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Original poster

Will we lose our home ? Should I lose a husband

189 replies

Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 20:10

Hi everyone 👋
I'll try and keep this short , we bought our first house 3 years ago , since then , me and my husband had a separation of 9 months , things had been bad tbh and I never would have bought a home with him but we found ourselves in need of somewhere new to live and had the means to buy a home , anyway , we decided to work through our issues and things have been going well since Christmas... Today I found letters he has hidden from me from land and property and turns out he has never paid the rates , like ever 🥺, we agreed that he would be responsible for them and he's told me numerous times they were paid for , we now owe 1000s and we honestly don't have the money., he's ignored the last letter that would have given him the option to pay off in installments, he's been working overtime every weekend for 5 months and I also buy all food , all school meals , all kids clothes ect I worked out he should have few hundred left at the end of the month after the bills he pays NOT Inc overtime ,and now he tells me NOW he tells me he couldn't afford it 😡 have I a right to be livid , and what will happen to the home now ? Is this unforgivable to you ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

His das also doesn't work now and still has his house which I don't understand as he had interest only mortgage

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:28

@Derrygirl09 just out of curiosity, is it in both of your names? Is the mortgage and deeds in joint names?

Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:27

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:26

Isn't it bloody obvious that the OP is in NI?? The post is regarding their Rates. Rates being the correct name for where OP is located.

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I'm 29 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:27

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/01/2025 21:21

Call the local debt charity first, work out what info you need to give the Rates people. Ask how you can negotiate it so that you don't end up responsible for the whole amount, only half.
Have a good look about to find any financial statements - I know everyone frowns on this but he has lied about finances and potentially landed you in debt whilst you have been responsibly paying for more than your share from the sounds of it.
You MUST check the mortgage too.. he might only be paying interest, or hiding bills.

Best of luck.

Mortgage is defo paid I found all the paperwork for everything .

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:26

Whooooo · 28/01/2025 21:23

@Derrygirl09 Blimey, how old are you??

Polll tax came in in 1990

Show quote history

Isn't it bloody obvious that the OP is in NI?? The post is regarding their Rates. Rates being the correct name for where OP is located.

Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:26

Whooooo · 28/01/2025 21:23

@Derrygirl09 Blimey, how old are you??

Polll tax came in in 1990

Show quote history

No a few years tho

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:25

OpenFox · 28/01/2025 21:23

Your husband is clearly financially incompetent.

The ONLY way to move forward is for you to do all the finances.

Go through his money with him, then get him to transfer you a lump sum every month to cover everything he was responsible for plus enough to pay off this debt each month. Make sure he transfers the money the same day he is paid. He can then have whatever is left.

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He woudlnt do this tbh we e had this argument before , everytime he says he's skint I ask how could you be I worked out you get X y and z and you pay x y and z ... It normally ends in mind your own business it's my money

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:24

BakedAl · 28/01/2025 21:18

I am surprised they haven't tried to get the money directly through his wages. I have had these kind of orders before for employees in NI.

I wish they would so I don't have to worry about it tbh 🙈 I'm just disgusted he wasn't mentioned , its like 20 pound a week , I could have afforded it tbh , I didn't know there was an issue with money , he told me everything was fine on his part , I'd no reason to not believe it's all he pays and gets more than me in wages 🙈 it's not like he was struggling and I refused to help with 'his' bills , he told me everything was ok 😢

OP posts:
OpenFox · 28/01/2025 21:23

Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:08

Can someone tell me how to reply individually lol maybe I'm stupid 🤷 we just both agreed no joint accounts because in his words he's bad with money , I'm aware it's my home and safety but why should I be responsible for absolutely everything, they are his kids too he had 2 jobs I asked had he set up direct debits and he said yeah all done , I didn't think I needed to worry on top of being responsible for absolutely everything eles it's a direct debit you set it up and that's it 🤷 tbh i'm responsible for absolutely everything eles I've bills coming out my ears 🙈 I've worked out the money , he should be able to afford it with few 100 spare before overtime

Your husband is clearly financially incompetent.

The ONLY way to move forward is for you to do all the finances.

Go through his money with him, then get him to transfer you a lump sum every month to cover everything he was responsible for plus enough to pay off this debt each month. Make sure he transfers the money the same day he is paid. He can then have whatever is left.

