Inheritance issue

Are you new to farming?

It's pretty common to leave the farm to (traditionally) the son who wants to take it on and the girl is given another property to inherit (from grandmother etc).

Leave your share of the farm to your daughter OP. Your husband is in the wrong here

The boys will through their dad also get half each of the grandparents property that the op says is coming to her dh. With a dad like that honestly she’s probably screwed if she doesn’t own half, if they are anything like him the boys would decide what they want to do and steamroll a minority owner who’s just a woman. I’d leave her 50%, maybe if my husband/ ex husband decided his daughter was a real person after all we could revisit.

How is that fair? It’s not the sons fault the father is a douche!
so by your suggestion if the farm is worth a million pounds, the sons will get £250,000 each and the daughter £500,000 to herself!
Bery unfair on the boys!

So he is leaving his 50% between your sons… so you need to write a thorough Will explaining that because your husbands intention is to leave quarter of the farm to both boys and exclude the daughter, your will, will be equalising that…. You have 50% in your name so you write that 50% of your share is ear marked for your daughter giving her a quarter of the farm…. Then the remaining 50% of your share (25% total value of farm) is divided into thirds and each child then receives a third each…. So your children will then each get a quarter,
plus a third of a quarter …. Tell yourDH that thanks for effectively making you homeless on his death and that you will be writing the same into your will and excluding him and not making provisions for his old age 😂

Depends on the value of the farm. There might be an immediate tax bill. Better both of them get legal advice together rather than do anything suggested on here.

In your situation, I would immediately placed my 50% of the farm share into my daughter’s name and my will, and then I would seriously think about staying married to this guy

What seems particularly odd/concerning is that he is not explaining anything about his actions to his wife. If they need to make “first death” decisions, those need to include her because if she dies first the husband (if they’re still married then) will be impacted by her leaving her share to her daughter (or all three children if she does that).

Have a look at the government guidance on new APR rules. On the government website. APR is a relief on an asset, not a personal NRB. It is not transferable (which is stated on the website). So theoretically a married couple could leave (under) £3million (Rachel forgot about the tapering of the RNRB which you lose completely if the gross estate of a married couple is £2,700,000) but they would each have to own at least £1million of "APR asset" each and give their own allowance away on first death.

It is the death of the family farm. Trusts or giving farms away during lifetime will be the solution. Which opens up another can of worms...

Anyway that's why I think the OP's husband is doing what he's doing (apart from leaving the daughter out).

That’s strange as the £1m being passed to a spouse if unused is part of the government’s calculation that there would be a total relief if £3m if the first spouse to die didn’t use their tax allowance.
I work in farm accounts but always happy to be corrected.

If its50% yours leave your half to your dd or 50% to your dd and 25% each to your boys.

Really weird that a) he wouldn’t want to pass everything to you which you’re entitled to, need, and will save all tax issues. b) he thinks his children’s futures should be determined by their sex — about which they can do nothing — and not their being his children or their individual skills or needs.

I can’t imagine how he can tell you your home and finances are not your business!! What kind of partnership is that?

I would be most annoyed about my daughter being left out

If it helps to hear why I have left everything to my DC (with life interest in property for my DP who owns 50% of the house) it is because of a cousin whose DM inherited everything from DF, remarried and the new partner actively caused conflict and estrangement and inherited everything. Cousins DF would have been so so sad about that. However much I can think my DP wouldn't do that to my DC I think anyone at a vulnerable time could be preyed upon by someone unscrupulous and I want to be 100% certain my DC will have what I have saved for them

So he was happy to use a woman to buy the farm when it suited him, but now he just wants to pass it on to males. And the farm is half yours which is even worse!!!!

Tell him he's not on, it's half yours.

I don't think that leaving your daughter 50% of the farm is the solution, because it won't benefit her and it will tie her to a family who don't think she's worth anything. The only way she could benefit from it would be to sell it. She might have to fight every year to see the books and receive any income.

What a twat how can he leave you vulnerable like that what if a money grabbing partner comes along and pushes them into selling their share you need to tell your twat h that is not happening it’s yours until you pass then dc get a third each what chance do women have when ever there own fathers a sexist selfish pig. It makes me so sad that men treat women like this.

Yep, this!

And I say this as the granddaughter, niece, and daughter-in-law of farmers.
My ILs in particular are stuck in the 1800s in terms of equality! Luckily my DH escaped and went into a completely different profession.

This is not correct. Unfortunately the APR of £1million per person is not transferable between spouses (unlike the Nil Rate Band and Residential Nil Rate Band).

It will be a little more fiddly as one of them will need to leave part of the farm to their kids on first death to be able to use x2 APR allowances.

Under the new inheritance tax rules the levels at which you will pay tax will be much more beneficial if your husband and yourself leave their 50% share to each other and then pass it on to the children. Obviously depending on the value of the farm. If one of you doesn’t use up all your tax entitlements they can then pass onto the remaining spouse.

I wouldn't do this because it will give him warning which will allow him to "outplay" you. Keep your cards close to your chest and create your safeguards for yourself and your daughter in secret.

I honestly think you need to sit down calmly together with a solicitor as things might not be as bad as you think. Don't do some of the mad things suggested on here! Often things are done for legal and tax reasons and all parties can be protected and benefit without killing the golden goose. You just need to know the reasoning and facts before you react (in whatever way you see fit). I know I'd want to know the score before I blew things up.

And it sounds like you have the evidence that it’s all your money in there anyway. You empty it, say I realised we aren’t a team and I’m paying for us all but get zero respect. You haven’t even allowed for me to live in our home if you died and say it’s none of my business. You can start contributing to our costs, Mr none of your business. I’d like to see you putting money into the joint account not just calling my money yours and yelling at me if I dare spend anything. How dare you.

Leaving you homeless is none of your business.
You need to divorce him before he dies.
This would kill any love I had for him- especially the misogyny and awful treatment of my daughter

Whoa, your last comment makes it even worse. How on earth? Some farmers just cannot comprehend that their business is unsustainable.

best of luck op

He sounds even worse than I imagined. Your salary from your full time job is keeping the family afloat, yet he is policing the joint account and getting angry if you spend anything?

I would speak to a solicitor to see what you would be entitled to in a divorce. He seems to think that what's his is his and what's yours is also his. Every thread on here from women who are married to farmers and who are experiencing issues with their husbands and/or in-laws reveals a culture that is toxic for women and female children.