Give my head a wobble - leaving job

If you want the summer with the kids just apply to take 4 weeks parental leave (unpaid). It is an entitlement in law, though your employer cou,d defer the dares then it wouldn't work perhaps. The loss of 4 weeks' pay compared with no job is a good temporary fix.

Great result @FrustratedGnat!

You get so many weeks of unpaid leave up until your child is 16. It's the law. Why don't you use these and take the children out of childcare in the 6 weeks summer holidays and spend that time with them. Growing up goes so so fast. And before you know it they will be going to secondary school. It's crazy. Spend time with your family. You will survive. It's amazing what you can cut down on when you really try.

Good luck.

It’s hard OP but you do never get the time back. Can you do PT? Sorry not RTFT

They need you less as they get older.

Just saying this isn't true. They need you in different ways and obvs teens don't need childcare. But don't underestimate the clubs, taxiing to friends, chats about Snapchat, school, getting detention, sex ed, drugs, friendship issues, self harming, relationships, MH etc. Teens often NEED someone there as soon as they walk in the door - and you can't plan for when you need to be emotionally available.

Sorry op, to be clear, I wasn't talking about the money. The amount of hours you'd have to do would be huge. Self employment is hard work, especially at the start. It's not something you could just do 20hrs in.

I'm familiar with the profession. I think you hugely underestimate how much work it will be quoting, advertising, invoicing etc. you also get no paid leave, no pension. It won't be 20hrs if you want to make a living.

This is good advice - we had a huge buffer and contracts but financially has been a roller-coaster. It's been a distraction away from that quality time you envisage with your children. It is the best move for us but without the buffer and a close hand on the budget would have been a disaster.

It’s hard to go part time as an architect, i tried 3 days for a while and it just wasn’t feasible. It’s not a profession set up for part time working unless you have a very focused specialism and you’re not a job runner. And yeah the salary is crap for the amount of stress.

Is a more flexible position with another employer not an option? Full time to self employed with little/no buffer seems too risky.

I’m shocked how low the salary is for an architect given how long you train, the skill required and how intense the lifestyle sounds. I’m not surprised it feels like a bit of a bum deal right now and would also be looking at how I could change things up, but it doesn’t sound like you can afford to go nuclear right now.
I know it feels urgent whilst they’re small but they actually really need you in different ways as they get older, so if you could switch to a school hours job that would be a good time to change and no nursery costs then too?
It’s horses for courses but I really believe it’s about quality and not quantity of time with children. I also am v conscious of wanting to build something for them for their future (even if that just means paying off our mortgage) and afford lovely holidays and activities with them. Having no money and being stuck at home all the time seems really depressing to me, but I get that for others that’s a worthwhile sacrifice.

I wonder why you’re so reticent to make the flexible working request? You have a right to and they’re legally obliged to consider it. Lots of companies love a 4 day week as means 20% pay cut and often doesn’t tend to impact on output. This is what I’ve done and it’s meant we have had that special ‘mummy day’ once a week which has felt a good compromise (although I am exhausted after that day so find work much easier 😜)

I think the nuclear option feels like it would simplify things but in fact it will bring a whole load more complexity and uncertainty. The grass is always greener eh, just let the grass grow a bit more before you go for it, and it will be all good.

OP you can take parental leave, I do over the summer. It’s unpaid but it gives you a bit more time in the summer hols. Everyone is entitled to it, worth looking in to while you build up some savings perhaps?

Your responsibility is to your children now, providing for them & putting food on the table.

I've been self-employed throughout my kids' childhood and now they are older I'm starting to think about a career change back to employment for predictability and for the pension.

I liked it because I could work the hours that I chose and spend lots of time with them during the day. That is a really big plus. It was also a real help when one of them had a serious illness that went on for several years and being self-employed gave me a lot of flexibility.

However, the work (if you have it!) still needs doing, regardless. When they were younger, that either happened when they were at nursery/school – both in nursery or at a childminder from six months – or asleep. Payment can be unpredictable and you need to learn both to negotiate rates and to chase your own invoices. I was doing that with reasonably-sized companies with accounts departments – SMEs can be harder to get money out of and if you are working for individuals you may have to be still tougher.

That said, I've made more money as a self-employed person than I would have on staff, and I've very much enjoyed it. But it's not at all like being on maternity leave. You have to be very able to compartmentalise your working and parent lives.

I think if you've only got £100 a month to allocate to emergencies you should put it on the back burner for now, sorry. Esp as you were living on savings during mat leave.

I would also be seriously thinking about whether or not working for yourself is actually going to net you more downtime, or are you going to end up working in the evenings and weekends, i.e. working round when you're at home with the kids?

Could you ask work for a leave of absence and see how it goes? A colleague of mine recently had 3 months sabbatical, she is pretty wealthy and spent it travelling south America (lucky devil) but if you do similar over the summer months, aiming to return when your eldest goes to school, then at least you've seen whether it's possible without your salary coming in. Of course you'll have to forfeit your nursery places, but you should be in a position to look at and find another place fairly easily with careful planning.

You have a family to support and bills to pay. Plan very carefully and don’t jump into leaving without money saved and an income lined up.

‘Hopefully earning enough to cover their nursery fees’ isn’t going to be enough is it? What about the expense of everything else?

There’s no good in dreaming of being at home if you’re going to financially suffer.

I would do it great fun with both DC at home before tyranny of school run and summer can have lots of local cheap trips to nature. Economy should recover in a couple of years so more opportunities to get back in then if business doesn't work (and rebuild savings)