Whooooo · 28/01/2025 21:23

Doggymummar · 28/01/2025 20:21

Rates are from before council tax - how many years are we going back 20 or more for sure edit guess you are not in England

Edited

@Derrygirl09 Blimey, how old are you??

Polll tax came in in 1990

Greyish2025 · 28/01/2025 21:22

suburberphobe · 28/01/2025 21:13

OP @Derrygirl09

To reply to an individual, you type the @ sign and go through the list of names the name will pop up that you want to reply to.

or else you can select the ‘’quote’’ button at the bottom of the post

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:21

Holy shit, he's an utter fucker if he's done that.

He's a shit husband and father, he can go move in with mummy if he'd rather pay her bills than his own.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/01/2025 21:21

Call the local debt charity first, work out what info you need to give the Rates people. Ask how you can negotiate it so that you don't end up responsible for the whole amount, only half.
Have a good look about to find any financial statements - I know everyone frowns on this but he has lied about finances and potentially landed you in debt whilst you have been responsibly paying for more than your share from the sounds of it.
You MUST check the mortgage too.. he might only be paying interest, or hiding bills.

Best of luck.

IcyHare · 28/01/2025 21:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:18

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:13

Call them first thing in the morning, they're usually fairly helpful. Explain everything, and get a payment plan sorted.

Then you need to get to the bottom of where his money's been going, is he a big drinker? Smoker? Any drugs? Gambler? He's been spending it on something.

Can you afford the mortgage and bills on your own? Cause I'd be turfing him out after this.

He's not a massive over drinker tbh , he's hardly gone out because he can't afford it everything is he can't afford it yet he got a better job and does overtime I've wrecked my brain for ages because I don't understand it , tbh his mum was crying poverty and had to sell her house and was crying she nowere to go , she hasn't worked in 20 years and now she's bought a lovely house in a very sought after area here , which I've never understood how 🤔 tbh there was alot of whispers behind my back on occasions leading up to it , I suspect he's on her mortgage too if that's possible now tbh

OP posts:
BakedAl · 28/01/2025 21:18

I am surprised they haven't tried to get the money directly through his wages. I have had these kind of orders before for employees in NI.

suburberphobe · 28/01/2025 21:18

@Derrygirl09 You're welcome.

Can't help you with your dilemma - long time since I lived in N.I. - but loved my time in Derry.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:17

lifeonmars100 · 28/01/2025 21:15

That is just awful, I would be beside myself with rage and betrayal.

Whilst I agree it's bad, it's not as bad as it could have been. Three years of rates isn't that much, unless they live in a large house under an expensive area.

But overall, it's certainly a betrayal, and this would be relationship ending for me. I just didn't want OP to get freaked out about the amount they need to pay.

lifeonmars100 · 28/01/2025 21:15

That is just awful, I would be beside myself with rage and betrayal.

Original poster
Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:15

@suburberphobe thanks 😊

OP posts:
IcyHare · 28/01/2025 21:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/01/2025 21:14

@Derrygirl09 or press "quote" underneath the comment from the person you want to reply to.

MissConductUS · 28/01/2025 21:14

Derrygirl09 · 28/01/2025 21:08

Can someone tell me how to reply individually lol maybe I'm stupid 🤷 we just both agreed no joint accounts because in his words he's bad with money , I'm aware it's my home and safety but why should I be responsible for absolutely everything, they are his kids too he had 2 jobs I asked had he set up direct debits and he said yeah all done , I didn't think I needed to worry on top of being responsible for absolutely everything eles it's a direct debit you set it up and that's it 🤷 tbh i'm responsible for absolutely everything eles I've bills coming out my ears 🙈 I've worked out the money , he should be able to afford it with few 100 spare before overtime

To reply individually, click on the " Quote icon underneath their post. A new post will open, with theirs at the top and a place for you to type your reply.

Soonenough · 28/01/2025 21:14

Three years rates shouldn't add up to that much do they . Anyway you absolutely should contact them to work out a payment plan . It costs them money to take you to court , get bailiffs. Any reasonable offer will do it. The fact that you contact will always go in your favour . In the meantime you have to have an honest discussion about finances . He needs to disclose his income and outgoings to you. If there is a huge gap you need to know why . Gambling , drugs , debt he should not be keeping this from you. Otherwise get rid for good this time. Make arrangements about the house and file for child support .

suburberphobe · 28/01/2025 21:13

OP @Derrygirl09

To reply to an individual, you type the @ sign and go through the list of names the name will pop up that you want to reply to.

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