Will we lose our home ? Should I lose a husband

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It hasn't all been left to him.
OP pays for all the bills, food and expenses except for the Mortgage and the Rates. That is the only thing he was asked to do.
She didn't expect that he would pretend to pay, but in reality be building up arrears in secret.
Secrecy has denied OP the chance to adjust her household/child spending or do something to stop the arrears building up because he told her those parts of her bills were taken care of.

Also. the OP is also in paid work. That's how she covers all the other expenses.

This feels like you're blaming the OP. This is ludicrous. He is a grown man who agreed to take care of something and then lied and said he had.

this may sound silly but is he definitely working? He's not pretending to go to work but actually he's just leaving the house for hours but doing nothing?

Im so sorry OP, this sounds like a nightmare. I do agree with a PP who suggested paying a small fee to see who owns his parent's house - that might give you some answers.

Is he hiding an addiction? Gambling? Drugs?
Sorry haven't rtft.

But it's NOT his money. It's family money and you work as a team. That's the whole point of being a couple. He is failing the family and putting you in debt because he is not being a team player.

The fact that he sees it all as his money speaks volumes about what he thinks about your relationship.

Finances are part of relationships. If he can't be open and honest with you and let you help him, then why are you together? What's the point?

Either he is part of a couple and will let you help sort out the finances and go through his finances with him, or he is hiding something!

Just to add, my DH wasn't the greatest with money, so I did a spreadsheet, showed him our take home pay, how much essentials (gas, elec, water, mortgage, council tax etc...) were, then how much kids stuff comes to, and then we agreed an amount we each transfer to our joint account. As you don't have or want a joint account then your partner needs to transfer an amount to you.

This is what I’ve been thinking. I’m sorry to be harsh OP but stand away and look at the whole family dynamic :

your H is working 2 jobs and overtime to pay for mortgage rates and his costs, I can’t recall if you work but your money is going on clubs, the electric, holidays, “the plumber”? Your children are horse riding, football etc and you’re pulled every which way delivering them back and forth to clubs?!

this isn’t working from either of you. If he’s having to lend money to his Mum as well as pay for a mortgage alone, he must be under an immense amount of pressure- as are you. But your lifestyles seeem well out of whack.

you’ve said you can’t afford to live alone- it says it all really. You need him to meet housing costs.
There just isn’t enough money for the lives you’re leading. you’re furious at him for not paying bills you’re jointly responsible for, but you are not able to pay either.

I assume, like GB, rates are a significant but small amount of money each month- they are really the worst thing to avoid paying. You can’t find any evidence of wrong doing yet you’ll be in jail for harming him if he’s cheating?!

its all mad OP. You need to start taking responsibility for yourself. Forget controlling the finances etc… take some time to really think about the situation. What is going on here? I don’t think it’s as simple as presented

I agree with |@Lavender14 's advice about contacting Citizen's advice.

You've got so much to sort out.. but you don't have to do everything at once. Sort the priorities first. For eg
Don't let this derail your promotion. It's upsetting but as many have said, the rates arrears can be dealt with. The promotion will give you so much room for manoeuver.
I'd play your cards really close to your chest with DH, until you've made your various decisions based on research and facts.

Information from Citizen's Advice and or a debt charity re any arrears. Ask about financial planning (what you could be entitled to) and how to protect yourself financially, given the current situation. Advice about best approach to the council to work out a repayment plan As you've said its £2k that's big but not completely unwieldy. It's in their interests for it to be manageable.

Your DH said he had to be at the Council phone call.(My first thought was I bet he does!!) ..
but maybe contact them first yourself for info so you have time to think about it, if the debt people advise this.

He's saying he wants to take part in the conversation - but he's not sharing information. This will either be a good chance to get some more info from him, or for him to spin some flannel to them or to stop you from telling them too much?

The relationship stuff, a potential move, change of schools etc other debt discovery.. are further down the line. This can be put to one side for a bit until you've worked your way through, hopefully with landing the promotion you've been working for.

You mentioned he collects the post before you get home. Any way to make sure you get to see this stuff? Can you ask any accounts with your name on to also come through to your own email as well? Lots to sort, but one step at a time, good luck with the work stuff.

Call up and sort a payment plan, that's the easy part.
Going forward, do you Want to be with this man? Not because you can't afford not to be with him or because of the life you/kids have. Do you actually want to stay with him? Because the responses will be different depending what you decide

You can check on the land registry if he owns his mums house for a small fee.

Well he is going to have to leave when the house is sold and he finds himself divorced

It sounds like you have both spent money you didn't have with things like a new kitchen, new sofas and big spends in argos.
When you first buy a house it's expensive and it used to be the norm to make do for a few years with perhaps a dated kitchen, second sofas gifted from a family member etc.
If money wasn't easy why did you run up a load of debt?
Very few houses are sold with a kitchen that literally is not liveable - because it makes the house unmortgageable. However bad it was you probably could have managed with it for a while instead of building up debt

He is very clearly lying about something and ,while my first thoughts were debts, gambling, drugs, affair, your updates make me think they money is going to his family. If it's via a mortgage then it will show on credit report. If he owns other houses then make sure the solicitor knows this as that will be factored into the settlement.
I'm sorry.x It does look like you are being financially abused. He earns more than you, contributes less than you,does not support the children, and funnels his money elsewhere. He won't change.

He is a very selfish man doing all this harm to his family and not even caring about it.!

I would be furious with him! 🤬

Please do not set up a joint account with him. You will have joint liability, which means if he takes out loans, overdrafts etc you will be liable for them. Also to come of it if it goes wrong is a nightmare.
I think there's probably a lot more going on than you realise. I really hope you get sorted out. It sounds like you will be fine on your own - probably better off. I'm on a low wage, but actually managed to save a little bit when my exh left because I was in control of the finances.
Good luck 💐

TbH he wouldn't have his own account because he clearly can't be trusted. Joint account and his salary paid into this so you can see where money goes. If not, he can leave.

Exactly the same thing happened with my ex. Several times. First time swore it was a mismanagement, managed to cover it but we’d both recently been made redundant and that was almost of our emergency funds gone. Happened again, lucky was in a better position to sort it. The third time (yes, I bloody know) I lost my shit completely. Called them and sorted a payment plan, had the next few future payments come from my account (until I moved out and into my own place).

The first couple of times were almost excusable, thinking the money was needed elsewhere as a priority, then absolutely convinced me there had been a mixup in setting up a DD when moving. By the last time realised he was just shit with money and life management in general (whole other story). Thing is, he’s now earning more than ever, has very low day to day living costs, and I know for a fact he’s done it again. There is no helping some people - you’re better out than them dragging you down with them.