Blusher drama

I loved buying make up as a pre teen hundreds of years ago in the 80s, I also enjoyed playing with my dolls house so it didn't spoil my childhood.

I do think it's a shame that pre teens/teens are influenced to buy the expensive stuff when there are so many great cheap brands available these days, but that's by the by.

I would say to DD11 that you will either buy her a new one, or she can have £10 towards her next make up purchase and make that her decision. That way you are acknowledging how important it is to her, but also getting her to have a sense of perspective about how much damage was actually done to the product.

I don't know how much pocket money DD8 gets, but I would take it off her for one week to contribute towards the cost of DD11 replacement or funds.

As some people have said, it's not really about the blusher and DD11 needs to know her possessions and clothing are safe and her own.

I can assure you that some extremely bad things did happen to me as a child, but they're not relevant to this thread and none of your fucking business, thanks.

But her a new one and you keep the other one Op! Win, a nice new- ish blusher for you! @EndlessTreadmill

I am glad you decided to buy your older daughter the blusher, it should have been an immediate reaction, and I hope you will nip your favouritism in the bud before it gets any worse.

YANBU, as others say, she can blend it and its her choice if she no longer chooses to use the still usable make-up, it will be no more of a waste than buying a replacement

Right. She got straight in there to make sure everyone knew she thinks there's no point in punishing the child who did the wrong thing. Mind made up, game set and match.

And because her mum cares so little about it, she's not even punished the younger sister. That would have me raging!

The younger sister may be a good girl and kind to her sister but waiting until the older sister was out of the room shows she knows she shouldn't have used the blusher. Why not just ask "can I try it?". I wouldn't take the money from the younger sister's pocket money but she does need to understand that this was an unkind act, a learning curve.

And replace the blusher.

I'd replace it. I have children the same age as yours, and then younger toddlers. If the toddlers unfortunately break my older children's things, id replace it especially since it sounds like she really treasures this particular item.

I showed this thread to my teen dd, she reads MN quite often - especially TV threads but never posts thankfully, she’s a kind, gentle girl and I’d hate her to be on the end of some of the snark on here! I asked her what she thought and she said she’d have been gutted that someone had used her precious thing, she’d saved up for, and been really angry and upset and it would never have felt the same after. It’s a perfectly normal way to feel.

I asked her what she thought I would have done and she said straight away “you’d have replaced it for me” and I think that’s what you should do OP and not listen to a load of MNetters backing you up in labelling your daughter ridiculous and spoilt. Maybe she is difficult sometimes but she’s right about this.

The blusher cost twenty of our British pounds. But to DD it was special, and that specialness is priceless. The saving up bit by bit and the anticipation of owning it.

DD2 knew she shouldn't have touched it. So she waited until DD1 wasn't there to stop her. That slyness just adds to to the using it.

Any chance (based on some of OP's posts) that the 'OTT' reaction is a combination of all the above, plus hormones, plus...this not being the first time DD2 has damaged (however slightly) something of DD1's but there are no consequences for DD2 because 'there's no point'?

What they are likely upset about is a perceived favouritism throughout childhood. The OP called one of her children a good little girl and the other, who is the aggrieved party, hysterical and bossy.

I daresay that speaks to many of us.

By the way I was assaulted by a man when I was 20 who choked me unconscious then headbutted me to the floor. I have also experienced other violent assaults, some of a sexual nature, and lived in a violent environment for my formative years.

But I do still remember the times my mother clearly favoured my brothers over me. I don't dwell on it, or feel particularly upset about it anymore, but it affected my parenting dramatically as I was absolutely determined that my children would always receive fair and equal treatment.

Just because other posters feel a bit triggered by the OP favouring one child over another doesn't mean they haven't experienced greater traumas too.

I’m not talking about the fond remembering of blue and green eyeshadows. I’m talking about the posters claiming their family relationships are still affected by a sibling breaking their favourite crayons as a child.

People reminisce about things that were precious to them in childhood, because it's related to the thread, and get sneered at and told this means they've obviously never had anything really bad happen to them . Strange conclusion to draw.

I'm feeling quite sorry for the elder DD. 11 is a horrible age anyway, hormones everywhere, no idea why you're feeling grumpy or teary, you just are. She's bought something she coveted with money she's saved and it's been used without her permission. Her reaction isn't just about the blusher. It's how unjust everything is when you're 11.

At risk of sounding like a lentil-weaving earth mother, I find empathy goes a long way. Things like "I can see how upsetting this is for you. You'd bought something special and whilst it still can be used, it no longer feels special".
And involve her in the problem solving "We can't undo what's happened. Do you have any ideas on what would improve things for you?" There might be something else - an object or an experience - that would replicate the "special" that's now gone with the blusher.

Offering to replace the blusher is misunderstanding the issue.

I have it too, it was a gift and it is lovely

She bought it with her own money and could obviously tell it had been touched even if to you the difference is tiny - to her - it is not. I would replace it, and take the money from the younger ones pocket money over time. It is not fair on the older daughter - I would be pissed off if someone used without asking a blusher that cost me £20 quid now - when £20 quid is lot less to me than to an 11 year old who used her own money.
The 9 year old might usually be a good kid but she made a mistake and the consequence is she pays for a replacement.

I like the way the OP said, "no judgement please" and plenty have disregarded it and given their tuppence worth anyway.
You WILL have the benefit of my disapproval.

30 years ago there wasn't the relentless pressure of social media which even young children are exposed to these days.

I remember enjoying makeup at that age almost 30 years ago, I still had a childhood 😂

Thank you and sorry for slightly derailing the thread with gift idea questions :)

Sorry, responding to @VotingForYourself

Yes, they do! There are also ant houses..an aunt offered one to my son..😬

It's also on you to replace it because you failed to instill respect of boundaries and honesty in the 9 year old so you get punished by buying it again and the 9 year old should apologise and pay you back for it somehow (pocket money?) But the 11 year old should have it replaced asap with a big apology.

It's funny how different people read in to things. I read DD1 claiming not to be able to concentrate in maths as exactly the way my sister acted - completely over the top and ridiculous so my parents gave in to whatever daft demands she had.

I'd personally punish DD2 because she was completely wrong and I don't think it's okay to touch someone else's stuff without permission. But I'd also encourage DD1 to realise that it isn't good to get so attached to items that you end up literally hysterical if they get damaged, fix it if you can and buy her a different treat to console her about the inconvenience.