Blended family and wills

Let's imagine that you and your husband split up and he moves on to the fourth mother of his children. Presumably your child getting less that baby number 4 would seem unfair?

It seems your dh moves on every 8 to 9 years and doesn't form positive relationships, after separation, with his Ex wives or children.

I say this not to be mean but to flag that past behaviour is often an indication of future behaviour. Don't make yourself financially vulnerable, even though you may now be in a positive relationship.

If he is older he should have life insurance to protect his children until they are young adults. Don't rely on the business as it takes a long time to wind up a business, sell assets etc. If he is heavily involved in the business it may not thrive without him at the helm.

Get yourself a pension, whatever happens you need a pension and investments in your own name.

I agree with others split should be equitable as a life insurance policy will resolve any day to day costs your son (and 8 year) will have.

I agree with @IndiraCharcoal although presumably your home is jointly owned so you'll need to have a life interest in his share so you wouldn't need to immediately sell it.

DH and I both have life insurance that would help the surviving spouse pay for our children's expenses, that's why we took it out.

Your own will should leave everything to your son only. It's naive to think that anything you leave your DH to pass on to your son won't be split 3 ways amongst all his children, or potentially to any future wife and then away from his children altogether.

You want your child to benefit? You leave your money directly to them, with trustees if necessary.

When you refer to the 'normal' way of leaving assets you are really referring to the situation where there are not other dc scattered about from previous relationships.

Once you are in blended families the normal thing to do is quite different. And this is something anyone getting into a relationship with someone who already has children needs to understand.

You married someone with existing responsibilities and emotional connections to.

Equally equally equally.

No ifs and buts, he’s got three children so should split it between them equally and not favour one over the others, regardless of what you say.

He should have insurance in the event of his death to support his younger children.

I also agree with the posts by

@Onedaynotyet
@Huskytrot

as your DH sounds like he’s got form for having kids with different women. You’ll be changing your tune in a few years if he moves on to the next and the new wife says @Notsurewhatimdoing100 child will be ok, she can will leave her estate to them so you should leave more to me and our child. You wouldn’t like that and rightly so.

Exactly this! Let’s hope OP doesn’t have to return to Mumsnet with a different problem in a few years…

By the sounds of things he will probably have had several other partners and children by then.
Possibly think about getting him to have a vasectomy first if you want your child to inherit.

I understand, I really do. I don't actually think your OP reads like you're trying to be mean or grabby - just that you're exhausted by the situation you live in and you want to make sure your own child is put first - rightly or wrongly, it isn't for me to say.

My situation isn't as complicated as yours, because there is just one ex and my husband and I have been together a very long time... but it has had it's fair share of discord and it can leave you feeling wild, unsure and determined to pull up the drawbridge.

If you haven't already done so, there is a book by Wednesday Martin called Stepmonster which delves into the feelings that surround sharing resources with your SC; who are essentially another woman's offspring, right there in your nest. It's really good and I would totally recommend it. (There is an audio version available on Spotify, but fair warning... you might find yourself shouting "I KNEW IT!" into thin air quite a lot!)

Of course, you asked about wills and I hope I'm not overstepping when I point out that it is clearly part of a wider issue that a book can help you address!

Regarding the money itself...

Give your son opportunities, teach him the value of hard work, make sure he has the tools to look after himself, and he won't "need" anything else from you. That is far more valuable than an extra 25% of anything. Give him the whole world and then let the inheritance be exactly what it is... "just money".

My immediately family have suffered through 2 x disputed wills after older relatives have died. The stress for those left behind far outweighs the value of the extra gold. So, do everyone a favour and get something fair and equitable hammered out in a lifetime interest trust will. They cost slightly more to create than a bog-standard joint or mirror will but the co-op are great and you can do it all from home over the phone / email. Once it's done, you won't really think of it again, but you will be grateful that you have something to protect you all.

You don't know if the other kids will inherit from their mothers.
You don't know if your husband will leave anything?
Care home fees ?
You can leave your share to your husband he can say he will leave it to your son then change his mind.
Either of you could have more children.
The current arrangement seems unfair to his first two children.
Your husband has three children.

This.

The chances of you inheriting anything from him are slim, you'll likely divorce not be widowed.

Make your financial plans with that in mind.

This

I find your decision to disinherit his other children from the family home shocking.

You cannot possibly rely on their mother. Anything could happen.

I'm a step-mum to two older children as well, with one shared child with husband.
My half of the assets go to our shared child, his half is split 3-ways. The house comes to me if he goes first, and my half of the property will go to our shared child, and DH's half again split 3 ways.

Life insurance is being split 3 ways between the children (i don't have any need for it), and that's about it i think
you are being massively unfair to think your child should have the house, plus a bigger %. As the house goes to you upon DH's death, really it should be half to your child and half split between SC, not all to your child.

Or maybe just his new shiny fourth wife and child, as OP is proposing for herself

I think there’s some complexities here you should consider regarding inheritance tax on property vs. assets.

Leaving the house all to your son could massively increase his tax free take home compared to your partners children.

Additionally if you’re worried about your son whilst he’s young just take out a separate life insurance in trust for that. Thats easily solved.

Would it be fairer, if the circumstance were that your husband dies before you, that you should have the right to reside in the house until your death and only then will the house be inherited split 3 ways equally between the children?

A decent solicitor could advise you properly.

I just wonder whether you're trying to achieve too much here. At the moment there's a big difference between your son and your DH's other children. In 10 - 15 years' time their needs will be much more similar and what's fair might look very different. You might be better served to make wills that reflect the situation now, and to revisit them regularly.

That is sad he doesn't have a very good relationship with his siblings. We still saw my SC regulary even when they were teenagers.

I understand with your child only being tiny that it’s going to take a lot more money to raise him if your oh was to pass soon. A life insurance policy to cover this would probably be best. Is 25% going to be enough to keep you and possibly your child? Are you planning any more children?
He definitely shouldn’t leave his other child less than, but it should be the same disposable percentage when they are adults, and the money to raise them to that point should be treated differently .

Mother bear mode often kicks in when she has a sneaking suspicion father bear can't be relied upon.

You're right. But one should be a warning and you should be aware of it, two is becoming a pattern though...

I wonder if he promised the house to each of his children's mothers in turn, and then moved on? That might explain her being 'difficult'.

But your son will inherit from his mum. So each child of your husband should get an equal share