To think DP is being selfish

Oh stop being so bloody wet. You're completely enabling this, he's a big. boy, he can learn to budget like everyone else. You aren't his mummy. He gets to dictate how you spend your money so you have enough to give him after he's spunked his up the wall, is that 'very nice'?

You should have an equal amount of spending money and he needs to pay for his child. He can have a daily and weekly breakdown. If he goes over that's on him.

If you pay for everything and also lend him money, in what way are you a team?

I'd have just bought the stuff.

What I think most dads do

They contribute to the family - putting their own needs last.
They pay their fair share,
they do their fair share of chores , their fair share of childcare.
they make sure their partner has money, down time and time for fun
They clear up after themselves, they spend time with the family, they can be relied on in an emergency to adjust their plans
They spend time with the chicken on their own and stand up for their children, support their activities

( I know you only hear about the bad ones on here but I still think most are good )

( fair share isn't the same for each family - and isn't always exactly half - some men may have long work hours or make more money or prefer cooking to cleaning, DIY to holiday planning for example )

That's his problem then.

Why on earth are you paying for everything and bailing him out while he spends what he likes on himself and booze rather than his child? He is NOT a good father.

Raise your standards. Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how she is supposed to be treated? Selfish man over herself.

if he's spending £800 a month on booze and gaming, and you are both paying towards the rent, you could have been paying off a mortgage.

Sweet fucking Jesus - what happened that there are so many women with such low standards?

Stop doing it then! If you are building a life together you need to sort out your finances properly. You need a joint account for money spent on joint things like food, holidays and stuff for the house, and separate "spending money" each where you don’t need to consult first. If he chooses to spend his spending money you shouldn’t be subbing him or he'll keep doing it. You’re in danger of falling into permanent roles of Sensible Responsible Mummy and Irresponsible, Naughty but he hopes Lovable Child.

Sorry, who pays the piper? If you pay the piper, you buy whatever shit you want, any time you want without asking anyone. If he pays the piper, he decides. If you are 50-50 contributors, I am afraid it is negotiations, with all the spreadsheets, i.e. maybe it was a bargain for him to buy this shitty station at 400 quid, i.e. he would say 'no birthday/Christmas presents/Holidays for me - we don't know how your circus is run. Ages ago when dh and i were 50-50 I bought, without consulting him, 5K worth of stuff, but said 'no birthday/Christmas presents/holidays for me for several years - and stuck to that - he went on fishing trips with his mates, I stayed home and worked - so it all worked out very well. We do not know your circumstances.

What do you mean helps you? Do you think your house and child are your responsibility that he helps you with? Responsibility financial and otherwise should be shared in a partnership. Why do you think it's a mothers place to shoulder everything whilst Daddy lives his best life?

While there are no consequences for his overspending, it will continue, I'm afraid. What happens when you say no to him?

Does he pay you back the money you "lend" him when he has spent all his on beer and gaming equipment?

In that case you just ignore him and buy what you want, and tell him you can’t bail him out. I assume he pays back the bail outs

Don’t bail him out. Just tell him he shouldn’t have bought all his gaming stuff and beer if he couldn’t afford it. Sadly he’ll have to short til payday.

@kiana2015 so if he says to you that your ‘money shouldn’t be yours, it should be ours’ have you asked him why that doesn’t apply also to HIS money? Seems he can do what he likes but you think you’re a team….

Spend your money on what you want, what you can afford and DON'T bail him out. He needs to learn that if he blows £400 that HE needs to fund it and not expect you to waste your money bailing him out.

But why is this your problem? He either needs to earn more money or stop spending so much down the pub.

You are on here all fired up and angry yet you are the one who has allowed this man to leech off you and your child/ren

Go and direct your anger at him and take a long hard look in the mirror and take responsibility for allowing him to control your finances

I mean he is a good father to our child, he helps me a lot more than I think most men would, it's not all bad
Help? She's HIS child! He should be pulling his weight not 'helping'.
I bet the reason he split up from his child's mother is the gaming, drinking and being crap with money.

If you weren’t subsidizing his drinking and his other child you could be saving that very amount each month . Before long you would have a nice nest egg for your child.

To answer your AIBU, yes, I think he's selfish.

To expand on that, I think he's probably got a borderline alcohol dependency if he's spending £100 a week on beer and a complete lack of respect for the mother of his child, whom he allows to 'budget carefully' while he spaffs money up the wall on whatever he wants.

You obviously love him very much to defend him, which is fine, but bear this thread in mind as the years go by because I feel like his behaviour is going to become less and less bearable the older your DD gets.

So why are you funding his frivolous behaviour?

Honestly, he sounds like a lazy, selfish, man child. What exactly does he bring to the table?

If he's regularly spending £100 a week on booze then he's not just a lazy selfish arse, he's a lazy selfish arse with an alcohol problem.

You aren't a team because you can't even buy curtains without being second guessed. Stop bailing him out and buy what you want with your wages.