To be so angry sorting out my parents stuff

My parent has a 4 bed house stuffed to the max with crap. A single person with at least 50 individual plates, cups etc. They have an attic, 4 massive wardrobes full and a garage and shed piled up. Then there are the mountain of papers.

Every time I speak to them and they tell me they’re bored I suggest they declutter. They start, then tell me they can’t get rid of anything as “it’s too good to let go”.

It’s ridiculous.

Yes, collectibles are heartbreaking. A relative of mine had spent a fortune on Lladro that ended up being worth a fraction of its cost as it's so out of fashion. They'd have been so sad if they knew, as they really thought it was a nest-egg for us.

Did you see the difference in how they treated their children?

There was a post yesterday about house clearing and a repeat what I said then. All ‘elderly’ couples should declutter substantially while they are fit enough to do it rather than leave it to the kids. if that is you DO IT NOW.
Re the Lego… I got £350 last year by selling an 80’s space rail set. It was in the original box and intact. Downside it took a week to build so I could take photos.
I did the ‘clearing mums house stuff’ last year. Fortunately just a small 1 bed place but still not easy on several levels.

Agree - I was at university around the same time but a couple of years later: the maximum grant (it was being phased out) was about £1.5k a year; max student loan was approx. £1.5k a year, and they recommended a bare minimum of 4.5k a year to live on, so you or your parents needed to stump up at least £1.5k just for basic no-frills living costs. But it wasn’t at all easy for a student to earn that amount of money then! It was pre zero hours contracts and pre minimum wage, so you were looking at casual bar/waitressing work or retail, a few hours or in vacations only, mainly cash in hand, and they could quite legally pay you absolute bobbins. In my first job as a student, aged 18, mid-90s, I got paid £1.88 an hour for waitressing and that was perfectly legal.

So no, it was not easy to fund it yourself by working - not at all. I do hate these very self-righteous posts by people who either didn’t really do it or who have conveniently forgotten the actual costs and realities in the mists of time.

That part made me laugh too

😆

Getting a skip might be therapeutic.

Our inlaws are the same. Given a whopping house deposit lump sum by their parents, who also paid for the renovations. They are wealthy but told us don’t expect us to help you. We didn’t and we don’t because we know they are selfish.

Oh God, the decorative plate collections - not fit for food use, only good for looking at and chipped around the edges by those damaging, spring plate hangers

Dogs, cats, seasons, calendars, wildlife of different countries - the owners of these things were gulled into spending a fucking fortune on a subscription for plates which couldn't be used as plates

Now available for about £1 or £2.50 in a charity shop near you, sometimes in their original packaging

That’s so sad 😞

Those figures are stuck in my head for some reason - can't remember my own pin number but can remember that! Probably because I spent so much of those years worrying about money!

This is also very much what I remember, though I'm slightly amazed you can remember the exact figures.
I also remember uni halls being 550 per term part-catered. So once you'd paid for a roof over your head and 2 meals a day during term you had essentially nothing left for the remaining food, clothes, textbooks, transport or supporting yourself outside uni terms.
My parents seemed to think they were doing me a huge favour by matching what would have been provided by the state as a matter of course if they hadn't been extremely comfortably off.
I worked supermarket jobs, then in due course got something in one of the uni labs. DP worked in pubs and nursing homes. All badly paid, exploitative. No minimum wage in those days, and in our part of the country you were lucky to get more than £2.50 per hour.

@Namechangefordaughterevasion

The worst thing was that she seemed to think it was a privilege to do this - on a par with looting Tutankhamon's tomb.
😆

That sounds tough but there's nothing to be gained by being resentful about it, it doesn't help you. Wishing you good luck with the rest of the sorting and hope you can overcome the feelings of hurt.

You are nit getting it. They were all “the war years! And ratiining!” For her needs snd “whopee anything goes” for her brother and themselves. She is recognizing that she was treated as though she wasn’t a treasured member if the family. And now, once again, she gets the shit job.

sorry -didn't mean to quote the above.

