Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

Absolutely wild. Sorry, but your friend is a CF.

Bridesmaids pay in Oz too. But you can say no without causing offence. It might be more difficult in the UK where being asked to be a bridesmaid is seen as an honour.

If the bride wants to follow the US/Oz model, she’ll need to suck it up if you decide you can’t afford the job.

If it is a specific dress the bride should pay, if it’s more of a can you wear a certain colour I then see no problem with the bridesmaid paying. 7 bridesmaids is a lot maybe your friend should cut back to make it more affordable.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do this. It depends entirely in each individual wedding. However she should have made it esr from the get-go so you could either have declined or saved up.

I had 4 bridesmaids. I paid for their dresses and jewellery. We all did our own make up and a friend did my hair but then also did most of the bridesmaids to. However, the all insisted on paying for their own dresses but I declined. They did pay for my hen do however.

Edited to add...we didn't have traditional bridesmaid dresses, they were far more modern evening gown type dresses that were in navy blue and could absolutely be used again. I also really didn't Carr what they went for as long as they were all in 1 colour. It was pure fluke they all decided between them on the same dress.

I paid for dresses. I didn't pay for hair or shoes as I wasn't bothered about their hair or shoes, they could do whatever they wanted.

The bride is a CF who is expecting you all to foot part of the bill for her wedding costs so she can have the day she wants. She should have chosen fewer bridesmaids and paid, or given you the choice to wear what you like if you are paying. What are you going to do?

I'm UK and didn't realise the bride was supposed to pay, I've always paid for all my own.

If the bride/ groom want to dictate what people wear and how they look then of course they need to pay.

It is an american thing for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. My friend just told her bridesmaids to wear black, anything they wanted, so got around it that way and saved them an expense. In general, I think it is pretty shoddy to ask bridesmaids to pay.

Weddings…. I’ve always thought that for those that don’t want to get married the fact that two people are getting married and expect so many people to fork out so much… hotels, gift, travel etc… it’s a lovely thing but really, it’s just a party. And half of weddings don’t last. Can you tell I think wedding parties are a bit of a waste of time ;) Marriage is really a legal agreement where assets are protected for both parties. Considering anyone at anytime can walk away - it’s just the legal protection that makes a difference - and then why have a huge party to celebrate a legal agreement… And then, to seek those that spend additional time to pay for things that really are just about an outfit for a party… I mean. No. The options are wear what you want or bride pays. We didn’t want to marry, we have been for 20 years and have legal agreements regarding our shared assets should it ever come to a separation. Love is beyond marriage and the pressure weddings create for couples and their families and pals - I just don’t get it.

I'm with the 97%

Anything needed specifically for the wedding, should be covered by the B&G.
If they can't afford it, then they can't have it.

I'd send a nice message along the lines of "Sorry if I've misunderstood, but I am surprised you are asking me to pay for the bridesmaid dress for your wedding. I don't have the budget for that, so I'm going to have to stand down as bridesmaid. I will look forward to the day as a guest instead"

My friend bought the dress (we chose from a store she picked in her budget) and I bought shoes and accessories to go with it. We did eachothers hair and make up to keep costs down.

OP - be honest and tell her you cant afford it

Queen Elizabeth had 11.

I agree.

I would contact the bride along the lines of 'With regret I must withdraw from being your bridesmaid. The mounting costs have made my participation completely infeasible. Best wishes, will be thinking of you on the day, Regards @Runrabbit123 '.

She's being unreasonable to ask the SEVEN of you to subsidise her wedding plans.

This

As the bride I paid for my bridesmaids. But I have been a bridesmaid when I was expected to pay. I went along with it because I could afford it but I was definitely shocked by the expectation.

Royals don't have many bridesmaids because bridesmaids aren't posh. Especially teams of bachelorettes all in the same strip.

The bride should pay (if in UK anyway), we did for my bridesmaids dresses and hair when we got married.
She shouldn't be having 6 bridesmaids if she can't afford the dresses

I got married last year. I paid for bridesmaids dresses, hair, make up and flowers. Just asked them to get their own shoes.

Bride should pay for dress unless they give you a colour and let you choose. If they are choosing they pay.

Bride should pay for hair and give the option for make up as extra.

Can’t be doing with people having bridesmaids when they can’t afford it.

DD paid for their dresses, hair, make up, bouquets and hotel rooms the night before the wedding. Plus gifts including make up robes, gin and lunch before the wedding. Being mindful of budget and costs she only had two. The bridesmaids and her other friends hosted the hen party and DD’s costs including overnight accommodation. The costs OP are alluding to are crazy.

The bride should pay - she has asked 7 people to be her bridesmaids, she shouldn't have asked as many if she couldn't afford it.

I have been a bride and have also have been a bridesmaid several times and it has been the responsibility of the bride and groom to pay for their wedding party.

I had three bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids and a flower girl and I paid for everything for them - dress, shoes, flowers, hair and make up etc. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking them to pay. If they wanted to get their nails done for the day, that was up to them but I didn't pay for that.

I know some bridesmaids want to pay for their own shoes as they are going to wear them again - I did this once when I was a bridesmaid. People are more likely to buy their own shoes and you often have bridesmaids with non matching shoes as they are barely visible under a longer dress.

I paid for my bridesmaids hair, make up, dresses, flowers etc. I wouldn't expect them to pay. They all chose their own dresses too. I wanted them to be happy and comfortable.