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Original poster

Will we lose our home ? Should I lose a husband

189 replies

Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 20:10

Hi everyone 👋
I'll try and keep this short , we bought our first house 3 years ago , since then , me and my husband had a separation of 9 months , things had been bad tbh and I never would have bought a home with him but we found ourselves in need of somewhere new to live and had the means to buy a home , anyway , we decided to work through our issues and things have been going well since Christmas... Today I found letters he has hidden from me from land and property and turns out he has never paid the rates , like ever 🥺, we agreed that he would be responsible for them and he's told me numerous times they were paid for , we now owe 1000s and we honestly don't have the money., he's ignored the last letter that would have given him the option to pay off in installments, he's been working overtime every weekend for 5 months and I also buy all food , all school meals , all kids clothes ect I worked out he should have few hundred left at the end of the month after the bills he pays NOT Inc overtime ,and now he tells me NOW he tells me he couldn't afford it 😡 have I a right to be livid , and what will happen to the home now ? Is this unforgivable to you ?

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:13

Call them first thing in the morning, they're usually fairly helpful. Explain everything, and get a payment plan sorted.

Then you need to get to the bottom of where his money's been going, is he a big drinker? Smoker? Any drugs? Gambler? He's been spending it on something.

Can you afford the mortgage and bills on your own? Cause I'd be turfing him out after this.

IcyHare · 28/01/2025 21:13

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ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:10

ScrubbedCauliflower · 28/01/2025 20:58

Rates are the equivalent of Council Tax in the U.K. I believe

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You mean GB, NI is in the UK.

FeathersMcgraww · 28/01/2025 21:09

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Absolutely. However my reply was saying that there’s every chance this expense wasn’t coming from the joint account given her husband said it was something he would solely cover.

Have just seen that OP has since now replied confirming they don’t have joint accounts. So it was up to him to flag it, and he didn’t.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:09

Jk987 · 28/01/2025 21:06

What do you mean by rates? Council Tax?

It's explained already in the post. Rates are the rates payable on properties in NI, similar to what people in England pay by way of Council Tax.

WhenTheyComeForYou · 28/01/2025 21:09

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Stop jumping on posters!

OP of course this isn’t your fault. This is 100% a breach of trust and, when combined with other issues in the relationship, I would agree this likely marks the end of the relationship. He’s not being honest with you, and if nothing else, relationships need honesty and trust.

Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:08

Can someone tell me how to reply individually lol maybe I'm stupid 🤷 we just both agreed no joint accounts because in his words he's bad with money , I'm aware it's my home and safety but why should I be responsible for absolutely everything, they are his kids too he had 2 jobs I asked had he set up direct debits and he said yeah all done , I didn't think I needed to worry on top of being responsible for absolutely everything eles it's a direct debit you set it up and that's it 🤷 tbh i'm responsible for absolutely everything eles I've bills coming out my ears 🙈 I've worked out the money , he should be able to afford it with few 100 spare before overtime

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 28/01/2025 21:06

Your in ni. You can def get a payment plan. Contact ASAP. Sort it before it goes to court and you have more to pay

www.nidirect.gov.uk/campaigns/guide-rates

Jk987 · 28/01/2025 21:06

What do you mean by rates? Council Tax?

Greyish2025 · 28/01/2025 21:04

Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 20:10

Hi everyone 👋
I'll try and keep this short , we bought our first house 3 years ago , since then , me and my husband had a separation of 9 months , things had been bad tbh and I never would have bought a home with him but we found ourselves in need of somewhere new to live and had the means to buy a home , anyway , we decided to work through our issues and things have been going well since Christmas... Today I found letters he has hidden from me from land and property and turns out he has never paid the rates , like ever 🥺, we agreed that he would be responsible for them and he's told me numerous times they were paid for , we now owe 1000s and we honestly don't have the money., he's ignored the last letter that would have given him the option to pay off in installments, he's been working overtime every weekend for 5 months and I also buy all food , all school meals , all kids clothes ect I worked out he should have few hundred left at the end of the month after the bills he pays NOT Inc overtime ,and now he tells me NOW he tells me he couldn't afford it 😡 have I a right to be livid , and what will happen to the home now ? Is this unforgivable to you ?

