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Original poster

To tell my good friend her husband is on dating apps!

123 replies

BerryMummypudding · 28/01/2025 13:33

My eldest daughter is on dating apps. (She's 25)
She came
To me last night to tell me that my good friends husband has a profile on one of the apps.

I've known the friend for about 30 years. I knew her husband first we went to school together.

In his profile he said he's 10 years younger than he is really and he is looking for younger women. As young as 20.

(His daughter is 22 and son is 29)

I want to tell friend but I don't want to break her heart. She's going to be so hurt. I'm so hurt for her.
What words do I even use!

Is it possible it's not him and someone using his picture. It looks like a professional head shot. (He's a professional man) I say this as the age was incorrect.

Looking all advice please.

OP posts:
GrumblingRose · 29/01/2025 09:02

Can't you say something to him instead ?

Nevervisible · 29/01/2025 08:28

Well done OP.

It must have been a hard conversation but you have been a good friend to her.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/01/2025 08:25

If a good friend and you have screen shots you must tell her

Twixtmasjigsaw · 29/01/2025 08:00

Tell her. But before she confronts him, tell her to get all her financial ducks in a row just in case. (Evidence of savings, investments etc.) My friend's husband went to ridiculous lengths to hide his assets and screw her over, leaving her with the bare minimum of child support. She can barely afford to get her haircut these days....

Yogaatsunrise · 29/01/2025 07:30

The chances of it being fake are nil.
It can’t have been an easy conversation, but after thirty years of friendship it is best coming from you, someone she trusts and knows has her back.

I imagine her life is about to unravel now, and your listening ear might be needed in the future. These men are such idiots, so much to lose for a cheap thrill.

AScoundrel · 29/01/2025 07:18

You’ve done the right thing OP and hopefully (though doubtfully) it’s a fake account.

Original poster
BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 07:14

Went to running club last night and took friend for a coffee after. I told her what daughter had found and showed her the screenshots of the profile.

She said he has 2
Phones. One for work and one for personal use. She's gutted. He works in a responsible and professional roll and she thinks this puts is career at risk too. (I'm not sure how but I was trying to be a listener)

She said he charges both phones in his home office so she's going to try and look at them. I never once mentioned fake account but she did and she jumped on the age thing too. I gave all the reasons u guys said above eg. If it was fake it would be more flamboyant.

I told her to have a look at the phones before she confronts him. She said she hasn't seen any unusual payments out of their account so he must have a different bank account too.

OP posts:
Painauraison · 29/01/2025 07:01

I agree to try and get some screenshot but then go and meet your friend for coffee and handle it carefully. It won't be easy but I'd want to know, wouldn't you?

MayaPinion · 29/01/2025 06:59

‘Hi Janice, Rose found these photos (add screenshots) of Bob on Tinder. We’re pretty certain they’re fakes but thought you should let him know so he can get them taken down.’

That way you haven’t accused anyone of anything and you have let her know that a dating profile with his picture on it exists - which you should always do, as a friend. I’d be devastated to know that a friend of mine knew about my partner’s infidelity and didn’t well me. It also gives them the opportunity to save face if it is him but she already knows or they want to stay together.

Alsonification · 29/01/2025 06:49

I'd also try to send the above when I have a reasonable idea that she's at home & not in the middle of work/party/socialising etc.

Alsonification · 29/01/2025 06:48

I'd tell her but maybe not in person so as to save her embarrassment.

I'd send a screenshot of the profile & say something like;

"Hi friend. Dd came across this on X dating app. Not sure if it's real or fake but letting u know so u can decide what to do with it. I'm here if u need me or we need never talk about it again. Whatever u want. Luv u"

jeaux90 · 29/01/2025 06:37

How did it go OP? I've been scammed a couple of times by fake profiles so not beyond the possibility it's fake.

Yogaatsunrise · 29/01/2025 06:11

ThisFluentBiscuit · 29/01/2025 04:02

Unlikely to be fake, but I'd stay out of it. You have no idea what goes on in other people's marriages, and you're playing God with other people's futures.

Playing God? She is being a decent friend. I would hate to be the last to know, and I would be very upset with my friends if they kept me in the dark about something so important, I would never forgive them.

I can only imagine you are up to no good, and encourage people to collude with your dishonesty, it is not cool on here, or otherwise.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 29/01/2025 04:02

Unlikely to be fake, but I'd stay out of it. You have no idea what goes on in other people's marriages, and you're playing God with other people's futures.

Berlinlover · 29/01/2025 02:24

Fake profile my arse. I can’t believe all the naive women on here. Personally I’d keep out of it, most women don’t appreciate being told they’re married to a cheat.

ShouldIEvenBother · 29/01/2025 02:10

Dating apps are essentially catalogues of married and partnered men looking for sex with different women. These men think they are entitled to women much, much younger than them. At home they may or may not play the doting husband "not my Jimmy!", or be a blatant arsehole. Either way, I would tell her, personally.

The chance that he's had his identity stolen versus he's a shitbag cheat... Slimmer than the eye of a needle I'm afraid.

Katie323 · 29/01/2025 01:45

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 01:34

Apparently.

I had no clue this happened and it's actually really sad.

Why would someone choose some average looking guy as bait?

Show quote history

They dont lol. The men are lying and the women are believing it. You are right, quite sad really.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 01:34

HappyWhenItsSnowing · 29/01/2025 01:23

Do women really believe ‘Its a fake profile, its not mine’

Ok 🤯

Apparently.

I had no clue this happened and it's actually really sad.

Why would someone choose some average looking guy as bait?

HappyWhenItsSnowing · 29/01/2025 01:23

Do women really believe ‘Its a fake profile, its not mine’

Ok 🤯

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 01:23

thecatneuterer · 29/01/2025 01:05

Surely a fake profile for scam purposes would have a much broader/older age range. Many more middle aged women than young ones are likely to be interested in the profile of a middle aged man.

This too.

They aren't going to pose as a middle aged man wanting young women.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 01:22

Sparrow7 · 28/01/2025 13:37

We had this recently and it was someone making a fake account using DHs details and photos from his business website. No idea why? Friend who noticed called to tell me straight away, you should do the same.

Can you tell me how you found out it was fake?

I remember many married men being on dating apps.

And fake profiles are usually models and actors.

Not random men.

thecatneuterer · 29/01/2025 01:05

Surely a fake profile for scam purposes would have a much broader/older age range. Many more middle aged women than young ones are likely to be interested in the profile of a middle aged man.

Katie323 · 29/01/2025 00:39

Not a chance in a million years would i ever believe it was a fake profile. If i was your friend i hope someone who was my friend for 30 years would instantly tell me.

suburberphobe · 29/01/2025 00:24

I would call him.

Why?

Give him time to concoct a story?

NachoChip · 29/01/2025 00:21

Tell her...don't let her be the last to know. Who knows who else could see it and she'll be humiliated the more who do. If she finds out you knew and didn't share she'd be even more hurt.