Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay this much for a hen do

168 replies

Brooomhilda · 28/01/2025 10:29

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 28/01/2025 12:47

just decline the invitation

no need to pay to watch others get drunk on cocktails

Delatron · 28/01/2025 12:44

I think we need to know - is it full catering company (and it may be with that many people)? With a cocktail bar, staff etc. Or are they buying it all from the supermarket and doing it themselves?

If it is the first then £50 is ok. You make a call on whether you’d enjoy the night and yes you won’t get as good value for money as others but you still need to cover the costs catering, staff and a gift. Or you opt out.

RatalieTatalie · 28/01/2025 12:41

I'd definitely moan to myself about that amount to (not be able to) have a few drinks at my friends house. So I dont think YABU. But I'd probably just pay it tbh.

sweetpickle2 · 28/01/2025 12:36

owlexpress · 28/01/2025 12:36

Thinking of it as £50 for cocktails you can't drink is oversimplifying it. Do you like this girl enough to contribute £50 to throwing her a good hen? I assume so. Now, is it worth the hassle/potential fall out to haggle over £15/20?

This, basically.

sweetpickle2 · 28/01/2025 12:36

Now you've posted the full amount of people and price, it actually seems more reasonable to me- £1500 quid for 31 people would probably get you some nice catering and maybe even a cocktail bar, some entertainment, gifts etc. It would certainly get you more for less than doing the equivalent at an external venue.

I might ask what it included but ultimately I'd probably just pay up.

owlexpress · 28/01/2025 12:36

Thinking of it as £50 for cocktails you can't drink is oversimplifying it. Do you like this girl enough to contribute £50 to throwing her a good hen? I assume so. Now, is it worth the hassle/potential fall out to haggle over £15/20?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/01/2025 12:32

sweetpickle2 · 28/01/2025 10:45

£50 for drinks in someone's house is outrageous, however I can't imagine any hen do that would cost much less these days. I'd probably just pay up and be grateful it's not some several hundred quid abroad affair.

Yes you won't be drinking but the money covers more than booze I assume.

Edited

Agreed. How many people are going? It's extortionate

Crazybaby123 · 28/01/2025 12:29

Have they got some surprises, decorations, bespoke cupcakes, catered food like a comoany that does grazing boards, games, or eve one of those people that come to your house and do it all for you etc that the funds are contributing to? Maybe ask and say you arent drinking but happy to contribute to the other costs. Although, when I have been on hen dos costs also cover the brides drinks.

Delatron · 28/01/2025 12:27

Or I’d just not go and arrange afternoon tea or something you could enjoy with the hen. A cocktail party as a hen do wouldn’t be that much fun if you’re pregnant.

Motnight · 28/01/2025 12:26

BlondeMamaToBe · 28/01/2025 10:50

I would just pay it. There will be none alcoholic drinks too, you can have mocktails and then there’s the food/snacks.

£50 for a hen is a bargain.

£50 to drink alcohol at someone's house is not a bargain though.

TammyJones · 28/01/2025 12:26

Notgivenuphope · 28/01/2025 10:36

Sorry folks, I can’t really justify the £50 a I am unable to join in due to my pregnancy -looking forward to seeing you at the wedding! Have a great night all

This would be my answer.

JC03745 · 28/01/2025 12:26

Its not just the drinks you can't have, but lots of the soft cheese, canapes, deli meats which will be sitting out all day!

Even if each person drank an entire bottle of vodka, that is still alot per head for a house party! Yes, cheaper than a hens abroad, but its not- its at home!

peachystormy · 28/01/2025 12:25

Gall10 · 28/01/2025 11:00

Pay the money
eat as much as you can
take a Tupperware box with you and cram £40 worth of food to take home!

Cringey

Delatron · 28/01/2025 12:25

I think I’d want a breakdown of what that’s covering as it’s steep for a house party. If it includes a contribution for a gift, entertainment and then food. Maybe around £30 would be ok. But if the majority is covering expensive cocktails that you can’t drink..

vandel · 28/01/2025 12:22

I think I'd be jokey about it (but prepared to pay full whack anyway) with something like "Looking forward to the hens on x date. Hey is there any discount for preggers and TTs at all lol"

user2848502016 · 28/01/2025 12:19

Ask if you can just contribute to food instead and you could bring your own soft drinks?

Viviennemary · 28/01/2025 12:16

Cheeky when its at somebody's house. A nice little earner for them. Don't go if you think it's too dear.

MimiSunshine · 28/01/2025 12:14

heroinechic · 28/01/2025 11:44

@MimiSunshine there'll always be some element of subsiding though won't there? Some people will drink a lot, some not at all. Some will eat a lot etc. I don't think it works to just come up with some arbitrary amount that you'll pay. She'd need an itemised bill to take into account of all the elements she's paying for and that sounds like too much of a faff for me!

Yes but the difference is that those people who drink less cocktails are still drinking the cocktails.

if the OP turns up and there isn’t even one drink she can have other than maybe a glass of lemonade then I do think that’s a pistake.
its not even clear if the organisers have hired a mobile bar and waiter or are just planning on buying loads of booze and following some recipes.

Snowmanscarf · 28/01/2025 12:06

Brooomhilda · 28/01/2025 11:48

I've just had a look and there are 31 people on the group chat. So 31 x £50 = £1,550. I suppose that's probably not that much if they're getting a bar and some entertainment?

That’s a large hen party! At least she’s not expecting people to fork out £££ To go abroad.

GreekSun · 28/01/2025 12:05

I'd say £50 for a hen do is a bargain tbh

SingingSands · 28/01/2025 11:48

BlondeMamaToBe · 28/01/2025 10:50

I would just pay it. There will be none alcoholic drinks too, you can have mocktails and then there’s the food/snacks.

£50 for a hen is a bargain.

Be careful OP!

My friend is going on a hen so and was asked to pay £60 towards cocktails and food. Turns out there wasn't even a bottle of lemonade on the drinks list! And the food was a lot of fancy cheeses, which she also couldn't eat.

I'd message back and say you won't be able to contribute towards alcohol so you will bring some nice non-alcoholic drinks (but watch out as others may drink them!) and ask if £20 towards food is ok - but even £20 for presumably nibbles is a lot!

Original poster
Brooomhilda · 28/01/2025 11:48

I've just had a look and there are 31 people on the group chat. So 31 x £50 = £1,550. I suppose that's probably not that much if they're getting a bar and some entertainment?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 28/01/2025 11:46

Just ask. I doubt the £50 is just food and drinks .. probably games on there, maybe something for the bride, things like sashes, or crowns or other stuff people have at Hen’s etc etc

Original poster
Brooomhilda · 28/01/2025 11:44

heroinechic · 28/01/2025 10:54

My guess is they have just totted everything up and divided it equally so if you ask for a discount everyone else will pay more. You probably won't be the only one not drinking, or at least, the only one not drinking a lot. I imagine the budget doesn't relate only to alcohol but also to food, decorations, games, any entertainment etc.

It does sound steep for a house party but then again it's cheap for a hen do!

Yes, that's why I feel stingy asking for a discount because it might also include gifts or entertainment, like you say, which I will be equally part of.

OP posts:
heroinechic · 28/01/2025 11:44

@MimiSunshine there'll always be some element of subsiding though won't there? Some people will drink a lot, some not at all. Some will eat a lot etc. I don't think it works to just come up with some arbitrary amount that you'll pay. She'd need an itemised bill to take into account of all the elements she's paying for and that sounds like too much of a faff for me!