To tell my good friend her husband is on dating apps!

I would tell her as you don't know how many people will have seen it and be talking behind her back. For example, a teacher colleague I worked with had divorced and went on a dating app and immediately had a dad of one of our pupils come up; we knew the parents were still together. All of us felt awful the following week to see them at parents evening; I don't think they had an open marriage so we all felt sorry for her being blissfully unaware, but obviously none of us could tell her. If my friend knew, I would want to know.

P.s you may put yourself in a worse predicament with your friend though.

It's definitely what I'd be suggesting to her she should do.

Depends how close you are though I guess.

I'd create a fake profile myself and message him. See if he replies and whether the replies sound like him.

That's the only way to know whether it's a fake profile of someone impersonating him. Or it is actually him.

Wouldn't believe for a minute someone claiming a dating profile with their details was fake.

I've had friends who've caught out their OH and they all said its a fake, it's not me, my friend was pranking etc. All lies.

Like PP said no romance scammer is going to be using Steve from Colchester as a profile. Come the fuck on.

I'd be surprised if this wasn't him. If its a scammer then the text will promise wealth, trips abroad etc or simply be an incredibly attractive photo. A scammwr would not normally use the same name as the photo subject.

I had this happen to me. I say my friend down face to face and told her the facts.

It was a difficult and sad conversation which opened the door over the coming weeks and months for her to share with me his abusive behaviour and have someone to talk to because for the first time she didn't have to pretend things were perfect.

Time to put your own squeamushness to one side and avoid the cowardly and disingenuous pretence that you're sure it isn't him.

1 in 4 men on dating apps are in long term relationships. They don't even want to cheat necessarily.

Everyone involved needs to be able to discuss things like adults and I'm shocked at the suggestion you do anything other than kindly and gently share with her what you do know without jumping to any conclusions or fake assumptions. That's what friends are for.

Tell your friend!

You definitely need screenshots. Can you tell the husband? If he doesn’t tell her then you can

There is this two but if the friendship will be ruined I would prefer it happens with my friend knowing the truth that everybody else knows.

I wouldn’t say a thing. It will ruin your friendship either way. I’ve never known the person who spilled the beans to not be scapegoated afterwards.

I would tell the friend but she needs to be smart about it. I would create a profile and arrange to meet this person to see if it was a catfish or actually him.

The amount of people that think it’s fake? Unless he’s George cloony why would someone steal a middle aged man’s pictures??

Cant believe you lot honestly buy the whole it’s a catfish thing…

but yes op to tell your friend

Has your daughter got a screenshot of the profile? If so, yes tell her.

I found out someone I was with was on a dating app and aside from feeling devastated that he was clearly looking elsewhere, I also felt completely and utterly embarrassed that being from the same area meant people who know me will have likely seen him on there. Let her know sooner rather than later, it’s his fault for being both a cheat and a shit cheat at that that hasn’t even bothered to try and hide it.

Yep, it’s the same as husbands getting caught with condoms claiming that they like a “posh wank.” “It’s not mine, someone stole my pictures!” And if they’re smart they’ll only use pictures that are available publicly so that it makes the story more believable. I actually saw a TikTok on this recently, where a wife came on naively saying this had happened to her husband only to be proven wrong immediately.

People do steal pictures for fake profiles but they usually source them from a foreign social media profile (often Instagram). There’s less likelihood of being caught if the owner of the stolen images speaks another language and lives in another country.

Are we really so sure that this sort of thing is a normal scam? And why therefore is it mainly men who have their ID stolen for this purpose. I haven’t heard of those happening to female friends. Call me a cynic but it just seems unlikely to me that anyone would post as Steve from Colchester…. Whereas it’s an easy excuse for those who get caught.

oh dear. Can you be sure of this?!

Most of the apps have was of verifying photos to avoid catfishing

You definitely should tell her. Up to her what she does with the info…

Surely he could just lie and say someone stole the image? I'd have trouble believing him if he claims its not his profile. It's a tricky one. I'd definitely let my friend know. Imagine if she found out you knew and didn't tell her? She'd feel doubly betrayed.

Have you typed his name into Google to see if that photo comes up? . If it does then maybe someone has lifted it off there and using it in the dating site.
Either way I’d be telling your friend. If it was me I’d want to know no matter what the reason.

"Hi Jenny, I think someone's made a fake profile using Dave's photo on X app. DD came across it it on there! If he contacts them, they will remove it for him, BerryMummyPudding x insert screenshot "

Romance scammers do this all the time

I would tell her, with evidence (screenshots).

Tell him to tell her. If he doesn't, you tell her.

Not an easy one.

If she's a close friend I would tell her. You'd want a friend to tell you, wouldn't you? If it's a fake profile, he can take action. If it's not, it's up to her what she does with the information.