To think DP is being selfish

Becoming 'grumpy' to avoid having a difficult conversation is tactic number one in the Abusers' Handbook I'm afraid.

You’re the person who is massively impacted by it, in having to pick up joint tasks like evening housework and childcare, and who is having to pay for these drinks and the gaming equipment.

Seems like you're happy playing mummy to him, maybe it makes you feel needed or something, but it's a seriously unhealthy dynamic.

@kiana2015 "meanwhile he gives his ex money regularly for their DC"

Hmm. You might have listened to me here. You think he shouldn't?

Kiana you need to find a back bone and stop babying this man

Are you afraid of losing him?

What Does he bring to your life? I guess he must be good in bed 😂

Try and raise the bar next time

If you’re sharing a house, bills and a child together and you earn roughly the same amount each month then why not work out what all your joint outgoings come to, and pay half each. Whatever you’re both left with after that is your own disposable income to do whatever you want with.

His money he pays for his other child should come out of his disposable income, you shouldn’t be paying for all the food shopping because he pays that.

Lots of alcoholics can go for brief periods of time without a single drink

You can't even be arsed to control your life, other than to make sure you don't make your DP grumpy.

Well op isn’t bothered about his drinking she’s just bothered that she didn’t get her new bits for her home

Op you have got massive problems in this relationship- I don’t even think you understand the gravity!!!

@kiana2015 - this is what is called a natural consequence. He needs to learn to budget his money, and he will never do that if you keep on bailing him out.

He is acting like a child who knows that mummy will give him more money if he spends all his pocket money on crap.

He sounds like a manchild.

Very selfish, it’s for the home which should take priority over beer. Now you know he priorities his own spending keep your own finances close.

If you are happy to let him control you ?

Please you are worth so much more
There are good men

@kiana2015 why on earth are you giving him beer money?

You need to take responsibility your own part in this.

He is a grown man. He is bad with money. He is selfish.

You need to stop facilitating him by bailing him out.

Same amount of fun money each. If he spends it all. Tough.

And then have a long hard look at what positives he actually brings to your life.

Why don't you 'insist' he spends less on gaming and alcohol?

I also think it sounds as though he has a problem with alcohol, if he gets so grumpy when you won’t bail him out, ie give him more money for alcohol.

And?

OP you should stop this immediately. Tell him to sell his gaming equipment if he’s desperate for cash.

are you married to him and have you got joint children? Was he the same before you moved house? Edit: oh god the he's a good dad line.

I bet he tells you that doesn't he? "I do way more than all my friends blah blah blah"

Lets see;
He drinks every day
Spends ALL of his disposable cash on himself and his interests
Makes you feel guilty if you dont "bail" him out after he has spent all his money on himself.
Does no housework
Cooks occasionally
no childcare.
Does not contribute to the needs of your child
You are subsidising his child care payments

Does he even see his other kids? Do they stay at yours..lets me guess.. you mind them when he is out at the pub?

You don't have time to scratch yourself and he spends all his spare time gaming and in the pub. That's some team!

This sounds like the catalyst for a massive rethink re fair distribution of money.

It’s not right that he uses so much money just for “fun money” ie in the pub and then relies on you for food and bail outs.

Paying for his older child is of course a given but it’s ultimately his responsibility to pay this money, not yours (ie the payments should reduce the money he has to spend on himself, not the money that you have for yourself, which seems to be the case as a result of the bailouts)

Remember, if you did leave him, he would be paying towards your joint child too!

Sounds like he’s a bit of teenager and needs an allowance. If he can’t stick to it then you can tell him that’s his problem.

I'm afraid you are the only one in this team, the other party isn't a part of it.

What you need to do is stop funding him when his money runs out, save as much as you can (you will need it) and whatever you do, do not under any circumstances marry this tool. He would ruin you financially and all your budgeting and saving would be for nothing. As long as you are just partner and renting everything that's yours is yours. Keep the receipt for all the stuff you buy for the house so you can prove it's yours when you inevitably leave one day. He can keep his receipts for all the beer he downs every week and try and use that to make a nice home.