Greediness or normalcy

So basically the only two people in the household paying rent are the two women, one of whom also does all the cooking and grocery shopping, while the two men are feckless and jobless, and it’s the other woman you’re complaining about?

I haven’t really done anything to make her dislike me other than maybe the slight annoyance that I don’t answer her texts or phone calls like my bf does (her son),

What does this mean?

How is she the scrounger when she is paying rent to cover her share of bills and groceries and yet the family still expect her to buy the mum food?

The scroungers are OP’s deadbeat unemployed boyfriend and his druggy brother, who pay zero rent.

You are an ungrateful scrounger who should have been shown the door long ago.

This!!

I agree to finding somewhere else to live, without the bf. He is going to have no sense of urgency to sort out your own place while he is currently able to live rent and bill free and be looked after by mummy.
You are moaning about his brother but I am not sure you have got yourself a keeper - can't hold down a job for example, is there a reason behind this?
I think the best option you have is to focus on yourself and leave them to it.

Honestly OP, I would just find a place to rent on your own, split up with your boyfriend and move out. Do you want to be with someone long term who can't hold down a job?

OP, I would leave asap. These people will keep using you.

You need to move out.

I think it depends on what you are paying tbh. Are you covering your increase in basic bills or more?

Whatever the case mil does not need to have you living there, she is being generous especially as you've been there much longer than expected. Mil is also supporting your bf which is a benefit to you aswell as your options are do limited.

Yes its selfish not to offer to buy mil a meal occasionally when she feeds you both every night.

You seem to view yourself and your bf separately in this situation as you pay rent and he doesn't but you are there as a couple.

Having said that look at this situation and work out where you want to be in 5- 10 years and whether your bf wants and can achieve the same.

So in a household of four people, the two women are paying for rent and food whilst the men do nothing.
Is this how you want your future to be ? Your BF is a loser, just move out and move on.

You sound young and entitled. You don't get to decide who lives in her house and you shouldn't be getting cooked for every night without reciprocating.

Move out.

How much do you pay?

I wouldn't pay your food. I would ask you leave.

A lot of growing up is required in that house.
Not by the BFs mother - she has generously opened her house yet is getting ingratitude and rudeness in return

How old are you?
You do sound immature and selfish. I bet your rent barely covers your costs, definitely not your feckless boyfriends costs! (Why can't he hold down a job? RED FLAG!)
Buy the poor woman a meal once in a while and a box of chocolates/bunch of flowers wouldn't go unnoticed either I bet.

I think the OP is american - it is not remotely unusual for people to bring home a boxed meal from a restaurant for someone who didn't eat with the rest of the party - it's also possible they're just going out to collect food and bring it back, same as we do in the UK.

And (just as here, though I've never understood how they afford it) there are a lot of people who rarely cook for themselves and live on snack food and takeaways almost all the time!

To be clear, definitely greediness.

@UrLov3ly are you particularly young? You are being very rude, selfish and immature. You are not this woman's child, she is doing you a big favour and you are throwing it back in her face.

Rent — one thing.
Food — a whole other thing.

Why don't you leave your boyfriend and leave the house and bad situation. Is that a possibility.

You only live once. Why choose to live like this? What would happen if you get married and have kids. It's always going to be hard work with your boyfriend. I'd rather be on my own.

Also is this a man you actually want to stay with? Why can't he hold down a job? He seems to be regularly unemployed. I wouldn't want to enter a tenancy agreement or a mortgage with someone like that.

I feel like we need to hear these reasons.

How much rent are you paying?

I'm not really following why you would buy her dinner when you eat out? Does this mean a ready meal or actually bringing her a takeaway from the restaurant? Surely you can just tell her you're going out tonight and won't want dinner. Then she can just cook for her and her son accordingly.

When we lived with MIL we paid her a good amount of rent (she lived in a council house so our rent literally covered 100% of her actual rent plus about £100 on top of that). So she included meals too, but we'd let her know if we were eating or having takeaway that night and if we were, she would make her own meal. If she was having takeaway we'd either join her (and pay for our own food) or cook for ourselves. She cooked about 4 times a week i maybe cooked about 2 times a week - but then I was getting home later at about 7-8pm most nights.

I think you need to offer to cook twice a week at least to restore the balance of chores and possibly expense within the home.

Her house her rules. Move out.

Umm what are the reasons your bf can't hold down a job?

You're no where near at a place to move in together, and even if he does find a job and you move out, how long will it be before he loses the job and all financial responsibility falls on you? How long can you realistically expect to live with his Mum?

If you're wanting to settle down with someone, this doesn't sound like the ideal man IMO.

His Mum cooks for you, you should reciprocate. If you're cooking and she says she doesn't want any, double confirm by saying "Are you sure, because I'm only going to make enough for 2 otherwise?" I can absolutely understand your annoyance when she turns down the meal, then changes her mind. But, I wouldn't say no to my MIL because she would do the same for me.

If you're eating out, I wouldn't expect to be buying an extra meal to take home to Mum.

You have absolutely zero say in who lives in that house or her decisions as a parent. Even if the brother's gf moves in rent free (admittedly very annoying) it's not your business.

This relationship sounds doomed tbh. It's all a bit of a mess.

Tbh, you all sound pretty immature.

You don't get to decide what goes on in her house - it is her house, not yours, wind your neck in.

If you are eating food she provides for you, then yes you should reciprocate. If you do not want to, then don't eat any of the food she provides, ever.

If you offer a meal when you are cooking, and she declines, then it's reasonable to not offer again if you have only cooked enough for you/you and your boyfriend - but just tell her 'I am cooking tonight, if you want some please say so now as otherwise I will not have enough to share.' Then stick to that.

Ultimately you can't alter how other people behave, you're only in control of how you behave.