Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

I've never heard of a bridesmaid being asked to pay for her own dress or any other expenses.

I think it’s incredibly rude & entitled for a bride to expect others to pay to be part of her wedding. But I suppose US ways will eventually take over here.

No way. I would do my own hair/makeup. No problem.
I would dress nicely out of my wardroom. But if a bride wants the dress and the shoes she pays. Not me.

I gave my bridesmaids a colour scheme and a budget of £80 for their outfit, and asked them to run their choices past me.

One got a sale dress and shoes for £20 total.
One got a second hand dress off eBay for £35.
The last fannied around choosing options, ignoring the colour scheme, fussing about alterations and spent the whole £80 and I don't know what else, then wanted them all to have ugly matching shawls so they matched more.

I paid for hair, they did makeup.

If the bride chooses, she should pay in full. Other options are available.

The bride cannot afford 7 bridesmaids!

Is it a specific dress mandated? Or can you choose one?

If you have choice it's more acceptable to expect you to pay. Vinted has lots of decent affordable 'worn once ' options.

Hair: can you do your own?

Funny how brides are adopting the American bridesmaids pay custom but not the open bar custom 😂

Oh actually should have said - I paid but my one bridesmaid chose the dress! I wanted her to have something she would feel happy in. So I gave her a budget and she bought a nice dress. I also paid for her flight over as I got married in Gibraltar. I chose the flower girl dresses, but they came with me and tried loads on!

You could look at it from the other way though, if a close friend told her friendship group “sorry you can’t be bridesmaids I can’t afford it.” I’m sure they would be more than happy to pay for their own dresses so they could be included.

My bridesmaid purchased their dresses however I let them have free rein on what they purchased, they just had a colour scheme to stick to.

Make up and hair was optional but they would have been paying for themselves.

Our wedding was low key and relaxed and if I had paid for all of the dresses, make up and hair etc it would have added over £1000 to our very small budget.

I hate this shit! If it's your wedding then you pay. If you can't afford to pay then don't have a big wedding with 7 bridesmaids! It's embarrassing tbh 🙄

I paid for the dress for my one bridesmaid and two flower girls, and shoes and baskets for the flower girls. I didnt pay for hair and makeup. But then I didnt have my hair and makeup done professionally either! I did it myself.

Just mail her and say you didn’t realise you’d need to buy the dress and really can’t afford it. Say you’ll call her tomorrow but you are happy to just come as a guest if that’s ok with her.

Then she has time to think about it and not be upset.

If your paying then you choose the dress. All Bridesmaids agree on shade / colour, general style of gown… but you choose what you actually buy. That way you don’t have to pay £200 for a dress from dressmakers and can Instead opt for something cheaper.

Bride pays hair and makeup unless she’s happy for you to style yourself.

Who on earth needs 7 bridesmaids anyway? Sounds very bridezilla-ish to me.

I would feel supremely uncomfortable expecting my friends to foot the bill for any aspect of an event I was throwing / for me. If you’re hosting a wedding then you pay for it. Your guests and bridesmaids are already taking time out to attend/ travel / pay for accommodation. It’s extremely cheeky to expect them to pay for a dress and make up that you are asking them to have. If a bride doesn’t want to pay then she should let her BMs wear whatever they like.
I would feel equally gross about expecting them to all pay a fortune for a hen do too. I’m amazed at the entitlement of some getting married. It ruins so many friendships and causes such resentment. What’s the point in all that stress over something that’s supposed to be happy?

I've been a bridesmaid three times and each time I've paid for my own dress.

When I got married we paid for the bridesmaid dresses because we could afford to and the cost was small in comparison so the overall cost of the wedding.

They chose their own dresses but I did give them a colour and they had to be floor length.

I didn't pay for hair and make up because I didn't care whether they had it or not (I did my own) so basically said I was happy for them to arrange it if they wanted to. We didn't all get ready together the morning of the wedding.

But if you watch Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids(former guilty pleasure) that was exactly what was expected

And it's the norm to have loads of bridesmaids and 'groomsmen'

I'd do a polite refusal.

It's too much. The most you should possibly pay for are your shoes

I would never expect someone to spend their money on a dress I want, getting to a place I want or having their hair/make up done for my occasion. It's the bride/groom's special day and the idea that someone has hundreds to spend on your terms just seems crass and unfair to me. I've always cut my cloth accordingly so a low budget wedding = 1 bridesmaid.

I once pulled out of a wedding on the grounds that it was a flight away, everyone had to pay for their own dress/make up/hair and accommodation if needed. And....bridesmaids weren't invited to the reception - it was family only to keep costs low. About twenty people - siblings, their partners, parents, grandparents, uncle on one side and not the other. Unsurprisingly it actually caused a fall out (not me, I just politely declined) between friends as well as the other uncle and his family (a wife and teen).

The couple (mid 20's) left their wedding and moved into a 3 bed detached home in an expensive city they put a 50% deposit down on and bought themselves a new Lexus. Not enough money wasn't the issue, they didn't want to spend £30/head (was a local very typical restaurant - that covered a set menu and tip) to cover 3 non-family bridesmaids who have spent hundreds if not thousands to be there, an uncle/aunt and 1 cousin. For the cost of £150 (5 extra people) they could have saved a lot of really hurt feelings.

I'm an American, living in the U.S. My daughter got married in New York last year.

It would be considered very grabby in the U.S. for the bride to expect the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, hair, and makeup.

Of course the bride pays. Was always like that. I would just pull out of BM duties. Tell her you don't expect to fund that bill and it's too £££ and that you will just be a regular guest as you don't want to miss the wedding.

This. Brides who pass on costs to their bridesmaids are sending the message that it’s all about appearances and photos and nothing to do with real friendship.

When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and they wore their own shoes and did their own hair and makeup.

But when one friend got married she asked me if I could buy my dress as she was on a limited budget I did and she paid for my hair. The other friend I was bridesmaid for did the same as me and paid for just the dress.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules anymore.

Yet another bride who wants a big do, but can't/won't pay for it.

I'd put money on a pretty little poem on the invitations asking for cash.