Blusher drama

I never said anything about being disappointed in OP or her daughter:
I made a comment near the beginning of the thread about it being sad that children don't seem to have long to actually behave as children. My second post was only in reply to the poster who asked what issue I had with children and makeup.
Do you always go through threads reprimanding posters who, in your opinion, haven't " contributed" anything to the thread?

There are going to be more and more dramas about things that are important to your girls but you think are silly. You need to overlook that point because you’re going to end up looking like the bad guy when you don’t fake some sympathy.

Are you a younger sister by any chance ? Dd2 waited until her sister went in the shower to use it rather than ask dd1 directly which is pretty sneaky. I ask about your birth order because your post is very biased to dd2 who screwed up.

Time to impose a no touching other people’s stuff rule now so that your girls don’t assume that you’ll always replace stuff when they fight.

Does dd2 have pocket money ? I’d be fining her a fraction of the cost and suggesting dd1 cuts a smooth surface with a knife or something. Promise her that you have her back and dd2 will be in much bigger trouble if there’s a next time.

If your dd had used a friend's make up without asking and "ruined" it, you'd replace it no question. Makes no difference that it's her sister.

When I was about 8 I got a glass bottle of roll on cosmetic glitter - what can I say it was the 80s! - it was beautiful, it was Boots No 7 and my Mum had found it in the sale, as a family we didn't have much money. It wasn't about "wearing make up" I just wanted this beautiful glass bottle of glitter. I didn't want any other presents, just that. On the second day of having it my younger sister was fiddling with it and dropped it under the dining room table, it hit the curved table leg and smashed open, ruined. I cried and cried and my Mum said she'd replace it but she never did. I still feel the injustice! 😉 Not massively obviously but I was sad for ages over it so I totally get where your dd is coming from.

I completely agree with you.

I wonder if DD11 is hormonal because fuck me she's a drama llama. I just couldn't take her histrionics seriously

It isn’t really comparable this way. Imagine saving up for a new car, finally getting it and then someone taking it for a ride without permission and scratching it. Agreed you wouldn’t buy a whole new one but you would expect them to face the consequence of driving it without your permission and to repair it to a position where the damage is not visible even though the scratch does not impede use of the car at all

I think it was ponds and clearsil when I started getting hormonally spotty but that stripped a layer of skin off 😂

Me too. My Mum used to get me Amway, which wasn't cheap in England at the time.

I used to get told that I was treating my children differently and that I was telling off my older child and not his brother. But that's because his brother never did anything wrong! He was actually really scared of doing anything wrong and terrified of being told off. It's not about favouritism but it would have been madness to treat them exactly the same.

I do think it's madness for a child to think that spending £20 on a blusher is normal. I'm 52 and have been wearing a full face of make up for over 35 years and I've never spent more than £10 on a blusher.

I'd try and repair it just as it would be a total waste if there is so much product left. Would dd11 compromise if you bought her something skin care related to compensate?

This. Articulated in a way I couldn't.

I used to be DD1. My little sister loved borrowing my things etc and I used to be SO precious about my things. My mum never really paid attention to it. To be honest, I've never grown out of it. I still am very precious about my things and don't like sharing.. however as an adult, I force myself to be different as I do have to just get over things if they get ruined. I would tell DD11 this would have happened eventually if she used the blusher a bit more, that it isn't ruined and it is fine to continue using. It feels harsh but I think replacing the entire thing is unnecessary. And DD9 is only a kiddo, I think you're right not to punish her.

Hairdryer and smooth it?

It's not about the amount of damage to the blusher, it's about the fact that she spent her own money on something she absolutely loved and cherished, and her little sister messed with it and made it less special and apparently you're not backing her up when it comes to respecting other people's things.

To you, it's just a blusher. To her, it's more than that. She's 11.

