Blusher drama

Genuine remark and I’m entirely free to make it. Fighting over a £20 blusher shouldn’t even be a thing at 11 years old!

Well you're not sorry because this comment is totally unnecessary & irrelevant to the situation at hand. She's hardly taken her daughter to buy hard drugs. It's a bit of blusher.

OP, I think given how upset your daughter is about her things being ruined I would offer to either replace it & I would absolutely not give the old one to the 9YO who really is old enough to know you don't touch other people's things. Or I would offer part replacement i.e. £10 towards a new one. But ultimately your 9YO has touched something that doesn't belong to her & needs to apologise sincerely to her sister.

I’ve been the older sister in this scenario. DD2 probably purposely waited to her older sister was in the shower to touch it as she knew she didn’t have permission. That’s not kind behaviour, it’s sneaky. If you let her away with it now, she will continue to do this as your girls get older and get more makeup and the fights will only get worse as they enter teenage years. It used to drive me insane when my younger sister invaded my privacy at times where she specifically knew I wouldn’t be able to stop her. It started with makeup, then clothing and ended up with her even stealing my underwear. She ended up lying about it too, because when she owned up there were never really consequences, so why would she tell the truth and look bad? However, what caused me much more resentment was my mum excusing her behaviour and expecting me to just accept it as she was younger. If I had messed up or used my mum’s new make up without permission, I would have been in so much trouble. Yet I was expected not to fuss when it happened me, just because she was younger. No consequences made my sister callous and she can be very cutting. It still stings that my mum allowed it all these years later. I ended up leaving home as soon as I could and part of the reason was to finally get privacy. The way you describe your 2 children would be exactly how my mum had described us. It hurts when you aren’t the favourite.
You should take the £20 from DD2’s pocket money and give it to DD1 to either replace or buy something else special for her. You can’t just give her the money to replace it yourself, DD1 needs to be punished for it. DD1 might be acting dramatic in your eyes, but her privacy has been violated and a special possession has been tarnished. If you don’t address this now, I promise you she will remember it when she’s older and resent you. DD2 needs a firm telling off about boundaries and money taken off her every time this happens again

The blusher will still work. It’s not like she has snapped the top off or something! I’m sorry but I would tell my eldest to get a grip and there are worse things to worry about. Yes it’s annoying. Yes it upset her. But then move on. It can be a life lesson in learning what’s important.
How will she react if something bad actually happened in life? Learning resilience is important. That’s quite worrying it was distracting her at school.
She can still use it! The 9 year old needs to say sorry. And no I wouldn’t be replacing a £20 blusher for an 11 year old!

She didn’t steal it but she did use it without permission which was wrong, and a lesson she needs to learn. You also need to understand what she did was wrong and unfair. Her big sister’s reaction is over the top, but she’s not in the wrong here.

Replace the item with a new one, or ask DD11 if there’s another item for the same amount she would like, so she can keep the blusher and have a nice new thing.

For those who think “it’s only makeup” - they’re kids. It’s the same as if she bought a lovely new notebook and her sister scribbled in the first page, or she bought herself a book and sister read it first. It’s hers, she bought it with her own money, she wants to keep it nice.

You could have just said:
dd11 bought something she loved with her own money. It has value to her beyond it's primary use.

Dd9 took it without asking or without permission and put some marks in it. The item isn't technically spoilt but the specialness to dd11 is ruined.

Because that's the essence of it. Regardless of if being a blusher that you and dd9 don't use. Regardless of dd9 being kind to her bossy sister.

Regardless of dd11 being in the shower when dd9 took the item?? Like that's somehow mitigating.

Of course you should replace it for dd11 and there should be a consequence for dd9.

Sorry not sure what to advise you do now but DD2 absolutely should not have used it. That would annoy me now let alone then. DD2 should not be rewarded by being given the blusher if it is discarded. Unless she is made to pay for a new one for DD1 in which case she could keep the used one.

Well said and thought out 👍

You have my sympathy trying to sort this out, but I can see why she is upset. It was something new she really liked and was looking forward to getting , saved up for and basically the glow has been taken from it, and ruined the whole thing. I can be a bit like this and I'm an adult ( we'll try to be!). Good luck

Just the fact that the OP's title refers to it being a 'drama' shows where her sympathies lie.

It seems like you favour your youngest.

I think you need to replace it.