I feel,your pain OP. I've spent the last 4 years sorting out my mums accumulation of belongings as well as being a taxi service to all her medical appointments and a mouthpiece for her at them as she would go selectively deaf whenever it suited her.

First I had to clear and sell her house when she downsized to a retirement flat, then clearing the flat when she moved to a care home, then clearing that room after her death. She accumulated so much junk and clutter every time. The last year I've been sorting out her estate. She had many, many accounts and shares and bonds most only worth a few hundred pounds but it all needs dealing with and the paperwork has been a nightmare.

The worst thing was that she seemed to think it was a privilege to do this - on a par with looting Tutankhamon's tomb. In fact it was sacks of old clothes and perished fabrics, thousands of unread books, innumerable cans of out of date chopped tomatoes, over 100 umbrellas, out of date electronics, a cupboard crammed with old yoghurt pots, paraffin heaters, bin bags full of moth-eaten balls of wool. The list is endless. I made innumerable trips to the tip with the stuff we literally couldn't give away.

As one PP has mentioned there were boxes of gifts we'd bought her over the years, chosen with love and care and put away unused. That stung.

Unlike you I have inherited some money from her so ' Yay - Lucky me'. My brothers and sisters who live a long way off and did fuck all over the years (didn't even visit) get exactly the same amount. They really are the lucky ones. None of the hassle and emotional load but all of the money.

Not sure what Swedish death cleaning means but my DM (81) has started to sell things she knows are of value . She said she can help Us now, during her life, rather than after her death
DM has advised Me to take anything that I wish to keep, and I will ask other relatives if they would like anything special, and to leave the whole rest of it to House Clearance.

Don't throw out the computer games! Even an old Nintendo game boy is worth like £60. Google lens is your friend for instant antique and goods valuing.

My mum died a few years ago and the house is full of her stuff, the loft especially, as she liked stuff and something may come in useful one day 🤦‍♀️.

But none of this stuff is worth anything and it's all just a pain to get rid of as no one wants these type of old fashioned lamps, pots, tea sets, China wall plates and dinner sets!

I personally can't stand wall plates!

Why do some posters insist on these bad faith responses?

I am 50 too and went to university in 1993-6. Grants were only available to low income families (£666 a term for autumn and spring and £555 for summer). Parents were expected to step in otherwise. Student loans were available (I think around £900 for the year) but it wasn't enough to live off. So yes, if you didn't qualify for a grant (and often even if you did) and your parents didn't step up, then you had to work to pay your way through university. Even in 1993, living off just over £2K a year wasn't really possible.

Gen X isn't better off than the previous generation. And the rules for financing your way through university were different from now in that they depended much more heavily on parents funding their children.

Many of the comments resonate with me. I have been sorting through my late DM things. My dad often says, that’s worth money when referring to trinkets and old collectables. The reality is they are worth little. To my parents something worth money is maybe £20/£30. There’s so much ‘stuff’ and nothing was ever moved on when there was no need for it anymore. It’s a never ending stream of dinner services, costume jewellery and ornaments.

When my Grandad died we used Google lens (and Ebay has the same sort of tool )to see if things were worth bothering with selling. We found out information on some of the items because people were also selling them and did know all the info about them. Hth 😊

My dad will likely die soon and he was a borderline hoarder, there are 4 rooms in the house plus the attic that are full to the brim of his ‘collections’. Some of them include very valuable stuff. But my mum will be in the position of having to get rid of these things whilst still working four days. And some of it it’s like, how do you even go about selling this without being a collector with intimate knowledge yourself? And that’s before you get to the utter crap. It’s a real ball ache.

I don't blame people who don't have the energy - mentally and physically - for this. Or the space to store it.

My parents are going through their stuff at the moment. I need to thank them again.

If there is a house to sell, or lots of savings in the Estate then it can be well worth it. For all sorts of reasons.

We used British Heart Foundation to clear My Mum's flat. Granted it was a small flat, so a big house would cost a lot more - but worth every penny of the £400 it cost us in 2022.

Not for everyone, of course, but it is an option worth considering.