Where is all his money going if he can’t pay it?
He needs to borrow it/ take out a loan

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:03

Doggymummar · 28/01/2025 20:21

Rates are from before council tax - how many years are we going back 20 or more for sure edit guess you are not in England

Edited

She's in Northern Ireland, Rates are still very much a thing in NI. Just check out her user name, it's a pretty big clue!

Gettingbysomehow · 28/01/2025 21:02

My ex husband did this repeatedly for 15 years. I divorced him.

IcyHare · 28/01/2025 21:01

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FeathersMcgraww · 28/01/2025 21:00

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Lots of couples I know have a joint account that they put all money for joint outgoings into but maintain separate accounts for things that they cover. If that’s the case here then when OP’s husband said he would be paying and had paid she would assume it was out of his money given he took the responsibility for it.

Whatever their set up, the ridiculous part is this grown arse man not coming clean about not being able to afford it after the first bill.

PragmaticIsh · 28/01/2025 20:59

Okay, if you're in Northern Ireland you don't go to prison for not paying Rates, whereas in England not paying Council Tax can land you in prison. So there's that at least.

Can you call tomorrow and ask to set up a payment plan? Or call a debt charity for advice?

Your DH will need to hand over access to his bank statements though, as a priority.

ScrubbedCauliflower · 28/01/2025 20:58

Overthebow · 28/01/2025 20:22

What are rates? What is it he hasn’t been paying?

Rates are the equivalent of Council Tax in the U.K. I believe

Sansan18 · 28/01/2025 20:58

Apparently there's a huge amount of unpaid rates in NI this year.They will take you to court and that creates additional expenses so I'd contact them asap.

IcyHare · 28/01/2025 20:57

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Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 20:56

Hi I'm new to this so don't know how to reply individually, im in Derry , what I pay is more than what he's responsible for , he earns more than me without the extra overtime money , hes always worked hard and always been skint apparently, never understood were money goes , it's been left to him because that's what we decided, i thought it was easier for him to pay mortgage and rates and I'd take care of monthly club costs for kids , any holidays , school meals , uniforms , Christmas , food , electric, TV licence ect he's bad with money so I just told him to set up direct debits , I don't think that is it being left up to him he had 2 jobs , mortgage and insurance, rates , I pay off the kitchen , I pay off Argos card , I pay off the sofa , I paid the plumber ect ect ect ! Yes the mortgage is paid , he's also quite bit older than me and just said he wanted to be responsible for that .. I let him because tbh that's much easier than what I pay , I've constantly have money for clubs and swimming and electric and food every week, we've never had a joint bank account, like I said he's bad with money so I thankfully made the right decision to keep our bank accounts separate,believe me I got the short straw, but it's not even he's paying more or I am tbh it's not saying anything about it that's the real issue , I would have cut back to make the rates as much as I could have ,I would have sorted it tbh like I always do 😡

OP posts:
IcyHare · 28/01/2025 20:56

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HollyKnight · 28/01/2025 20:55

If the LPS hasn't started debt recovery proceedings, contact them tomorrow and discuss a payment plan. If they have started debt recovery proceedings you will need to pay the full amount before the hearing date or it will go to court. Take out a loan if necessary. Check to see if you are or would have been entitled to rate relief during the past 3 years. Has the mortgage definitely been getting paid?

Cherrysoup · 28/01/2025 20:52

Can you sell up? Is there equity? Children to consider?

IcyHare · 28/01/2025 20:44

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Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/01/2025 20:36

Depends, it sounds like he is working every hour...so if there genuinely is extra cash floating around where is it going? What is the breakdown of income/costs for both of you?

Dibbydoos · 28/01/2025 20:35

Def call them, tell them you've discovered they've not been paid. You want to arrange payment by installments, set it up to come our of his account.

Whilst that's ongoing, put the house on the market to get rid of it and him, sadly you'll be joint and several for the rates, so you'll have to cough up half unless you can twist his arm and he agrees it's on him.

Get shut of him, find a new place and live your best life. What an AH he is.

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