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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give pocket money to DS for doing a chore?

56 replies

NoPocketMoney4U · 28/01/2025 13:36

DH and I disagree on whether to give DS pocket money for doing chores. I think that if DS does a chore, it's reasonable to give him money for his work.

DH thinks it will encourage DS to be helpful only in exchange for money. Instead, DH thinks pocket money should be a specific amount of money per week that is not influenced by chores.

For context, DS is 11 and in his last year of primary school. Generally, we have never really given him pocket money. He also does no chores. A couple years ago, and occasionally since then, I mentioned to him that if he dusted the lounge, I would give him some pocket money in return. I thought it seemed like something he could easily manage and that I'd value enough to pay for.

Yesterday, he did it 😂

Then last night, I discovered how very opposed DH is to giving DS money for this. I realise I will need to give DS some money, since I said I would, but that I need to get on the same page as DH for the future.

But I didn't think it was that weird for parents to give their kids a bit of money for doing chores. (We live in England.)

I'm also curious how people physically manage pocket money for kids around this age. Do you give them cash? Or do they have a bank account and a card/app? Or something else?

YABU = Don't give money to your child for doing chores
YANBU = It's fine to give money to your child for doing chores

OP posts:
RobinHeartella · 28/01/2025 13:46

In particular I'd get him to be responsible for his own stuff as a starting point, rather than dusting the lounge in your example.

Eg build up to him doing his own laundry, folding and putting it away, changing his own bedsheets.

MrsJHernandez · 28/01/2025 13:44

So DH is unhappy to give him money by earning it, but is happy to give him money for doing nothing?! Go figure!

RobinHeartella · 28/01/2025 13:43

I think there's no right or wrong with this but personally I'm with DH.

I personally want our kids (especially son...) to learn to be cooperative in a household and pull their weight. They don't do housework "for you" but because they are a contributing member of the household.

Otherwise, in my view, we wind up with men who do housework "for" their wives, to "help" them, and expect lots of praise/obligation in return.

But this is my personal view, I don't think there's a strict right or wrong here

Printedword · 28/01/2025 13:41

I would only give money for doing something (detest the word and concept 'chores') if it was a situation where older teen wanted part time work but couldn't get any.

Pocket money should be fixed sum but with the option for your child to ask for something they need from time to time and that you pay for obvs stuff like school trips.

Re chores - I don't think it's necessary to allocate chores to non adult members of a household. An attitude of help mum and dad if they ask me to is all you need, plus to teach them how to do stuff for life skills

Beamur · 28/01/2025 13:41

Personally my approach is the same as your DH but I don't think the other way is wrong - either way teaches a slightly different lesson.
I think it depends on what you think would work best for your family. A bit of direct reward for chores can be a marvellous motivator.
This age - cash.
Maybe with a baseline of small expectations for a set amount OR an expectation that you will help when asked (without fuss)

Poppyseeds79 · 28/01/2025 13:39

Well as presumably he'll have to have a job in the future to earn money, then it's not unreasonable to expect him to do things to for it now either.

If you make a rod for your own backs by giving pocket money for no chores. Then you run the risk of him not being helpful at all, and still getting money for it.

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