Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

It should not put you out of pocket to be a bridesmaid for someone. At the very least she should pay for your dress and hair.

People lose track of how much time, effort and money weddings can cost just for general guests - gift, transport, outfit, childcare. Add professional hair and a fancy dress to that and you're talking hundreds. It's a cheek.

I'd tell her I'd pay on the proviso I can choose my own dress. But let me guess, it's her wedding so her choice?

Just say no.

Yeah in America traditionally the bridesmaids pay for themselves but the tradition in America is that the wedding host/s pays for the guests drinks. The idea of a 'cash bar' is appalling to some. As tacky as things like a 'dollar dance' or a 'garter toss'.

That's the problem with a melting pot of traditions. You pick and choose which ones suit you and which don't. In the original culture things might even out but this tends to get lost along the way.

The bride pays. If the bride can't afford to pay multiple times, they should have fewer bridesmaids.

On this topic, I don’t know what to think, I’d think my friend was a bit cheap. It annoys me people that want everything - they want the big, perfect wedding even when they can’t afford it. I think it depends on the prices of the dresses. If the total cost came to say 200 pounds I’d pay it but I’d only give a token gift and something small and sentimental with a beautiful written card. It really depends on your income, what you can afford and how much you valued being her BM. If this is a ‘dime a dozen’ BM experience then rethink it.

The bride should pay.

Just tell her you can't afford it. If the money doesn't exist, it doesn't exist.m

She should have made it clear as part of the deal.

The bride should pay for anything they want a say in. If they want you in a specific dress / shoes / bouquet, they pay. If they want you to have professional grade make up and hair, they pay.

If they're just asking you to wear a dress you own and love, and wear your hair and make up however you normally would for any event, then I can see why they wouldn't then be expected to pay.

But I assume someone who is having 7 BMs likely is very into the aesthetic, and as such, they should pay for it.

The Internet is definitely responsible here for the confusion as it has been pointed out, the idea that bridesmaids pay comes from the US.

I hadca wear any dress option and paid for accommodation. I can't imagine asking bridesmaids to pay for a dress but neither would I expect them to attend a hen do unless it was for free.

I mean off topic but why do royals barely ever have bridesmaids. I didn’t realise bridesmaids was big in the UK because of this. They have a maximum of one and even then it’s the MOH.

then they shouldn't have them

Also I agree 7 BMs is a ridiculous number.

I didn’t have any adult bridesmaids when I got married as I didn’t want to choose between friends and didn’t want to dress my friends!

Opt out.

It's bizarre to expect anyone to pay for the Bridesmaid dress.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and hair, gifted jewellery and they wore their own shoes (long dresses I told them they could wear anything they wanted). Mostly I have had my bridesmaid dresses paid for. I was asked to be bridesmaid for one friend and I paid for my dress and bride paid hair and makeup. The key thing was the bride told us up front we would be buying our dresses (American background though in the UK). She also gave us free rein within a wide colour scheme and only asked that it would be floor length.
I think the key issue is the bride not communicating her intentions upfront re bridesmaids paying which isn’t fair.

YANBU. Bride should pay for it all. Admittedly my sister paid for her dress but that was a surprise at the checkout as she knew how much I was spending on everything else. Other than that, we paid for all dresses, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes and flowers.

I think times have changed on this one.

We paid for all bridesmaid dresses, shoes & those who wanted to get hair & makeup done with me as thought that was the done thing BUT I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times and have another 2 weddings coming up where I am bridesmaid/MOH, out of all of those only 1 bride is paying for the dresses etc.

I don’t think a bride HAS to pay for hair/makeup etc as not everyone may want that done so as long as the bride isn’t saying they MUST have x look I’m not sure that bit matters, but the dress I do think if you’re being allocated a specific dress and it’s an obvious bridesmaid dress then bride should pay because it’s not like it would ever get worn again. 2 of the other weddings have just given a rough colour theme and said happy for us to choose anything that works so in that instance I don’t think it’s too bad as you can then buy a dress you’d wear again.

Bride should pay.

Unless stated at the time of asking that you would have to pay for yourself so you could decide if you could afford it.

Id tell her unfortunately you will have to step down as you don't have the spare cash to buy dress, shoes, hair make up etc along with hen do's, wedding gifts and potential overnight stays!

I think the bride should always pay, at least for the dress, and if she’s choosing the exact shoes, probably those as well.

The difficulty is that the US expectation of the bridesmaid paying is starting to trickle over here, whereas in UK and Ireland it was always a given that the bride pays. As I think she should!

For a country so keen on financial freedom, the number of spending obligations that seem to be culturally imposed on people in the US (baby showers, buy your own BM dress etc, etc) seems huge.

I agree with those saying contact the bride and say you can’t afford it and are happy to drop out of being a BM, that there was a misunderstanding etc.

Sorry, but 7 bridesmaids is ridiculous. No wonder she doesn't want to pay!

Very standard in America and becoming more so here due to the US social media influence.

Anything the bride dictates, she pays for. So if you can wear a dress of your choice (including one you already own) and have your hair and makeup how you like, it's fine not to pay. If she wants you to wear a certain style/colour then she pays.

Of course the bride should be paying. I guess she got carried away asking seven people, and now realises she can't afford it.

I suppose it would be slightly less cheeky if it was a colour agreed by all (unlikely) and you were given free rein to buy any wedding appropriate dress in that colour, shoes of your choice etc. I bet anyone who wanted seven bridesmaids in the first place wouldn't be this reasonable, though.

If she wants to choose the dresses, she pays for them.

There is absolutely no “it depends” about this. Asking bridesmaids to pay anything at all towards being a bridesmaid is appallingly crass, selfish and entitled.

When I got married I had three bridesmaids and they did not pay one penny towards it. Why on earth should they?!

I can only think that anyone who says “it depends” and then suggests things the bridesmaids should pay for, asked their own bridesmaids to pick up the cost. Shameful.

If Bride wants bridesmaids to look and dress a certain way, she should pay.

No no no - Bride pays - she wants 7 bridesmaids 😱- Then she pays
Costs was one reason i had one bridesmaid and i bought her a fab dress, paid for hair make up and room that night for wedding.

I would pull out
Its a no

I think the bride should pay, especially for the dress.

I paid for bridesmaids hair, make up and dress and they paid for their shoes/ wore shoes they already owned.

If you are paying for your own dress then I think the bride should give you a colour scheme and allow you to choose the style yourselves then you’ve more chance of wearing it again and can choose one within budget.