Inheritance issue

They do share the kids though so will want to ensure that they have an inheritance left. It's not a zero-sum game. If they both take proper legal advice and use trusts the survivor will be able to carry on with the farm and living in the house after the death of the first to die. It applies just as much to him as the OP as she owns half herself. Also a spouse has more rights re inheritance (if this went to court) than kids and a properly drafted Will would take this into account so the OP will be fine.

OP...Professional legal advice rather than the court of mumsnet is what I'd suggest!

You need to both see an experienced solicitor as there are loads of ways to structure this and lots of potential pitfalls for iht.

On the flip side to most of the comments, I've known farming families where everything is divided equally. The business is too small to support 3 families and everything ends up being sold. No more farm for anyone!

However, it's too early to know who will take an interest in running the farm - it could be well be your daughter.

YANBU OP. Coming from someone who is the daughter in this situation and who also has a DH who's farm is all about his family and doesn't seem to think his wife and kids matter. It's hard! What do you intend to do with what you will inherit now? I would say to your DH, so should I leave everything of mine to DD or what will she get?

I would be checking that I did actually still own 50%, and he hasn't sneakily signed it all back to himself.
I wouldn't be trying to change his mind - he could tell you he had amended his Will to split everything equally between the 3 kids, and then get you to do the same, and then he could alter his Will again to favour just your sons.
There are positive and negatives to leaving you out of the Will, but leaving your daughter out, and telling you it was nothing to do with you, would be a deal breaker for me - you need to get some legal advice about your position within the farm.

The APR will have to be forfeited if the DH will not protect OP's interest in the property and treat his daughter fairly. OP should be prepared to use that leverage, as her husband does not have her best interests in mind.

You could leave your half to her.

This is so sad to read, I am a farmers daughter and I have a sister, no brothers. I’m in my 30’s and now work on the farm full time with my dad. He doesn’t care whether he had sons or daughters, I think he’s just happy one of us wants to carry on the farm. At your children’s age it really is too young to tell, we are now in 2025 and there’s so many more women in agriculture. Would it not be better to split it 3 ways at the moment, then in 10/15 years time (hoping you will still be here) you will have more of an idea who is interested in the farm and can rewrite the will accordingly. To completely dismiss your daughter is completely unacceptable, she may be the one who wants to farm, and the boys may not have interest. On the whole this industry is very accepting of women and I do believe in the last 20 years it has made huge strides, but it is still a male dominated industry and I do very occasionally do experience misogyny. People like your husband are holding the industry back.

The house will need to go with the land to get APR so it will depend how things are divided up.

I know what mean in principal. However, unlike a divorce, 1 spouse can have all assets in their own name and, on death, the other spouse can be left with nothing to show for their decades of contribution.

I also have a sneaking suspicion, reading between the lines, the the DH sees the house as 100% his and there may have been an 'agreement' that OP will hand over her interest in the property (as he was unable to buy it on his own).

Actually, I’ve re read your post and you say you have 3 kids together under 11.

im a farmer and we have it set up to go into a trust to pay for their needs and education till 25 then if no one wants to farm it’ll be sold and proceeds divided equally. They are teenagers now and one is showing a clear instinct to farm over the other. We will consider changing the will to reflect that once the school years are over. The other child will be left cash or property. It won’t be as valuable as the farm but they also won’t have the debt or stress!!

If you are in the UK he might be doing it for tax reasons. The new IHT rules means that, to get both £1million APR allowances you need to give away a share of a farm on first death to your kids. The reason you need to do that is that APR isnot transferrable between you. You both need to think about that as it would apply to you too. You could use a trust to ensure that the assets are protected and not sold from under you (and if your kids are under 18. It also gives time to decide which child gets the farm so you avoid proliferation of owners). Take legal advice although you may need to again once the tax rules become clear. Unfortunately the budget has probably meant the end of the traditional "family farm" as to prevent this faffing about each generation of getting APR allowances, the farms should probably be in trust. Alternatively you both give the farm to your kids in due course (whichever one wants to farm) in your lifetimes and live for 7 years. Often a farm goes to one child and a life insurance policy to another. There's actually a special one for farms.

