Inheritance issue

Good point about triggering IHT less by 'skipping' generations, more important for farms now with the new, ineptly-designed tax regime.

PPs have said divorce and take half his eventual inheritance from his dad, but you can easily structure an inheritance outside the marital assets (all you need is a separate bank account) so this won't work. OP needs specialist professional advice, maybe sourced through the NFU?

Not only are you not being unreasonable for feeling annoyed, I would be beyond furious and broken hearted to learn that my DH was a sexist prick. He perhaps thinks that you would be fine because you own half the property, but to leave nothing to his daughter is unacceptable.

This requires a very serious conversation. If he didn’t see his error and change his attitude, I would leave a man like this. You own half of the farm (which presumably includes your house if it’s on the same land) so take out your half and tell him to go fuck himself. Don’t stay and let your daughter and sons grow up thinking this is ok.

I can understand the desire to keep the land in blood family, and so leaving it to your children, not you. If your husband died and you remarried, and then died in intestate, the land could end up going to your new spouse and leaving your husband's family completely. I know that farmers feel a blood tie to their land, I get that.

He can write his will to ensure you have a lifetime interest.

Leaving your daughter out is unforgivable though. What is his thought process?

That is appalling. Why does he want to disinherit your daughter? And leave you nothing? Would he change his mind if one/both sons come out as gay/trans. He really needs to have a long hard look at himself.
Time to sit him down and have a serious chat about raising kids in an environment with such a strong undercurrent of misogyny. Remind him you can choose to walk and sell.

He can leave his 50% to your sons but let him know that you'll be leaving your 50% entirely to your daughter if he does, so she will end up having double their share. Or he can agree to treat the 3 of them equally and so will you

It's not unusual outside farming to leave property to the youngest generation as this effectively halves the number of times IHT will be triggered across a 100 year period. However It's normal for this to be tied in with a "beneficial interest" to the relevant surviving older generation family members (generally the parent of the inheritors) which means the children are the legal owners but they can't turf out their parent or make independent decisions about the property. If your DH isn't doing that then he's an arsehole.

OP this is terrible you can’t let him do this to you and your daughter. If I’m honest though ime this is something quite common in farming families. I’d have a talk and say this is a hard boundary for you and not flexible. I know people say LTB a lot on here but this is really horrible of him and has long term repercussions.

👏 👏 👏 👏

You know this doesn’t surprise me at all- I’m not from a farming family but live in a rural farming area and see this and similar a lot.
TBH I’d be very worried if my daughter fell in love with a farmer, it’s 2025 but it can still be quite sexist!
I’d say leave your daughter your half at least but better yet wait till he inherits then divorce the twat and take him to the cleaners

Leave your 50% to your daughter

It usually isn’t one fucked up meeting. It is a lifetime of having your contributions to the family constantly invalidated due to your sex. It is knowing as a child that you are expected to leave and fade off as soon as you finish high school because you are in the way.

OP I know someone who was a farmer and he died unexpectedly young while his children were very young. His father still owned the farm and all his life insurance and assets went to his three children. This left his wife with no money or income to buy a place to live and get children all cashed up. One of whom was a baby. I am shocked that an accountant would witness this conversation and not advise against it.

Your husband is a pig.

I think it's disgusting that he's leaving his assets to his sons, but not his daughter! What will his daughter inherit? I think you should sell your half of the farm to someone else and then divorce this misogynistic nasty man. Show your children that your soon to be ex isn't a role model.

Well the only way to do what's properly right is divorce him and divide up the monies

I'm not sure you want your daughter around a mysoginist for the rest of her childhood, this attitude will be seeping out of every interaction - a girl is not good enough, farmings not for her etc

The other alternative is to leave your entire portion to your daughter

I'd wait until his dad dies and then divorce him, a cynical and purposeful move to secure your daughter's future. I'd have no qualms about doing this.

I agree with other posters that you should absolutely leave your half of the farm to your DD. It must have come as a horrible shock that your DH is such a misogynist. How could he think that's a fair distribution of assets? It would change the way I thought about him.

Does he realise that he can't bequeath 100% of a jointly owned asset?

This ^

However DHs fathers land will go directly to DH so THAT will be additional inheritance for your sons

Seems so unfair to me

Definitely see a solicitor, OP

He is leaving half to his son's. That would be 25% of a farm each. I'm guessing you will leave all of your share of the farm to your daughter so she will get 50% of the farm. I would be smirking a lot if I was you. He's a twat. Go and see your own solicitor.

Good idea.

Get your will drawn up and ensure you are tenants in common, not joint tenants, of the farm. If you're currently joint tenants you can fill out a form to change over, and you don't need his signature. You can then leave your half of the farm in trust to whomever you want (your DD if you please). He will also only be able to leave his 50% to his precious sons if he dies first.

@MountainMomma26 in your position I would see another solicitor on my own and find out the answers to your very reasonable questions.

I’d also be outraged at your dd being passed over completely, and your H’s attitude towards you. But that part seems outside the scope of your question.

You say your daughter. Is your husband her father?

Has he got other plans for her? Eg my dh will inherit everything that’s farm related. His sister has already been bought a house and will have a cash lump sum on death.

I'm wondering @MountainMomma26 if your husband is under the assumption that you will blindly hand over your 50% to him at some point in the future?

I ask as you mention that you own 50% as it was cheaper to do it that way. If that is the expectation, then you must 100% not do that. Does your 50% of the farm give you the ability to make it fair between your children?

I think this is grounds for a divorce if he does not change his tune very quickly. He will soon find out that it is very much to do with you.

I genuinely think I’d do this. Take your half and let him do what the fuck he wants with his half. I couldn’t stand by and be a part of this. What a twat.

I come fron a farming baclground and this does not surprise me one bit. Farming families are often obsessive about the farms and family members (especially incomers) are exploited and good sense abandonned in pursuit of the goal.

"Luckily" my family are tenant farmers so the only question for me and my brother is if we wanted to inherit my dad's tenancy. We didn't!

Farming can also still be misogynistic. In the very late 1990s extended family and friends of my dad's expressed surprise he was supporting me to go to university as "what was the point?"

I’d be divorcing him and taking 50% of the farm now.

I would also tell your daughter that her father plans to disinherit her so she can build an independent career.

Misogyny is deep in some (most) areas of farming.

This little prick has jumped the gun though hasn’t he? You own half. Has he forgotten that?

I really like the suggestion that you leave you half to your daughter, that way she’ll out-own your sons.

Is there any chance he thinks she's not his?