To think DP is being selfish

But you’re not a team if he’s taking advantage of you. In a team everyone puts in the same. He sees you as a money tree.

The bar is truly pathetically low, isn't it? A man who does no parenting and doesn't financially provide for his child, is a good dad. How?! A mum being so shit would never be described as a good parent.

Yet he gets to spend money and time on a games console for himself, go to the pub and drink £60-100 every fortnight (which is £200 a month or £2400 a year, give or take) and you don't have time to eat your dinner and wash your hair. This is money that would tide him over until he gets paid again, surely you can see that?

He isn't a good person because a good person would make it a priority to ensure that their partner in life has time to shower and wash their hair and also to eat their meals. Why doesn't he do this for you at the very least?

I am working my way through the thread but while you claim to be happy, is it the fact that up until now, you haven't been aware that you have been taken for a ride here?

if he wants to go to the pub to wind down after a long day at work, then come home and play games, who am I to say he shouldn't?

While you barely have time to wash your hair? What if you also declared that you want to spend hours at the pub most evenings - would he think that who is he to say no?

If this were your DD coming to you, would you not want more for her? Would you want her to be happy or just settle (and don't give me any of the "not my business BS). Because you are settling. Your bar is so low you're going to trip and fall one of these days!

He spends far too much on alcohol etc, but aside from the money he's drinking way above what he should.
He's not a good father if he would happily spend that money without even a single thought for you or your DD. Even a simple "I'm thinking of going out for a drink but is their anything we or DD need before I piss money down the drain?" Would be better than what he's doing.

I know no relationship is perfect but seriously?!

He helps. ? He should be 50/50 parenting /pulling his weight .
You have landed yourself with a right one.
He doesn’t pay for food or anything for his daughter. ? And he helps ? He isn’t a good parent he isn’t even a good partner.
Tell him today no more money from
you and I’d ask for £400 a month toward shooing and your daughter.
No more he loves as a single guy. Either that or tell him to leave you will be better off .

Why are you living with him ? He is scared there is no money for what he wants.But the stuff @kiana2015 . Infact id bin him and buy whatever I liked .

What does he do when his other DC comes to stay? Do you have to help fund stuff for them too?

You would be a normal person. There is some thing very wrong if he drinks everyday.

Oh op, this is really really sad.

It is clear you value yourself right at the bottom of the heap.

I understand this is all you know.

But can you change it for your daughter?

Mothers and fathers are EQUAL. Equally entitled to downtime, equally responsible for their children. I imagine it's the case in your house where you might have finished work and have started on tea etc for your dd whilst he is in the pub as 'why would you deny him that?' Is there any day this is reversed? You're out doing whatever makes you happy whilst he's at home sorting everything out? Because it should be happening 50/50. Why wouldn't it?

You probably will be able to afford it on your own as he will pay you maintenance and the government is actually (I think) pretty generous in that a situation. Look in to it, you might be surprised.

Being single is a billion times better than valuing yourself so low.

"he hasn't cheated" is a very low bar

Don't prop him up.

His money is his money. If he can afford a £400 gaming system 3 weeks after Christmas, he can learn how to budget.

Having you there as a financial crutch every month isn't helping him.

My honest advice would be to find somewhere else to live that doesn't include him. By all means stay together in the relationship if you want to but don't live with him. Let him grow up and whatever you do, don't fall pregnant and don't give him any more money!

It's so unfair that your money is supposed to be all shared but his is all for him, he has so much more free time than you and so much money for fun while you have none. You could be saving 100s a month for your dd, for a rainy day, for your retirement, for a down payment. But not if he's going to drink it all and game it all away. Really sad for you and your dd.

how does he help more than most men, if he doesn't clean, cooks only on his days off, doesn't pay for his DC, spends his money on drinking and needs you to bail him out regularly?

Well if you already do this who is to blame here? Why are you asking for advice, you're enabling it.

I think this sums it up, and its sad to read. You are not silly, you get it. The relationship is not great, it really isn't but you have decided to settle for this because a) he hasn't cheated and b) keeping your family together is more important. It doesn't matter what anyone says. I know I'm wasting energy even typing this but I'm going to do it anyway. I sincerely hope that one day you decide otherwise, that you realise that you are worth more, that relationships should not be about settling for less than you deserve, ideally before your DD grows up watching you and repeats the pattern - which she will, and frankly that you raise the bar. Maybe do a search on the number of children who had miserable childhoods because a parent prioritised keeping an unhappy home together.

So you are not struggling at the moment ? Despite effectively being a single mum; despite have so little self esteem ? Despite struggling to get a haircut if I remember correctly ? But that's not struggling ?

My experience was that Being a single mum outside of a bad relationship is miles better than being in a bad relationship

This man just uses you. It's so sad that you cannot see it. You're his live in housekeeper and nanny. I hope one day soon you will wake-up.

Unless he's buying drinks in a London nightclub, having two beers a night does not add up to £100 a week.

@Snoken

I don’t think they can afford to marry

I seem to have missed the bit where you explain how he is a good dad to both his children @kiana2015 When does he fit in time between work, drinking and gaming to be a parent?

It is not your fault that he is bad with money !

Is he gaslighting you as well?

Imagine this was your best friend telling you this - read through your comments like you were hearing it for the first time - what would you tell your friend?