When I was 11 or 12 someone bought me a really lovely hardcover notebook with beautiful paper. I loved it and couldn't wait to use it. I had various plans for it. I was a kid who was obsessed with stationery and this was proper, grown-up, expensive stationery. Anyway - my sister (who was a bloody adult, I might add) was on the phone and needed to write something down so she grabbed my notebook and scribbled it down on the first page. I went absolutely mental and my sister told me I was being stupid and my mum said 'just tear out the page, you'll never know it was even there' which was probably true but I was incandescent with rage because my Nice Thing that was just for me was fucked about with by someone who couldn't bring themselves to respect my property or appreciate that it was important to me. I never felt the same about the notebook again.

This is the same situation and if your 9-year-old doesn't have the pocket money to replace the blusher, I would buy your 11-year-old a new one.

I'm clearly in a minority of 1 here but I wouldn't replace it, nor pay for it, nor make DD2 pay for it.

Has your older daughter never broken anything in your home? Dropped a cup or plate? Damaged younger sister's toys? Was she made to pay for it?

Younger sister used something that belongs to older sister. She shouldn't have. She should apologise and learn from this, there should be a conversation about respect and boundaries. That would be the end of it for me.

I would not be encouraging DD1's hysteria reaction - crying and unable to concentrate at school is a ridiculous overreaction that I would nip in the bud. I would instead teach her about resilience and perspective.

I also would not encourage replacing a "high value" item that is still completely usable just because it has small marks that don't impede its use at all. If you accidentally scratch your car do you go out and buy a new one? What about if you spill something on your sofa? What an absolute waste of product and money.

I have this blusher. I’m sorry but it’d be very very difficult to ruin it. I think your dd1 is overreacting. My daughter borrows mine all the time, isn’t half as careful as I am with it, but you can’t even tell it’s been used.

The product will not need replacing and I think your DD is being precious and I personally wouldn't pander to it.

Definitely come down on dd9 for using it and remind her of boundaries

This really would depend on how the behaviour of the eldest child is 99% of the time. If she is an amazing kid who does incredibly well at school and is kind and thoughtful and pretty much never puts a foot wrong, I think I’d replace it. If she veers towards diva like behaviour and just expects everything her way or the highway then I’d tell her to suck it up and stop being ridiculous.

I was using cleansing lotion on my face at 11 and had a make up set I'm mid 50s its not a new thing, just maybe a bit pricier. You didn't actually add much to the thread just how disappointed you were in the Op and her "looks obsessed" daughter.

This is slightly off topic but after my 11 year old insisted on buying a Milk blusher with her own money for around £20 when it was running down I bought her what looked the same from Elf for £5 to try and get her into more reasonably priced stuff! In case useful for you, these ones…

I don’t wear blusher or have expensive make up so was slightly horrified by her Milk purchase, but it was her money and takes up less room than squishmallow number 236 would have do there are some positives!

Also you don't want your 9 year old to be the eternal baby of the family because by the time she's a teen then adult she could turn a total nightmare.

@Peachhearts
I'm sorry but an 11 year girl who is already following skin care regimes and spending £20 on a blusher has already bought into the obsession with appearance that is so prevalent in society. And it sounds like at 9 her younger sister is already going down the same route.
Why are girl children being taught that society only values them for what they look like, not who they are as a person?

As others have said, your eldest is behaving this way because she does not feel like she is heard or understood by you. Her treasured and longed for item has been tainted and you are understanding towards her sister who touched it when she knew she shouldn't be touching it whilst reprimanding her for overreacting. Of course she feels the injustice!

Personally, I would make sure DD2 has a consequence for touching it when she knew she shouldn't have and apologise to DD1 for saying she overreacted. Offer to try fix it with suggestions on here and if she is still not happy, it can be replaced. If she is happy with it once you have fixed it, DD2 her something else that is small to make up for it otherwise she needs to replace it

I still have minor resentment to my parents for not making my sister replace my items she damaged. Again, unintentional but my reasoning is that if it was a friend, neighbour or other relatives items she had damaged she would have had to reimburse them or replace so why not me? It sends the message that if it’s my things it doesn’t matter.

I also read this as the younger daughter is the favoured child.

Do you think it's possible that the extreme reaction isn't just about the blusher being ruined, but also about her sister ruining her shit and there being no repercussions?