Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

As I understand it, in the U.K. traditionally the bride pays; in the US traditionally the bridesmaid pays. Which is why they often have lots of bridesmaids in the US, and there’s more of a trend of the bride choosing a colour and the bridesmaids choosing their own style of dress. In the U.K. traditionally the bride doesn’t have many bridesmaids, and she chooses, pays for and provides the exact dresses she wants them to wear.

Your friend has probably been hanging out on too many US wedding forums, OP, or on wedding TikTok dominated by Americans.

YANBU. Of course the bride should pay! I can't believe the cheekyfuckery of the bride (and groom presumably!) ! I would be saying 'I can't afford it sorry, so I will have to stand down as bridesmaid.'

The bride pays. Presumably she will want a certain style and colour? Ridiculous if she does and expects you to foot the bill. The only way I'd agree is if she'd be happy for me to wear what I'd be wearing anyway. Otherwise she can go whistle.

I paid for everything for each of my bridesmaids.

*exception of shoes.

@TheAphrodite I thought bridesmaids all had to wear the same dress.

When my dd friend got married her bridesmaids paid for their own dresses bride just asked them to get dark blue but none of them are showy people. And because they are all different sizes they looked cohesive but beautiful.

When I was a bridesmaid the bride paid for everything except shoes. Never occurred to us to have hair and makeup done.

Same when I got married. I paid for dresses, shoes and flowers.

I'm an American and I'd say it used to be about 50/50 bridesmaids would pay for their own hair/makeup and dress. As a bride, I paid all for my bridesmaids. I was in 4 weddings where we all did our own hair and makeup and bride paid for dresses, one where the bride paid for professional stylists and dresses, but we did our own makeup, and one where we paid for dresses but did own hair/makeup. Only one wedding I was in was I expected to pay for everything: professional hair/makeup both in a practice run and for the day and my own very expensive dress/shoes/etc. Guess who I'm no longer close friends with? She was one of those people who was tight with her own money but spent ours with abandon. So, I'm not sure where this 'bridesmaid pays all' came from in America? It was annoying to us just 20 some years ago.

@Runrabbit123 If she wants you dressed a certain way, she should be paying for it. You aren't a bad friend for this, honestly.

I was a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding and my SIL asked if bridesmaids could all wear something teal (with our own hair, makeup, accessories). Only stipulation being that they were a similar shade so she'd like to see a photo before we committed, because there are loads of shades of teal. It came out of my own pocket, but meant I could spend £20 or £200 on something I knew I'd definitely wear again. I didn't mind; I'd have bought something new/new-ish to wear to the wedding anyway. And she definitely paid for the flowers. (Paying for your own bouquet is mad to me - they're definitely ALWAYS paid for by the bride at every wedding I've ever been to.)

Could you gently tell your friend you can't afford it, but know that the colour/style is important to her and if you and the other bridesmaids could get your own?

If she's a real friend, she wouldn't care. The important thing is that you're beside her on the day. I didn't give a shit what my friends wore to my wedding, I just wanted them to be comfy and involved. They looked beautiful anyway and made the effort, but the day is so much more than the photos.

American here. In the US the bridesmaids typically pay for everything - dress, shoes, Bachelorette party (Hen do), and typically also throw a bridal shower and pay for that too. Its quite expensive - easily $1000 per wedding. And its ridiculous. Some brides will pay for some of these things, but traditionally it was on the maids to pay, which didnt stop brides from being angry/hurt/shocked when a friend kindly declined due to the cost. I am sorry to see this mode has now jumped the ocean to here because it is very much over the top. I think SM has only contributed to the hysteria.

Bride should definitely pay.

I was a bridesmaid for my friend, we were expected to buy our dresses, shoes and pay for our own hair/make up. She sent us all a picture of the dress and then after half had purchased it turned out they didn't go above a size 18 so two of the bridesmaids had to buy two dresses and pay themselves for them to be altered. They were the ugliest dresses on earth and only looked good on one girl who had ordered a size up. She shares an anniversary photo every year and I still think the photo is awful, we aren't friends any more and given other behaviour I wonder if she wanted us looking dreadful so all the attention was on her.