To add, make up is a very personal thing re:hygiene.

I am scrupulous about keeping mine clean and using with clean hands etc.

I know which blush you mean and I would not want to use it after someone else got their sticky mitts on it or put it in their face.

To me it's akin to someone stealing my toothbrush.

I noticed this too. It's quite sad really. I wonder if OP's view would have been the same if DD1 had damaged something DD2 had saved for and bought with her own money.

I think your younger DD should pay for a replacement.

It's an important life lesson for both of them.

Younger DD needs to know taking/using other people's things is not acceptable and she won't be let off the hook even if the damage is minimal.

Better learn that now over a £20 blusher than a far more expensive item.

In terms of your elder DD she needs to learn that she is right to have boundaries and is entitled to have her items respected within the family home (and will be asked to reciprocate).

Your younger child was in the wrong and at an age to know better and understand that sorry doesn't cut it when you've damaged property you've stolen (albeit briefly). If you let her get away with it then you are favouring her over your eldest.

If you don't address this now and dismiss your elder DD as being petty then the ramifications are potentially more serious than you realise in how both children perceive themselves, each other and their relationship with you.

Off-topic, but make sure she’s not using any skincare with retinol in it on such young skin.

Also, in terms of it taking her “5 years” to use up, it’s a good idea to teach her now that all skincare and make up should be discarded after 12 months, whether it’s used up or not, as bacteria builds up in it over time.

Perfect solution

@AmberGemstone Has it right.

OP your post makes it clear who the favorite is

Although it may seem irrational the item was a cherished possession and is now tarnished (in her eyes) she's not learned like we all have through experience that high end make up is beautiful and pristine and that's the lure and draws us in but soon gets messed up through use, she will learn that but right now she can't accept it as his sister did it. I would offer to buy her another product as a like for like replacing does seem like a waste but ultimately her sister shouldn't have done it and she deserves a little justice. I would try and balance this with some learning of tolerance of imperfections but one of her first fancy make up things used by her sister is a had one.

DD9 should be punished. Possibly birthday money spent to replace the blusher.

She is absolutely old enough not to use her sisters things and the way you speak about them and reluctance to punish DD9 will breed resentment.

DD11 paid for this out of her own money. Yes, she is a child but it is her property. It is VERY important for children and teens to feel like they have ownership over their small world.
Yes, she could still use it... But the shine has been taken off of it. The specialness has been tainted by her sister.

Maybe I am bitter because I am an older sister and my younger sister did shit like that all the time, but it really sucked and we are now NC because her entitled attitude carried on through adulthood.

No judgement?
Its very hard not to be sad when you read about 11 and 9 year olds squabbling over make up!
What on earth happened to childhood?

The no 11 year old needs blusher comments are a mislead, it's irrelevant and op said no judgement. You won't talk a teenager out of wearing make up, which is a couple of years away tops. It's just blusher.

Op you need to replace it. And you need to ensure she feels that her things are safe and have not been tampered with. I grew up with siblings, and my things would be used and treated carelessly constantly, because my mother didn't see any value in them or didn't really have energy to do anything about it. It caused me so much stress that it has led to me having a lifetime of OCD. I actually don't allow my siblings or any children of friends or family in my home, even now as a woman approaching 40, because I despise my nice things being messed with. I grew up very poor and I knew if my things got damaged they would not be replaced. This has never left me, even though I'm now very very wealthy. I save things, I ration things, I buy duplicates of highly expensive items. Allowing my things to be damaged took away any control I had and I fought incredibly hard to take it back in any way possible. I also suffer extreme anorexia, I also left home at 18. Allowing people, especially children and young adults, to not have control over anything, even their own things, can do enormous amounts of damage.

Replace it, it’s been spoiled. She doesn’t want a smoothed out repaired version of what she paid for with her own money. DD2 sounds indulged I’m afraid.

Sorry but I’m going to say it…. You say it’s her money but someone had to take her to buy it surely? No 11 year old needs blusher, let alone £20 one!

Your child your rules fair enough but ridiculously expensive make up at 11? It’s a no from me.

Use a new dish cloth to wipe and smooth the top in front of DD1 and return to DD1. Ask DD2 to buy DD1 a small token, e.g. chocolate bar, from pocket money for trying it without having permission. Tell DD2 in front of DD1 that if she does anything similar she'll have to replace it next time.