Greediness or normalcy

@Queenofthejabs shes 27! Paying only 400 a month and begrudging buying the woman a meal.

I’m guessing she knows no where, as that’s why she’s living there and not in this mysterious non existent place. Doesn’t mean she still doesn’t pass judgement on them and not want to share her food occasionally.

maybe she’s just very young and has some growing up to do.

You have no right to be judgemental about the other members of the household. They are not your family and they are doing you a favour.
You sound pretty entitled tbh.
As if these people who are housing you and feeding you are lower forms of life?
Why do you accept meals off someone if you're not willing to reciprocate. That's either extremely childish or selfish.
Just try your best to get out of there asap. And in the meantime just keep your head down.

Where else do you imagine you’ll get a roof over your head, bills paid and dinner on the table for 400 dollars or pounds a month?

Whole thing sounds bonkers

So, to be clear, she charged you “rent” but not her own children? That’s her right as it’s her home.

You contribute rent towards the food and bills, no one else does, but she cooks you all meals?

You don’t ask for meals cooked but you eat them.

But you don’t want to pay for meals out for her, and whilst your bf pushes you to do so, he doesn’t pay for her himself? Equally, when you two are cooking, you asked if she wants some, she says no but then changes her mind?

I think you just need to move out as it’s all pretty messy.

There is a third option here. One of the freeloaders could cook the food the paying members of the household buy…

Why does he keep getting sacked? They all sound a bit useless apart from the mum. If you don't like how she runs her house you know where the door is.

As much as I agree she should chuck them all out, and the op should dump the deadbeat, the fact remains the op has for reasons only she knows, decided to stay with this guy and she buys food for him. I see no issue with occasionally sharing that with his mother, who is not only allowing her to stay in her home, but cooks for her most nights and buys the food to do so.

she isn’t the woman’s child like the other two. Many people would let their kids stay at home as adults, if in financial hardship. Not many would allow the girlfriend to move in too.

As I said, I would throw them all out, especially OP’s deadbeat unemployed boyfriend and his druggy 46yo brother. And OP should dump the deadbeat and move out.

But I find the sexism here annoying. OP is the only one contributing (as she should) and yet now she’s also expected to share her food, both cooked and when buying takeout (which gets expensive really quickly).

Ok, in your world you can’t change your mind when you smell the food and you find this massive irritating. Fair enough.

You’re never going to get anywhere if you continue to date this ‘man’. You’re already stuck living with his mum and his druggie brother whilst being the only person that pays for anything.

Stop making excuses for him. If he was a hard worker he wouldn’t keep getting fired or struggle to find employment. You can’t possibly rent or buy a home and rely on him at all, you’ll 100% get stuck with paying everything when he gets fired from his next job and when you can’t afford it on one salary, homeless or back to mums is it?

What are you even doing FFS, you’re both almost 30 not 18.

It’s literally in bold in the post you quoted that she asks for food after telling them she wasn’t hungry when she was offered food.

That is massively irritating behaviour. If you want to eat, say yes when asked so enough can be made for everyone.

Yes, but I’m not sure in which century 400 would cover your share of rent, your utilities, your food, and still have enough over to support 3 more adults.

it certainly isn’t this one or the last.

I mean the two adult sons and their girlfriends. I do know how much the OP pays because she told us in an update. I assume this amount was suggested or at least agreed by the mum as part of the terms for moving in.

HTH

She’s not saying she wants more? The son is saying she should occasionally treat the mum as way of thanks and share when they cook and she’s hungry, considering all the mum is doing for her, I think this is a small ask. I can’t imagine deciding I didn’t want to share.

but honestly you think barely covering your own costs, getting your dinner cooked for you every night, your shopping bought, isn’t worth that and it’s too much to ask to let her have some food when cooking then you do you

What odd comprehension you have. The mum asked for 400, so she’s getting it. If she wants more, she needs to ask for it.

And yes, the mum does ask for food, see below.

It makes me mad when she does those things and then when my bf and I are cooking she comes to the kitchen and asks if we can share because she’s hungry. I automatically don’t want to share, I understand that is selfish in ways. Although she already told us she wasn’t hungry. So now she changes her mind and guilts my bf into sharing food.

If I was the mum I would throw everyone out, but she can’t agree to a lodging amount and then also expect to eat takeout when OP buys it.

It’s 400, it will barely cover her. And the mother isn’t demanding.

what an odd comment,

The point is that the OP was asked to pay an amount to cover her lodging, which she does every month.

Have you ever had a lodger? Did you take money from them every month and then call them demanding they feed you as well?

The 4 adults lodgers are the 2 sons and their 2 girlfriends, one of whom is OP. The OP pays $400, but we have no idea what proportion of the household costs that represents.

If you don't like it then move out, rent & pay the normal market rate for everything including food & utilities like everyone else. You don't get to dictate who lives in the house just because you pay rent.

Also, you need to show gratitude occasionally to someone who cooks for you. Otherwise you're a controlling cheeky fucker who takes and takes but gives nothing back.

Four adult lodgers, do you mean the mother and her two sons?? And you’ve no idea how much the op is paying and if it even covers her share of the rent, as well as her food, and her share of the utilities she uses.

I think it’s unfair you are the only one of four adult lodgers paying into the household. Your money is being used for bills and food for everyone so I think you are paying a good share and shouldn’t feel guilty about not buying your BF’s mum a meal when you eat in a restaurant.

I would share when I cook at home though. Ask her if she wants and before you start and then cook quantities accordingly.

Laughable that the seemingly only kind, welcoming decent person here (if wrong headed and weak when it comes to her sons) is getting it in the neck while the feckless boyfriend gets the mildest of rebukes. OP, maybe you deserve each other. And 400 dollars is nothing to be fed abd found even if others are paying less or nothing at all.

My honest advice is: move out. Find another house share where things are more equal.

Or consider your own role in the house. This woman has 2 DC, of course she's not leaving them homeless.

As for the food, I somewhat agree with others, if you cook a meal, why not do a bit more and share it? After all you are benefiting from a cooked meal most days... so do the nice thing and don't even ask, just do.

How can you be with someone who is financially unstable? This whole thing sounds like a shitshow - give your head a wobble, especially if you want your own family. Financial security is everything. I don't understand why you have set the bar so low, stop focusing in his mother, she's not the issue here.