. I’d be absolutely raging for my DD and would wonder what kind of man I had married.

Make a will ASAP to ensure your daughter benefits in case something happens to you.

Otherwise she will be left high and dry.

This 100%.

Your daughter is " just a resource" and maybe you are to to your husband. He exploited you for tax purposes but not wanting you to have have views or opinions. I have seen this situation so many times. Farm will be put first over family. I hope your daughter is being paid for all her work or having university fees or given a car or house or some form of wealth. You need to open out the situation to your daughter to get her on side. Backlash from husband will be he will make statements in jokes or seriousness that minimise her work input or states that you or her are the problem causing conflict. Speak to your own solicitor as you have 50% leverage here in this business

Nothing to do with you? I don't think I could stay with a man who chose to disinherit his own daughter like that. Not to mention leaving his own wife to possibly be forced to sell her home because he willed some of it to others (even the children - you don't know that they'll leave you to age in place in it. They would probably have the right to force a sale if they became part owners via inheritance).

He chooses how he writes his will but you choose what you think of him after that.

I mean… your husband is a total cunt. I would never, ever be able to stay with a man who did this to his child, so the rest is pretty irrelevant.

Or social services take it all

You can have it put in a trust for them. I agree it’s the only way to guarantee they get it.

This doesn’t pertain to the daughter issue, but I’m am going to change my will with my husband to ensure that if one of us dies half the money and assets go straight to the children. I’ve read too many stories of the surviving partner remarrying and running off with the cash, or the kids standing by helplessly as the surviving parent sends it all to a Nigerian prince

I’d be selling my half of the farm right now.

It was such a good programme. I remember the family with one disabled child, where the parents wanted to be fair to all their children but also knew the disabled child needed more help. Just having the conversation was a massive relief because, in fact, they all agreed.

Inheritances where there are businesses are always hard, and farms are some of the hardest, because they include the home, and because the business itself is often precarious. Transparency and forward planning are key, but if one person won’t even have a rational conversation about it, the whole next generation is stuffed.

First and most urgently, he needs to have a discussion with his father who can take steps to avoid the new tax if he is willing.

Second, if your farm is half yours and he plans to leave his half to his sons, you can simply leave your half to your daughter. But honestly, he needs to grow up and stop being such an utterly awful male chauvinist pig in every way.

It’s not unusual for half an estate to go to the children. There are many financial benefits to this as long as you retain your lifetime interest etc.
What’s shocking is your daughter being left out altogether.

If he won’t move on this is there any way you could even out the inheritance on your death
DH leaves his half of the estate to ds1= 25% and ds2 = 25% …of the total estate (50/50split)
OP leaves her half of the estate to dd = 33.3%and ds1= 8.3% and ds2 = 8.3% of the total estate (66/16/16) approx
They all then end up with an equal split of the total estate

Just explain to your sons why you’ve done this OP

your dh is being really unreasonable…..

The farming one is the one I remember so clearly from this series - 4 brothers and 1 sister. The sons didn't want her to inherit any part of the farm and were also wanting a share of a property the mother owned, which had been intended just for the daughter. The sons were absolutely obnoxious to their sister about it - totally shocking. I think they sort of resolved it but that one meeting must have fucked up the family dynamic for a long, long time

This would be a deal breaker to the relationship if I was put in this position.

I would tell him you are going to leave your half to a charity.
At least you know where you stand. Start putting money aside and buy a flat so you have somewhere to live. Or just divorce him.

Legally he is wrong, the holding is 50% in your name. If he died he could leave the whole thing to anyone as he does not own it all.

And how he treats your daughter is your business. You’d leave him if he hits her- emotionally he is, when she learns.

no they are not. They certainly won’t be when she realises she doesn’t count as a real person to him because she doesn’t have a penis.

I actually couldn’t accept him leaving me our daughter out of his will. I’d be angry about how he’s treating me, but incandescent about how he’s treating her and I’d tell him, as well as point out you’ll have to sell up anyway if we divorce over this.

A farm is usually passed on to one member of the family as otherwise its not a viable option and would need to be sold thus meaning it goes out of the family. This is a huge blow to a farmer and is also the reason for opposition to the new tax laws. Of course that person can be a daughter if she is the one making farming her occupation.
In my family my dB worked tirelessly with my dad from an early age as he was very keen on farming. We knew from an early age he would inherit the farm. The rest of us got good college education paid for by our dps . They also paid for our weddings and we were all happy with that as we could all support ourselves. Some people might find that unfair but l had no interest in taking over a farm or working as hard as my brother. My dm had a lifetime interest in the farmhouse and my dB was responsible for supporting her from the farm for her lifetime. Luckily he was diligent in that but it could become precarious if he was mean/ abusive. There is also the issue of your sons partners being involved etc. My dm had worked on the farm all her life but after my dad's death retired from that.
You may need to consult a solicitor yourself about your future to make sure it is safe financially if your dh dies first. A solicitor who deals with farms is the best option as there are specific issues involved. And it is important all your dc have a solid future planned for them too
A lot of thought is needed here but there are solutions that other farmers have found helpful.

This is terrible and your dh needs to hear loudly and clearly you don't leave your daughter out of a will. What is this, the 1800's?!

I suspect he's left you out so that the farm isn't split between the three of them.

If it was me unless he changed I'd either leave my daughter the whole of my 50% (especially if the sons inherit from grandparents too) or at least 1/2 of my part with the boys receiving 25% each.

What a vile way to think on his part.