To think DP is being selfish

OP seems to think it's OK for him to be controlling but not her.

You have to start saying no to this horrible, selfish, juvenile twat.

Buy your home stuff. When he runs out of money, he can fuck off.

What he’s spent on himself, before making you spend your money on him, is disgusting.

op if he said the sun was shining and it was midnight, would you think how can I tell him it’s not? He’s ’we are a team’ is no less bullshit. Next time he says that say ‘great!! I’d love for us to be a team!! Where’s my 100s of pounds for expensive fun stuff? Where’s my 100s of pounds for pissing away in pubs?? Oh actually, here’s a great one for being a team!!! You tell me when you’ll next pay for something our child needs. Im so excited about the idea of being a team, tell me when you want to start. Until then no i dont have any extra money to give you.

and yes you do let him go through the rest of the month with no money!! He’s got you worked out doesn’t he…

Why? He must bring more work and worry to your life than without him!

You are his human ATM. A human machine that will always spit out cash no matter what HIS circumstances are. Wake up dear woman.

What is the point of staying with a lazy, drunken excuse for a father and partner?

I bet his ex is rubbing her hands together that she's got shot of him

So you can't even leave your child with her father?

Can't you see how bad this relationship is?

Universal credit?

And as you're subbing him every month I'm not sure about that

How do you even get turned on by a man like this?

Well you'd not be bailing him out every month if you left him, OP, and you wouldn't be paying for his food either. You'd also likely get universal credit (depending on your job income), and you'd get his payments towards his child.

I think you'd be less worse off than you think.

This is one of the saddest threads I’ve ever read on here. I’m actually hoping this is fake because I truly struggle to believe this is all true. I’m also unsure why you posted if you’ve spent the whole thread defending him!

So he’s allowed to “wind down” EVERY DAY after work, spending money he doesn’t have, then expects you to bail him out even after you covering more than half of the household costs?! Yet you barely have time to eat and wash your hair? Surely you’re not that brainwashed that you think this is normal? When do you get to wind down?

This “man” is a pathetic excuse for a human and if your self esteem has been battered down so much, that you actually stay, then at least speak to him and agree that it’s unfair that he gets to spend X amount every week but can’t contribute evenly to the household and his second child!

Can he not go for two pints, once a week after his working week is finished? Only an alcoholic would need to drink every day to “wind down” when they can’t afford it! And no, you don’t need to be dependent on alcohol to be an alcoholic. If it’s affecting your life in a negative way, then you have an issue with alcohol. Simple as that.

Sorry to be so blunt but this has really annoyed me on your behalf!

You're only a team when he needs money, when you want to spend your own money on things to make your life nicer, you're "not allowed".

I would just be spending that and honestly fuck him if he's got no money at the end of the month. Maybe he'll take more care with his overspending on booze then.

He needs to be paying half for food. If that means going to the pub less...so?

Yes, you would. You'd have some form of child support from him and yes he would have to stop drinking and possibly sell his games consoles.
You would also probably have some rent allowance or social welfare payments that you can't currently apply for as you live with him.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be investigating what you would be eligible for, where you could live with your DD (please don't have any more kids with this bloke) and DEFINITELY do not get married to him.

Fgs. He is a selfish, lazy, possibly alcoholic man child and you can't see why this isn't a good family unit for your child?! He's treating you like a doormat and you are not only letting him do it, you're actually defending him and saying he's a good dad. I wish it were a fake post tbh, because it's bloody depressing that women in 2025 are still putting up with these waste-of-space losers.

This is incredibly sad OP and I'm guessing you've not grown up in a household with happy equal parenting to learn what a healthy relationship should look like.

Every dreadful thing your OH does you defend yet the words you use sound exactly what I imagine he tells you. You're just trotting the same lines out as you're so conditioned to believe this is normal: "You're controlling (ffs as if), he deserves to wind down (when's your down time?), it's your fault for not asking for money (wtf!), he'd been left without anything (and?), he cooks when he's not working (is that how it works for you too?)

He's a selfish man-child and this is not how it needs to be and NOT what you want your child to grown up thinking is acceptable. Break the cycle, look into leaving him - you may well find you can afford it with some benefits to top-up & maintenance from him.

Do you think he is being nice op to you and his dd when he goes out spending the money and time he should be spending on her on alcohol for himself?

Spend a little less time making sure he likes you, and rather more on thinking about whether you like him. You seem to try very hard to keep him happy, do you think he does the same for you?

leave him with absolutely nothing until he gets paid, that's not very nice

It's also not very nice to drink all your money and expect your partner to bail you out every month.

Why should you wait? Go and buy them. He bought a quite unnecessary gaming set up - what is he a teen nerd? And have a joint account and a set amount of spending money each. What I mean is both salaries go into the joint account and you each have a set amount (same amount) to spend on personal stuff like going out, nice clothes etc (not recurrent expenses like period products - that's from joint account as part of the food/household budget). This will probably stop him drinking himself into an early grave, too.

In a regular London pub, a beer is £6-7. So, if they’re in London or nearby, it tracks.

So are you gifting him money at the end of the month... or loaning him it till payday? Gifting is more difficult in my view as he repeatedly overspends, knowing he doesn't have the money to support his daughter and is expecting you to cover this AND his overspending knowing you earn roughly the same? So he thinks he is more deserving of the household funds that her and you combined?

What if you were to stop giving him money at the end of the month and instead out it in a junior isa for your daughter? How much would she have now I wonder... and by the time she goes to college? It wouldn't take long for him to adjust his expectations when the money isn't there...

Oh my gosh OP, your only bar is no cheating, that is so depressing.
And asking him not to drink/game so much is not controlling..

Oh he sounds awful! Pathetically childish and selfish.

And what do you do to wind down after a long day at work, OP? Do you completely check out of adult life and live like a teenager, or do you crack on with the real world of cooking tea, washing up, helping your child with homework etc.

I think of all your comments enabling your partner, this is the saddest one. It's like he's conned you into believing that he deserves all this freedom as he works so hard... jeez just like the rest of us! I finish my long day at work and then go home for another long evening of responsibilities!! I bet you do too.

If you do one thing, please take the time to read each and every reply on this thread. The way he is treating you is not acceptable and just because "he hasn't cheated" doesn't make him a good partner or a good father. You can do better, if not for yourself then for your child!

That's exactly what I would do