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AIBU?

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Original poster

Photo Sharing between Parents

37 replies

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 13:20

it is my little girls 1st birthday coming up and I had her a cake smash done for her birthday (same as i did for my son) - the kids dad and I separated 7 months ago - the cake smash wasn’t cheap and whilst I am happy to pay for this as I did with my son, the kids dad is now expecting that he’ll receive access to the images… I think firstly the demand has frustrated me but also I feel reluctant to just send over photos for him and his family to use as their own and post everywhere (which isn’t what I want to do with them) - we do have a fairly reasonable co-parenting situation ongoing and I don’t want to disturb this but I also don’t feel like this should just be a given when I’m the one who’s organised and paid for the experience as a keep sake for me - any advise/am I being silly on this?

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 28/01/2025 17:32

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

Could you say you purchased a print, not digital, and he is welcome to do the same or half for the digital copies?

Original poster
thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 28/01/2025 14:08

Actually I don't think YABU. If you paid for your DS's, ask him to pay for DD's.

Tisthedamnseason · 28/01/2025 14:07

I think there'll be times in the future he will have pictures that you'd like to have, so I wouldn't go down this road.

StampOnTheGround · 28/01/2025 13:57

Yes he should have the images, it's his kid too. Imagine he takes her on holiday in the future but refuses to send you any pictures, that would be ridiculous.

Ablondiebutagoody · 28/01/2025 13:52

You are being very petty. What happens if/when he takes DC for a day out or on holiday? You wouldn't want to see photos of that because you didn't pay for it?

Like PP mentioned, we have a WhatsApp group that either parent, grand parents, whoever post stuff too so everyone can see what DS has been up to. Nobody gets weird about who paid for the activity ffs.

HPandthelastwish · 28/01/2025 13:49

Just set up a WhatsApp with just photos that you can both put cute photos in when the child is with the other parent.

You don't need to send the professional ones, BUT I used to get them printed and the school ones when older and frame them in a cheap frame and it always made a good Fathers day / birthday gift / Christmas gift for her grandparents. It was pretty much the very least I could do without doing nothing.

comedycentral · 28/01/2025 13:47

I would share the photos, there will be things you might want access to in the future that he's paying for, you have a long 17+ years ahead of you if you are both keeping score.

Chiseltip · 28/01/2025 13:45

🙄

OP, kindly, don't be THAT person. Your child is the important person here, not you, if you go down this route you will only get pettier and pettier, and it's your child who will suffer.

You chose to have a child with this man, you are the adult, you have to act like one.

This is about your child growing up with two loving parents.

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 28/01/2025 13:35

If things are generally going well I would send one pic, not necessarily the one you plan to use for your own birthday post.

HeathenTime · 28/01/2025 13:27

Just send him 1 photo.

ItGhoul · 28/01/2025 13:27

Personally I think you are being a bit petty about this. It's his child and it seems a bit mean to me to say he can't have access to photos of her that you would have paid for anyway whether you shared them with him or not.