Photo Sharing between Parents

maybe in future you could consider re wording your comments instead of outright calling people petty you could say ‘have you thought about it from another point of view?’

If you think petty is too strong a word, you are in for a tough ride on this forum 😂

and in life in general

But there isn't really a word other than petty to describe your thinking.

Did you read some of Mumsnet before you posted? It's a very blunt place. Sometimes people do cross a line, but that's not really happened here. People are just saying how this thing comes across.

You posted on a public forum, you don’t get to police the responses.

I would give him printed rather than digital copies, so he can have see them, show to family, but not share on social media. That way he is getting to enjoy seeing the pictures but you can stop them being all over the Internet. Cake smash photos are often done with limited clothes on, and I wouldnt want photos of my baby with not much on being shared widely with strangers.

I don't think it's petty. I understand your frustration.
But then I'm divorced myself and it's sometimes death by a thousand cuts. Little instances here and there of when you go the extra mile and he doesn't.
I think people have missed the fact you were going to gift him a photo.
But he's asked for them sending - without any acknowledgement of the time or the money involved.
You feel taken advantage of.
I hear you OP and I get it.

But - give him a photo. Let your annoyance simmer down. There's every chance he's just thoughtlessly not thought about the costs iyswim. (Cos that's what my ex would do.)
Have a conversation about where the dividing line is on things you each do and how much ownership the other has. But in 6 months time not now!

💐💐💐💐

Well , I hope I don’t hurt your feelings but you asked if you were being silly . Yes. You are .

Reading between the lines:

"You all need to be much kinder to me, my controlling ex has pissed me off so I'm retaliating by being equally controlling and you mumsnetters need to spend more time pussyfooting in your replies so you aren't hurting my feelings!"

All I can envisage is when he meets his next partner and things have gone a bit sour with the coparenting, and you get all these “wonderful dads who aren’t being given a chance by evil mothers”. He’ll be there saying “she wouldn’t even send me a photo from my babies 1st birthday”. Without all the context.
As another poster said, pick your battles.

My ex and I have always shared photos. He often sends me the money for all the cost.

Have you thought about it from this perspective?

The fact that you think it's reasonable to withhold pictures of the children because your ex is controlling, shows that you'd use the children to punish your ex. It makes sense to divert communication through someone or something else so he can't control you, it doesn't make sense to stop him seeing the pictures to punish him for not treating you right. That's you saying that he can only have full access to the children if he stays in your good books and he doesn't deserve it otherwise.

It is petty and it's the type of mentality that leads to.parrntal alienation..

Prepare to feel queasy and/or completely baffled....

"Originating in Australia, a cake smash has become an ideal way to mark a baby's first birthday, and get some pretty incredible portraits at the same time. The premise is simple, make or purchase a cake, and give it to your pride and joy to do whatever they like with it (here's a clue, they usually smash it)."

It is petty though

You're so petty. What a waste of energy

Your child will pick up on this as they grow up and it won't be nice, they will always remember it

Try and let it go so your child doesn't feel tension, pettiness and a divide over money

Oh my goodness that's so cruel you won't even let him have ONE? Of his daughter?? Do you want him to be involved in his kids life or not? You split when she was what 5 months? It's going to take real effort to make sure you both are there for her.

None of the above applies if he was an abusive dick

Threecraws · Today 19:44

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 19:34
Ok I’ll admit it - have no idea what a cake smash is!

Photos of a baby smashing up a cake”

Hmm. Ok. Seems rather wasteful unless the mush is eaten?
(How do you then dissuade the baby from smashing up other things?)

Photos of a baby smashing up a cake

What's better for your daughter - parents who squabble over photos, or parents who don't squabble over photos?

Ok I’ll admit it - have no idea what a cake smash is!

It doesn’t take anything away from you financially to share them - he and his family just want copies of a nice memory of your child. I don’t think this worth fighting over and is going into potential tit for tat territory with future risks if you make a big deal over this and then want something from him. If you co-parent well then don’t rock the boat, just share the digitals with him and if he wants anything to be printed then he can bear the cost. Not sure I get the point about framing one and giving it to him as a gift - unless you mean a gift from the baby to him? In which case suggest that plan.

You’re being really petty, whether it was a paid for photo or not it doesn’t matter.

Think of the future, what if his family get an amazing photo of her on a day out somewhere that cost them money. You’ll miss out on that photographed memory of her if they play your game.

Would you have been happy for him to have his own cake smash, possibly before yours or would you have felt that would have ruined the specialness of yours? I think if you would not have been happy with him doing his own then you should share the photos. Actually i think you should share the photos anyway as it might end up in a tit for tat later with him later.

If you didn't want him to have any and weren't planning on posting them anywhere you probably shouldn't have told him about it.

If he was getting special photos done and told you all about them I'm sure you would want some too.

The thing with coparenting is choosing your battles, and this really isnt a battle worth having in an otherwise good relationship. I would just give him a couple of prints (or get one printed on a cup and then it can't really be shared) and tell him you don't want them online, and then keep anything special to yourself in future if you don't want him to have a part of it.

I wouldn't share them either OP, if they were meant as private keepsakes for you and you don't want them plastered over social media.

Can't you send him the proofs and tell him how to go about ordering the ones he wants? Or if it's cheaper to order together, send a price list and ask him what he would like you to order on his behalf?