Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

When I got married I paid for my adult bridesmaid dress but my two "little" bridesmaids' dresses were paid for by my aunt and my parents in law. To be honest they were off the shelf dresses in BHS, so not very expensive but it was nice of them to pay.

My adult bridesmaid's dress came from a department store on Oxford St and cost more than my dress did. I got mine from a lady who operated a wedding dress business from her house so it wasn't very expensive.

Bride should absolutely pay. It’s so entitled to expect people to shell out for the ‘honour’ of being in the wedding party. Weddings and hen dos are expensive enough already.

Bride should pay for dresses at bare minimum... if the can't 'afford' it then its too expensive and they shouldn't expect others to pay.

Other things I think depend, if she dictates specific things she should pay but if not then it on the bridesmaids to pay.

I paid for the dress, shoes, jewellery, flowers of my bridesmaid but they did their own hair and make up how they wanted as I think thats just optional extras.

I do know sometimes with say long dresses some brides just say wear a pair of your own shoes you already own because they wont be seen etc... and thats probably fine.

Bride should pay for at least the dress. I have been a bridesmaid twice- first time bride paid for everything, second time bride paid for dress, and half the cost of the shoes (I did my own hair and make up).

7 is a lot of bridesmaids!

My DDinlaw got married in the summer and said wear any old blue dress of your own that you fancy to the bridesmaids, all looked lovely, no-one grumbled. Whole wedding was similarly cheap and cheerful (and now they're having a new kitchen).

I paid for dresses (£200pp) and hair accessories. I told everyone to do what they want with their shoes, makeup and hair. It genuinely made no difference to me if someone had no make up on or etc. I also wanted people to wear shoes they would wear again, and have a hair style they're comfortable with. I think if you expect people to have a specific look, you should pay.

I also bought flowers. My hen do was nothing mad. Just went for some food and had a very unclassy night out in Sheffield at Corp and Dempsey's 🤷🤣 I think if you're expecting a weekend away, you should pay for the accommodation.

In the UK the bride should pay. I paid for my two bridesmaids dress, shoes, hair etc. If the bride can't afford it then have one or two bridesmaids instead. Or at the very very least when the bride asks you to be bridesmaid they ask first if you are happy to pay for your dress, hair etc. The whole wedding, hen parties etc are getting so expensive and out of hand.

Really?!?! I don't think I know anyone who would think this! Bridesmaids are free, anyone can include their friends, they don't have to dictate matching expensive dresses. Can't afford to buy the dresses but want to include people? Embrace the mismatched look and let your bridesmaids wear dresses they already own!

Bride pays if she is dictating what she wants.

I told my bridesmaids that they could do their own hair and makeup however they liked. They could use my hairdresser but I expected them to pay if they did as was optional. Only one of them did.

I also said they could wear any dress they already owned if it was blue. Two already had beautiful suitable dresses. The other two didn't so we agreed on dresses together and I paid.

It seems that some brides are grossly overestimating the appeal of being their bridesmaid.

Bride pays for bridesmaids' dresses.

Or, as per @Doloresparton , they ask you to choose a dress you already own.

On the subject of colour schemes- my mum told me that she asked her bridesmaids to choose any of the colours of sweet peas (her favourite flower), which I thought was lovely. Their choice of style- but she still paid for them. They could then wear them to parties (which they did, apparently)

Bride should be paying, why the hell is she having 7 bridesmaids if she can’t afford them, she should just have one
She just wants loads of bridesmaids for photos and give the appearance that she is having a big expensive wedding but in actual face you are paying for it

An x friend asked me to be bridesmaid but Then told me I aswell as everyone of the other bridesmaids would be paying for the dresses, she then thought she could dictate the type of dresses which we bought ( with our own money), no one would agree with her over the dresses and weren’t going to be pushed into it so in the end she had to buy them herself,
If she isn’t paying for the dresses she really has no say in what is being bought ( except for maybe colour) and hasn’t a leg to stand on if no one is agreeing with her choices.

Any dresses that are being chosen just start being difficult and saying that you wouldn’t pay for that because of XYZ, she will never get 7 bridesmaids to agree on dresses etc so she will find out that she has lost control as she is not paying for them herself

Bride should pay for anything mandatory. Dress definitely. Then hair and makeup if they are specifying what you have done and shoes if they insist on a specific pair.

I gave a colour preference and contribution to costs but was really low key and causal - and strict no presents policy - any ex

As a bridesmaid I was able to wear clothes I already owned again really easy going.

It is super rude - if you want people to give up their time to attend your wedding, then the least you can do it pay for their dress/shoes.

To the people that said - I just gave them a shade, so they can pick. That is just as bad - who really ever has the need to wear a teal/mint/pink bridesmaid dress again?

When I was a bridesmaid for my friend she asked me to pick a dress I already had( in the days of maxi dresses).
I showed her 2 that I thought suitable, she chose her favourite and that’s what I wore.

The bride should pay in my experience

It’s unthinkably rude and vulgar to me that the bride asks someone to be her bridesmaid and then expects them to pay! Not only should she ex be paying for them all, she should be buying them a gift too.

Anything less than this is just mannerless.

Bride pays for the dresses but bridesmaids pay for shoes.

In regards to hair and makeup I would expect it to be up to the bridesmaids if they wanted this and if so pay or do their own.

If bride is picking dress, hair style etc then bride pays. I paid for 8 bridesmaid; hair make up dresses shoes flowers etc. the only thing I said if they wanted nails/lashes/tan they had to do that them selves

My bridesmaids paid for their dresses BUT it was "here's the colour scheme pick whatever dress you like" and I said if we found one on vinted I would buy it but wouldn't be able afford a new one and said I totally understood if they didn't want to he a bridesmaid. Two did find a dress on vinted but refused to let me pay, to my knowledge all (except one) have reworn their dresses or leant to friends to wear. Others sold their dresses on vinted.
I wouldn't have never made a friend pay for a dress I had picked although I know friends who have.

No way, the bride should pay. It's her choice to have seven bridesmaids, and if she can't afford the dresses, she'll have to compromise. I had four but didn't have a lot of money to spend, we got nice dresses from Debenhams and shoes from Dunnes. I paid for their hair and make-up.

I wouldn't pay as a bridesmaid unless I was just given a loose 'brief' in terms of what to wear. A friend of mine had bridesmaids pay, but they just needed to wear dresses in a certain colour. I have also seen a really cute trend on tik tok where the bridesmaids wear literally whichever dress they want, but are identified by matching bouquets, that's a great way of having multiple bridesmaids without shelling out.

When I got married in 2017, I only had one bridesmaid, I paid for her dress, any alterations, a stole (it was winter!), her bouquet, hair and make up. She paid for her own shoes as I left it completely up to her, and she bought some she would wear again and again.

I do think it's poor form to ask you to be bridesmaid without being explicit in what that will entail for you, financially.

I'd say the Bride pays...

Another way, not sure if it's more a newish thing or not, is the Bride chooses a colour theme then the Bridesmaids choose/pays for a dress that they like/is more suited to them instead of one size suits all.

Bride should pay and has in three of the 4
four weddings I've been in the bridal party for. I think one was a mix, we had options for hair and contributed a bit towards dresses, she also had a lot of bridesmaids. We all had a bit more spare cash at the time as we had had kids yet!

I think bride should pay for whatever they require. If they want bridesmaids to have professional make UK, she should pay. If bride doesn't mind and bridesmaid what's to have professional make up then bridesmaid pays herself. If bride wants a specific dress then bride pays, if bride asks something reasonable like "black dress" then bridesmaid pays (this is a slippery slope on what us reasonable)