Inheritance issue

I’d empty the joint account personally- sure you might have to give some back legally, I wouldn’t spend it, but I’d take it all now to communicate with him in the only language he speaks- I’m your wife and partner not the indentured slave you think I am.

That is, I’d do that after I’ve checked the deeds and changed the tenancy if needed so I can leave it separately in my will.

Male farmers do seem to marry 'the help' (as in your money & time & free labour are what they want from marriage) and expect an heir & a spare to be produced. The spare often gets shafted, even if they are the better prospect for the farm (see golden child/scapegoat). Women are even further down the list, but it's rare from them to be completely cut out as you and your DD seem to have been.
I have a horrible feeling he's changed the ownership so you longer are a partner.
If he has then hopefully you can divorce him to get some return on your investment and contribution.

You must be terribly hurt and shocked.
I hope you find a way to keep/get security for your retirement, I'd be furious at how disposable he seems to view you. As dreadful as it is for your DD at least she is now forewarned that she is not considered part of the family and will hopefully be able to plan her education and career so she can't miss what she didn't have. I definitely would be steering her to financial independence.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm only catching up now as I've had a busy day with sick kids. You've given some great advice and given me plentry to think about. I'm off to check the land registry just to make sure I still own 50% and to see if we're joint tenants!

Throughout our marriage I've worked full time, ran and paid for house and kids and most of everything else. He has took a fit every time he noticed any money out of the joint account. I returned to work when my children were 14 weeks old rather than taking a year so he wouldn't be under pressure - what a fool I was!

I dont know if you are from a farming background but Farmers seem obsessed about inheritance and children remaining in the industry

Its very shades of the 3rd Reich.

You dont get the same obsession in any other industry

The issue of course is that farms are just not able to make enough money to cover the cost of buying the land

My "specialist solicitors" almost completely messed it up, subsequently we use an accountants who specialise in agricultural property to do everything, accountants that deal with estate planning can also deal with trust matters and they deal with IHT more than solicitors do, most solicitors just hire in accountants to do the IHT calculations at a hefty mark up. You are best off using a good accountant and a good solicitor rather than relying on one to do everything, two sets of eyes are better than one.

Agree with this.

Well that's one way. Another is that the farm is held in trust with various members of the family being beneficiaries and receiving a share of the profits and others also being paid an income to work the land.

A specialist solicitor is better than an accountant on this as they deal with iht every day and are used to the complexities of setting up trusts, agricultural relief etc. You need a decent sized firm that has farming clients.

Thank goodness you have 50% but yes your DH is an absolute misogynistic knob and you need to give his head a wobble. Preferably with a blunt instrument

Honestly, there is absolutely no way I could continue to be in a relationship with a man who thought his sons were more valuable than his daughter. I'd be off to see a solicitor and initiating divorce.

What a disgusting man.

Not sure how he can leave something you own to someone of his choosing

You may not know it yet but he may be expecting you to transfer ownership to someone else a few years down the line

Farmers are funny when it comes to inheritance there’s always disputes and it is mega hard for the wife married to farmers sons as there always seems to be something preventing her getting her share of things especially in the event of a divorce!!!

watch out!

Get legal advice of your own.

One partner on Joint beneficial Tenants can sever the agreement to Tennants in common without the others consent by putting a restriction on the registry, that is normally done by any competent solicitor drawing up such a will.

Are you tenants in common or joint tenants @MountainMomma26 - that affects how property can be disposed of. As others have said, I’d normally expect you each to give a life interest to the other before it passes to kids. But if you are tenants in common you can leave your half to whomever you like. You need to ask the awkward questions and get this sorted.

He would be better leaving it to your sons in a will trust with you holding a life interest, the IHT nil rate bands from him would not be used and pass to you and be added to yours when the time comes.

The inheritance would be protected for your sons but you would also have the protection for your life.

You really need to do the wills with an inheritance tax specialist accountants advise, not just a solicitor or regular accountant - agricultural land, especially now needs careful consideration.

Half of house can't go to kids if you are joint tenants (as are most married people)

If you own half the house he can't leave your half to anybody only you can. However if you are joint tenants, then both your halves go to spouse (that's the law). If you are tenants in common, he can do what he want with his 50% as can you. If he leaves his 50% to the boys. You leave 75% of your share to daughter and 12.5% to each son ... so you balance the books and they all have the same.

Honestly you know someone who sent a load of money to a Nigerian Prince? I'm intrigued? You need to start a whole new thread on this

Indeed

Joint tenants or tenants in common?
If JT the survivor will get it.
If TIC he can leave his half to the boys and you can leave your half to your girl. Easy peasy.

I can understand him wanting to pass it to children, but you get .ore inheritance allowance if it passes to spouse. If it passes to children you should have a lifetime interest so you can live there until you die.

You need professional advice and you do need wills - urgently!

Unfortunately the Budget has meant that (if available and appropriate) £1milion has to be given away on first death and not to the other owner (so not the OP). Trusts are the solution as the share is then protected and out of the survivor's IHT estate. The trouble with the new APR rules is that as the reliefs aren't transferable between spouses (unlike a Nil Rate Band) they do have to be used on first death. The OP/DH should not be in a situation where they individually own 100% of the farm if they need APR.

Unfortunately in farming, this type of situation is very common. I know so many farmers daughters who inherited nothing while the sons got the farms. However, before we jump to the conclusion that all the men are misogynistic pricks it’s good to understand the reasons. You can’t easily split a farm up. If you want the family farm to continue then splitting between your children pretty much means they all have to sell / awful family drama, so sometimes the best option is to leave it all to the eldest (or the son for more ‘traditional’ farmers). From an inheritance perspective, while the children are young it would make more sense to leave the other half of the farm to you (on the assumption you would continue farming). When the children are older and if you establish which child would be most suitable to take on the farm then gift it to them (consider 7 year IHT law). For the other kids I would gift them a share of the elderly fathers land to try and make up for the disparity.