To feel gutted parents won’t come for Dds birthdays anymore

Oh come on you know you are being unreasonable.

This is a good example of why it's best not to live by hard and fast rules and expectations. Lovely if they can be there some years but not others. I don't think you should try and go there yourselves, enjoy your daughter birthday ,do a video call, enjoy a parcel through the post and enjoy seeing them when you do. Things change over time.

It’s different when you live away.

Yes it is different. You don't get to spend as much time with your extended family as you'd like. It's expensive to travel to see them.

Surely, you realised this when you moved away? You made that choice; own it.

If it's too hot for them it's too hot especially as they get older

I’m not angry at my parents obviously, i’m sad about it, I miss them

So it appears that the crux of the issue isn't actually your daughters birthday but that you miss them. That's perfectly normal but unfortunately par for the course if you've moved away. You're lucky they come several times a year but if you're finding it hard being away from them then it might be time to reevaluate if being abroad is what you want for the future?

We live abroad granted much more than a short flight. But we moved away… so kind of our fault ! My mum can come quite often - sometimes this fits in with one or the other of our children’s birthdays, some times not she has even had to leave the day before my sons birthday before! Other grandma has visited once in 5 years and my dad never!

but also I have never been home for any of ours or their birthdays! Honestly my children love seeing them but quite frankly when you live away from family it is part of the deal sadly! I hope your child has a lovely birthday I’m sure on the day they will be having so much fun!

The bottom line is , your daughter will be fine. You'll be fine. Your parents will see you all in a couple of months and maybe this will be their new normal. If they find it too hot, that's a valid reason.

oh and don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it all. VERY few people can, so ignore all the BS on insta or whatever and do the best you can for your DD, she will be happy with a party with or without your parents, she will he happy with your parents and a lot of fuss later in the year.

What kind of place to you live in? How high do the temps get? is it like Greece level or Spain summer heat? or Dubai inferno? We went on hols in late June to Sicily, there was a heatwave that put temps up to 40s - totally out of usual temps, Italy has been blistering, ditto greece and Portugal on occasions

Is this the first time your parents have ever done something against your wishes?

You sound as if you've always had your own way and now you're throwing your toys out of the pram.

So they've obviously begun to find the heat harder to deal with which happens often as people age. They sound like they've been honest here so I'm not sure why you're sad at them, it's not like they are not coming at all and surely the alternative would be them suffering in the heat just to stop you being sad which would be a bonkers expectation?

The heat is a perfectly good enough reason to postpone the visit by a couple of months OP. Very wise of them in fact, especially if they are older and have found it difficult in the past.
I’m not sure why you don’t appreciate that fact and help your little girl appreciate it too.
You could still have cake to celebrate their arrival and being all together at last and make a nice event of it. Turn it onto a real positive.

YABU to feel gutted (and not as understanding as you could be of their feelings)

Are you being deliberately obscure?

You've been asked time after time how old they are.

It's clear as daylight- the heat is the same but they are older.

Do you really not get it?

They are allowed to make their own choices you know, and don't need your approval.

well... over the last 7 years summers in the UK have got hotter- places further afield like Spain/Portugal etc etc have got almost unbearable.

I think you have done well so far to have had them for the last 7 years, your parents are now 7 years older and heat does get hard to deal with. This is the point in your life where you get to manage your DDs sensitive soul as it's critical to her resilience to manage expectations and help her deal with change. DD will most likely be FINE with this, the disappointment appears to be yours - don't let that seep through to your DD.

Embrace the change and teach your DD to do the same.

I live abroad. Short flight. I would never expect my family to be there for my 2 dcs' birthdays every year. I appreciate it when they make it but would never expect it
Yabu and should be grateful they came every year until now.

They've told you why they have decide against it. Do you have any reason to disbelieve them or do you think it's not a good enough reason? Did you start this thread just to vent about how disappointed you are?
You can't really emotionally blackmail then into changing their mind by saying your dd is upset about it. Just accept their reasons and look forward to the other trips they're making. I assume you visit them too?

There are a few questions you have been asked more than once and failed to answer. How old are your parents? It's possible as they get older the heat affects them more. That, along with the added excitement of full on birthday celebrations are probably too much for them.
How near is your sister? If a few miles they can go there and spend a few hours and leave when they feel it's getting too much.
The more you respond the more it seems like you are more bothered by this announcement than your daughter.

Look, @Neverasecalone you clearly will not say how old they are, but let me assure you that things change when grandparents age.

There will be a time when it's possible you will do ALL the travelling to see them.

My Mum was a first time gran at 60 and she kept going visiting us for birthdays till 80, taking a 3hr train journey to see us. But after that she had a bout of ill health that knocked her confidence, even though she could have travelled still.

I’ve got no idea why you’re getting such a hard time on this.
You said is it unreasonable to be SAD.
You didn’t say you were pissed off or were cancelling the party or would cut them out of your life, for the love of god 😂
Of course you’re going to be sad about it, it’s been a nice little 7 year tradition for you all.
They’re still coming a couple of months later which will be lovely.
DD will still love her birthday, maybe a phone call to her grandparents as well to tell them all about her presents etc.
It doesn’t need to be a “second birthday” but you could organise a little afternoon tea or picnic on a nice walk somewhere or something for when they arrive ☺️

It sounds like it's time to start a new tradition. If having an actual birthday and an official birthday was good enough for the late Queen, perhaps DD could have a ceremonial trip out for cake with her grandparents when they come over? Another idea is a Facetime celebration with GP's presents sent over earlier opened 'live' on the actual day?

Op
Surely you realise that as you live abroad you will miss out on aging family at lots of nice occasions . The reality is that as your parents get older they will probably travel abroad less and while I know that's disappointing for you it's probably one of the sad things about living away ( albeit in a much nicer climate)