It is rubbish.

I fully believe parents should leave things to their kids over partner. At the end of the day its just true fact that you could decide to remarry etc... and then lose it all losing his lifes legacy for his kids in the process.

I would be royally pissed at DD being left out though, as the child of a sexist who grew up 'not being good enough due to lacking a penis' thats a level of sexist ick I could not get over.

@MountainMomma26 Farming = special case. Get advice from someone who specialises in land, inheritance and trusts. Not from an accountant. And talk through what you want for each child.

(My farming father left a sum of cash to each daughter, the farm to the eldest son who took on the farm and a field apiece to the others to acknowledge their input as boys. The cash was welcome, though now long spent - neither my sister nor I wished to farm, and we had been put in the way of supporting ourselves; ownership of the fields continues to be an unremunerative nuisance.)

This.
I would definitely be looking for a lifetimes interest and leaving your 50% to your daughter. If he won’t agree the life times interest, then I’d wait until he inherits and then divorce him.

Maybe its miscommunication. Have you spoken about this.

Maybe he is thinking he will leave his 50% and land to the boys and you will leave your 50% to your daughter - you said she is his right hand. She would get a larger share in the farm but none of the additional land which your FIL is leaving him.

She’s under 11, so I doubt she’s really his right hand man! Just she’s probably at the moment more interested in the farm which may well change as she gets older. He’s only leaving his share to his sons, so the OP can do as she likes with her share. Im
not sure I’d leave her the whole 50% but work it so the children all end up with an equal share.

You say that the farm is owned 50/50. Check with the Land Registry to see if it is owned as joint tenants or as tenants in common.

Joint property ownership: Overview - GOV.UK

I’m not sure this is quite correct, especially re: capital gains tax on land. I think most people leave it to their spouse, who will inherit tax free. The land gets valued at that stage, so when passed on again the increased value is for a shorter time period and therefore lowers the overall tax bill. I fully accept I may be wrong, but I believe that is the usual approach.

I work adjacent to the farming community and this thinking is surprisingly common. As a rule no farmer wants to split the land as subdivision is not an effective use of land. Therefore they prefer to leave to one child, which traditionally (but not always) is the son.

This is considered normal where I’m from and daughters rarely complain. The really old fashioned view is that the daughters have to marry ‘well’ to secure their future. Quite often the daughters will be given some other separate asset to try to equalize up, but this rarely comes close to the value,

Most farmers golden rule - never split/sell the land. This is financially true, but it leads to the inevitable favoring of one child over others.

A farm of land that is split at every generation between all children will not be a viable farm for long.

What is unusual in the OP’s scenario is that she is a 50% owner.

Yes, that was my friend’s family in the show. Her mother has a rental property which her daughter will inherit in place of her share of the farm. The son’s all work the farm, and she has her own career so was the best solution. However with the new inheritance tax on farms I think she will ultimately have the best deal in it all.

I think farms need to be thought of differently. It needs to be left to whichever family member is taking over running the farm. Under 11 feels a bit young to be deciding who is going to run it in the future. If the farm is just seen as value to distributed the government are absolutely right to tax it for inheritance.

Actually it's a good point from pp to check how the ownership is registered. Simply because the DH said he'd leave his to the sons I've assumed tenants in common not joint tenants. If joint, then OP will inherit it anyway. If not then OP has her half as leverage.

He has no interest in your or your daughter’s long term security. Time to take action. Divorce now or wait until after he inherits. Write your own will to ensure daughter gets your 50%.

He is sexist and dismissive of your views. He thinks if his daughter as less of a person than his sons.

this can’t have been a secret - men like this show their sexism in all aspects of their lives.

If you left him now would he have to sell the farm? Imagine that - a woman having influence over his life opportunities😊.

careful he doesn’t impose his world view on your sons - and your daughter.

What a horrible man. Either divorce or leave all of your 50% to DD.