In the UK traditionally the bride pays for the bridesmaids . Bridesmaids paying is probably another thing being imported from the USA . Sounds like this bride has been watching Say yes to the dress USA where everyone has at least 6 bridesmaids / groomsmen .

This was how I felt when I got married nearly 30 years ago. I had two grownup bridesmaids. My late dad and stepmum gave us some money as their contribution to the wedding which covered all of the bridal outfits and accessories including our bouquets (as I say, it was 30 years ago!). My bridesmaids were free to do their hair and makeup as they wished.

Bride pays. No question. Why should you pay for someone else's wedding vision? If she can't afford it she shouldn't do it. By the time you have paid for travel, accommodation, drinks, a gift you have already spent a substantial amount to celebrate with them.

The bride should pay for anything she requests. If she is happy for you to do your own hair and make-up and wants no particular style, that's fine, if now then she should pay.

I even think the bride should pay for shoes unless you can wear a pair you already have or it is an everyday neutral like black, not a random colour to match the dress.

The bride should pay.

If there is a deviation for that then it should be mentioned when asking the person to be a BM. Not hooking them in and then landing the costs on them

FFS, who has 7 bridesmaids? I agree with everyone else - bride pays for dresses etc, so if she can only afford to pay for 1 or 2, then that's the number she has.

Might be worth ducking out of this one, coz this wedding could end up being incredibly stressful!

Frankly it’s tacky. Don’t ask 7 people to be a bridesmaid if you can’t pay for it. Ask one best friend or a sister and leave it be.

i had several bridesmaids, paid for hair makeup a bag dress a gift and transport

The bride should pay for all of the bridesmaids' dresses and then they're hers to sell afterwards. She should also pay for their shoes or let them wear their own.

The bride should pay for all bouquets.

Bridesmaids can do their own hair/make-up or pay a professional themselves if the bride doesn't offer it.

If a bride can't afford to pay for seven dresses and bouquets then she shouldn't have seven bridesmaids! Is it all for Instagram?

I think the bride should pay generally. I wouldn't ask people to be bridesmaids and then ask them to pay for their dresses. There's enough costs associated with being in/attending a wedding anyway.
I wouldn't expect my bridesmaids to wear specific shoes - again if the bride does, I believe they should pay.
Same with hair & makeup, if bride is happy for bridesmaids to do their own then that should be an option so that they can save money. I've been involved in weddings where bridesmaids are offered the option to have their hair and makeup done at an 'add on' kind of cost but no problem to turn down if they don't want to pay for it.
If bride wants everyone to have the same hair/makeup for photos then they should pay for the cost of that.

FWIW I was only planning to have my sister as bridesmaid because I couldn't afford to pay for the dresses for all my friends that I would have wanted - when I explained to them that I would have loved to have them but we were on a terribly tight budget and we couldn't afford it, they all offered to pay for their own dresses, I let them choose together whatever they wanted and it was really nice to have them so I'm grateful that they wanted to be involved to that extent.

Just say no. Bloody cheeky.

Is she allowing you to pick any dress to wear on the day? Even in a colour scheme you might be allowed to wear any dress but if she isn't, then I'd recuse myself from being a bridesmaid and also from the hen. It's not worth the hassle.

I think that’s another thing - you’re one of 7 - no offence but it’s not like it’s this tremendous honour & then you pay for yourself. I think she should have picked her 2 best friends and paid for them.

The bride is a cf, and we are seeing this a lot, the wedding costs becoming the bill of the invited guests. Everything from the expensive rooms paid for by guests, usually with no choice, subsidise the bride and groom’s honeymoon suite - and function rooms. Very little food being served, drinks are paid for by the guests at a bar. Weddings on random days so people have to use their annual leave. Whole day weddings with one meal. The list just goes on and on. It’s getting worse.