To think my friend is taking advantage?

I’d invite her over much less and stop buying things for her at the shops.

Suggest a local coffee shop.. Get there early and have already got your coffee ordered before she arrives... No pressure for you to buy hers then...
If she asks you to pick things up tell her you forgot your bank card...
I had a similar friend. Happy for me to pay. Every time. Used to bring up her banking app as we sat down pleading poverty.. Until the day she rocked up in a Mercedes convertible.. Private plate Did i feel fucking used? ...... Definitely..

If you don't want her coming to your house then ask to go to hers, if you want her to bring things with her when she comes to yours then ask her. If you don't won't to babysit for her or pick up her shops then don't.

It's silly to be doing all those things when you don't want to but if you don't say anything and car Ty in then nothing will change.

I think it's relatively easy to pull back a little in these situations. If she says she wants to come to yours because it's "easier" for her, you just lightly say, "sorry, but it's not for me this time - let's meet at the coffee shop" or whatever. or just pre-empt the whole thing by suggesting meeting at x place.

Shopping is harder but I'd be inclined to simply not tell her when you're out and about so she can't ask. Definitely don't offer.

If she wants to drop her DC - you need to say no. Does she tell you in advance or just turn up? If she turns up "sorry, we're just heading out - you should have let me know in advance" and if she calls/texts - just say no.

I know it's hard but people who take the piss are really annoying.

YANBU. It's not your job to make her life easier. I work part time too, and my house is too small to reciprocate play dates (DC in box room, my office closed in Covid & didn't reopen so I work from the living room). In her shoes I'd be bringing food and offering to pay for everyone at soft play every now and then (assuming that the issue isn't money, soft play is expensive in fairness but she could bring along pizza or fruit or biscuits - if we're asked over more than once I always ask if I can bring along any food and if they say no I bring along a treat anyway). You're busy too!

Have I read this exact same (or really similar) post before??
I’m feeling major deja vu but its possible there’s just lots of really selfish friends out there. 🤷‍♀️

Stop doing it all then.

Interesting that you don't want to make things harder for her, but you're making them harder for yourself.

Just start pushing back. Tell her you'll come to hers this time, tell her sorry you're on a tight budget today etc.

Re the shopping. If you do get her anything, ask to pay separately, get a separate receipt and give it to her alongside her shopping so she knows you expect to be paid for it. Chase up if necessary

Exactly. The only behaviour you can change here is your own, OP. She can’t eat your biscuits or get free groceries from you without your say so. If you don’t want to do these things, just stop. If you always agree to host her or buy her things, she has no reason to think there’s a problem, until you tell her otherwise.

She knows what she's doing.
I bet you start pushiback you won't see her for dust.
Which isn't a bad thing.
Listen to your dh,sounds like he's the measure of her.

She's taking advantage of you and is clearly a user. Friends don't behave this way. I would distance yourself.

Yes don’t tell her when you are going to the shops. If you’re there when she messages ‘sorry too late, just home’.
next time she tries to come over say there’s an issue with your loo, water, heating’ when the weather improves move meet ups to outside somewhere as you want to get out more.

i had a friend of a friend who tried this. Friend moved away. She frequently picked up this woman’s kid and drove her about, she thought I would just pick this up.
our kids were friends but we weren’t so she didn’t know that much about me, just that I had a car and more money than her. She kept ringing me at work for lifts or to get stuff for her and then would ask if DH was free ? All the time.
She also used fo message me at 2.55 to pick up her DD as she was stuck in town, at doctors etc and then leaving her at mine for hours. My work hours changed though and she tried it on and DD was going to the childminders and tried to make the CM to take her as a play date. Turned out she was lying and in her house anyway so came to get her. Then lockdown happened so it stopped thank goodness.

Yes, she is taking advantage, but you’re letting her. If she wants to come over , ask her to bring a cake over. Don’t buy stuff for her. If she grumbles, be honest and say you haven’t had the money from last time.

You could arrange the meet up at your house and tell her to bring biscuits snacks or whatever when she is on her.way. Tell her you can't get out as issue with car, sore foot/knee or something.

If meeting in coffee shop as suggested get there early and have ordered and paid for yours. When she goes to get her coffee tell her you fancy a scone or bun while she is up there.

Drop in in conversation you're feeling the pinch this month for xyz reason...eg new washing machine, car trouble. Let her know she isn't the only one having to pay her way.

When she comes to your house, just say next time we will meet at yours.. If she suggests what to bring/ eat, halve it and say eg smile and say great i will bring the biscuits if you do the scones. Say it like it a decision already made , so with conviction.

Some people lose their gratitude when favours are done regularly and they become totally accustomed to it. It’s almost as if they are in their own households and expect you to share responsibilities with them: that’s what she’s doing. You’ll feed her, get her shopping, offer childcare at the drop of a hat and it’s all expected that it will be done willingly. Well, you’re a friend not a partner so the boundaries need to be reintroduced. Also, the thing with a coffee shop is that it’ll cost you more and you’ll need to travel to it. Better to ask her to bring something to share. Or, if she’s too selfish to even do that, ask her round after you’ve had your own lunch!

Your DH is right.

Stop having her over so much. Or say 'actually can we come to yours this time' and proceed to ask for drinks and snacks while you're there.

Don't tell her when you're going shopping.

Stop providing food for her when she comes to your house or better still stop inviting her unless she reciprocates. If she requests something at the shops ask for the money up front.

She is taking the piss so I would not be fussed about losing her as a friend.

Could she be struggling with money?

Also don't feel the need to read texts as soon as they come in. There's people whose texts I don't open, knowing it'll be an unwanted ask...

"Sorry - just got this" three hours later does the job.

If she asks you to pick up something for her, tell her you’ve already done your shopping.

I hope the advice you’ve had here works out for you but I’ve met people like her before and think you should prepare yourself to be dropped. Yes, you can arrange to meet at a coffee shop. Don’t be surprised if you end up paying because she hasn’t enough money that time, will reciprocate next time - on repeat.

What might make saying no easier for you is to have a good think about whether she really is unaware of what she is doing. How can she not know you never visit her, that she never minds your child or buys you groceries? She knows and is taking the piss. It’s kind of you to wonder if she is short on cash but unless you are philanthropist level wealthy, it’s not your problem

Theres a way to honour this dilemma. Someone up above is nudging you to be benevolent. If your friend is genuinely not in need but just forgetful, I should buy those goodies from the supermarket and donate to a charity case on the way home. And what or whom is forcing you to cook lunch. Eat before guests arrive or put them off till youve eaten , its not rocket science. If Im honest I believe you are being manipulated. Its a form of Brainwashing- you only realise ' after the person has left' but you need to be on your guard against this because it can escalate. Lock up your buscuits.